"Breakfast table in an otherwise empty room ..."

At the castle this weekend, it was pretty darn quiet. But quiet is good. Sometimes.

Here we are at Monday again, and I'm doing what I do best: Procrastinating! I've got tons to do in preparation for the carpet guys tomorrow. I'm sure, before the end of the day, I'll have done it. It's just scary to me to admit just how long I can put things off. I guess after you practice something for over 40 years, you get really good at it.

I never heard from my surgeon's office last week, so I'm hoping the phone will ring today. Seemed like every thing I ate this weekend caused pain. (Except for an omelet on Sunday afternoon.)

So. The china cabinet and bookshelf in the den are waiting to be emptied. I don't even want to think about the closet floors. Maybe that's the secret ... I won't THINK about it. But I really do have to get busy. Tomorrow I will finally have new floors (or the beginnings of them)!

'Kloveyabye.

"Those flashing lights come from everywhere ..."

In today's "Dawn's Latest Drama" segment:

As predicted by me and my awesome Google skillz, Dr. Bour confirmed yesterday that I am the proud owner of an "internal hernia". Niiice. It certainly explains the off-and-on pain I've had since July 22nd.

Basically, it means my bowel is showing up in places it's not welcome. The changes made to my intestines during the gastric bypass surgery last year have made it possible for my bowel to get kinked and slip in and out of "empty pockets" in my belly where there used to be fat. This is a very rare complication of the surgery, and one that could potentially cause major problems ... left untreated, I could have a bowel obstruction. Uhhh ... no, thank you.

So I'm waiting to hear from the surgery scheduler today. I trust my doctor, and he says he can fix it.

No worries.

"A little too ironic ..."

I just read that Amy Winehouse is considering entering rehab. Ouch.

"And I said no, no no ..."

-----

Once again, sorry for the lack of updates. I'm censoring myself before I even type things out nowadays, deciding most of what I would be writing about is far too boring for human consumption. I'm thinking of YOU, really I am.

-----

Quick Update:

~ Emilie got a job! Yay! And the best part of all, she likes it. (So far.) The other best part: it's 8 AM to 5 PM, Monday thru Friday. The other best part: She doesn't have to stand all day. The last best part: Benefits!

~ New flooring arrives on Tuesday.

~ I see the doctor this afternoon for the results of this week's CT scan. Details to follow, when I know more.

~ God, it's hot outside. This week is brutal. Every day I pray for our 18-year-old AC unit to live another day.

~ I swear I'm going to write more often.

"Oooo - what a funky lady ..."

Hmmm.

This is almost WORD FOR WORD what I said to myself in the mirror this morning.

"My MySpace page is all totally pimped out ..."

I promised Sister Kay I'd post this video for her to see our childhood crush, Mr. Donny Osmond. What the hell am I talking about ... I STILL have a crush on him. His dancing is HOT. Might as well accept the fact: I like 'em white and nerdy.

"Care to share your time with me? ..."

Good grief. I forgot my username and password to get in here. My bloggerbrain is broken, y'all.

We had a weekend. Emilie headed to Myrtle Beach to visit her college roommate. So then we stared at carpet samples, and discussed the insane notion that we could add a shower to the half bath downstairs before the new floor gets installed. Saturday evening, we grilled some brats and enjoyed dinner and Canasta with Adam and Brandy.

Sunday was the polar opposite. I woke up sick. And got sicker. Ended up in the ER, but left before I drank the contrast for a CT scan. I was feeling better, and decided it was stupid to pay for a test I probably didn't need. (I would have gone back in a split second if the symptoms returned.) I was sick enough for most of the day that, 2 days later, I'm STILL appreciating feeling OK. Bad Sunday.

Yesterday, I drove to Spartanburg to place the order for our $$$new floors$$$. They said it would be a 3-day installation, starting on August 14th. Whooo! I'll have to remember to take "before" pictures to document the incredible improvement this is going to be.

-----Rest in peace, Tammy Faye. I knew she wasn't long for this world when I saw her on Larry King last Thursday. I believe she was as genuinely sweet and silly ... and full of love ... as she appeared to be.

In other celebrity news: Lindsay Lohan was arrested this morning and charged with DUI, as well as narcotics possession and driving with a suspended license. Now THAT'S a shock. (Not.)

-----

Granddaughter-In-Progress Report:If we had a baby cam, we'd be able to tell exactly who she will look like. That beautiful face (though still tiny) is almost fully formed. She's gaining about 6 ounces every single week! Take a look at the checklist for this week: 1) ears: done; 2) fingernails: done; and 3) lungs walls: secreting “surfactant”... a surface-activated fat whose main purpose is to assist her little lungs during inflation. She's still breathing in amniotic fluid, preparing her lungs for an oxygen-filled life outside the womb. By the end of this week, she'll be weighing around 2 lbs and 14 inches long.

"But all the colors mix together - to grey ..."

Ugh. Another case of "Blogger's Block" here. They're coming far too often lately, mixed in with thoughts of "Why don't you just stop it altogether?" ... eh. It's totally turned into a "What I Did Today" sort-of thing anyway. Yawn. Sorry.

-----

I'm waiting on a 2nd quote from some carpet people ... to compare to the EIGHT. THOUSAND. DOLLARS. that the first carpet people want to re-do the floors in our house (minus the kitchen and guest room). I have a feeling the second quote will be even higher. *sigh*

-----

The Happy Announcement has been made ... it's a GIRL! We are more than thrilled and excited. And I'm trying hard not to buy everything I see in pink. Em and I are in the beginning stages of planning a baby shower for early October. Sounds like lots of girly fun ahead! I feel as if I never get to see the parents-to-be anymore. They're so busy with jobs and other projects ... and I guess me being in Columbus for a month didn't help matters much either. But that's another reason I'm counting the hours until ...

"If I had it all ..."

It feels so weird to sit in front of the computer and type again. I'm thinking if I ever do win the lottery and buy my oceanfront house, I won't even need a computer.

Did you miss me?

St. George Island ... how nice was that? Small, quaint, and not too crowded, despite the fact it was the weekend following July 4th. It was hot, to be sure. But the heat didn't really bother me, and besides ... there was an ocean breeze that would knock you down on Monday. The wind was calmer on Tuesday, and it did feel like July in Florida. The air conditioner worked well though, and there was a pool in which to splash. No problem.

So enjoyable was the time with Jimmy's brother, Michael; his wife, Patti; and their family (including Patti's ex-husband, his current wife and kids!). Not many families can pull that stunt off ... but they do, and they make it look easy. I hope their kids realize how lucky they are with that arrangement.

Good food, good beer, good people. And there was beach sand, too. Can't beat that.

I can't wait until it's our turn in September!

"And you don't have the time ..."

Quick update to wish everybody a Happy Holiday today. Hope you all enjoy a nice day off work, cook out, nap ... enjoy it!

We're off to see some sand & water for a few days ... See you next week!

"I've got so much left to say ..."

Rainy Monday mornings always make me feel sorry for everyone who must get up and go to work. On the rare occasion when I have had to do it though, getting up and going to work on a rainy Monday morning made me feel like a part of the human race. So I guess it's not all bad.

And oh boy, do we need the rain.

-----

Hey, today is my nephew Josh's 25th birthday.

ACK! Time passes much too fast for my liking. Happy Birthday, Joshua D. I'm thinking about you today, and I hope your birthday is a good one. (I say that as if he actually reads this stuff. I know he won't. But maybe his mama or his sister will tell him I said "haaaay".)

-----

I had a marvelous Saturday, thank you for asking! Two friends (Mary & Susann) from Charleston came to town, and brought a third NEW friend (Kelly) ... and we spent most of the day gossiping and shopping. (my 2 favorite pastimes) Kathy and I had to laugh when, after a few wine samples at Whole Foods Market, we got a momentary little buzz ... gastric bypass patients are truly the world's cheapest dates.

Saturday night, we all met again at our favorite watering hole to celebrate Kathy's 29th (to the 5th power) birthday.

Pictured above: me, Marcey, Kelly, Kathy, Mary (half of her, anyway), Susann, and (standing) Debra

(I wish we had somehow managed to get a full group shot of everyone!)

Everybody who is anybody was there ... Jimmy even graced us with his presence for the last few hours of the party! Awww! He choked down the smoky bar atmosphere, and put up with the loud music to come and meet some of my buddies ... and he even DANCED with me for one song.
I know. Miracles never cease.

-----

This is the week that Brandy will have an ultrasound to determine the sex of the littlest one! I can't even express how excited I am!

By now, the baby is about 7 inches long, weighs about 11 ounces, and is tumbling around like a master gymnast. It's hard to believe that Brandy's pregnancy has already passed the halfway point, and in a matter of a few months we will have a new person in our family!

-----

Today the countdown begins for NEXT weekend. BEACH!!!!! BEACH!!!!! BEACH!!!!! We're heading to St. George Island, Florida to spend time with the best brother and sister-in-law in the world ... Michael & Patti! Whooo hoooooo!!! (All those exclmation marks means I really am looking forward to it.)

I want to leave the house clean though, so today I must focus on the chores. I bought a little plaque last week that says: "All work and no pay makes ... a housewife." It makes me chuckle a little, but I'm fully aware that my pay comes in the form of being able to do what I want, when I want. (I ain't stoopid.)

"Diet Coke and a pizza, please ..."

I love Mika ...

"Back to life, back to reality ..."

Remember me?

Really, I had every intention of updating here while I was in Georgia. I took the old laptop, Michael hooked me up with some Internet access, and God knows there's not much else to do at my mother's house. But I had no idea how incredibly frustrating it'd be to sit and wait on that old laptop to decide to follow whatever command I had just given, and then do it using a dial-up connection. Sit and wait, sit and wait ... and if you knew how uncomfortable my mother's kitchen chairs are, well then you'd REALLY understand.

So I looked at my e-mail every few days, and that's about it. Sorry.

(I also had a plan to post a picture or two today, but I can't seem to remember how to operate THIS computer now. Grr.)

-----

So I left on June 3rd, and Mother's surgery was on Monday the 4th. They kept her in the hospital until that Friday afternoon, because she was really nauseous for some reason. The nurses all kept telling her that it was residual anesthesia in her system, and sometimes it takes awhile to get out of there, especially in older folks. She was miserable, and completely distracted and worried by the fact that she didn't want to eat.

She got some relief from all that on the day after she got back home, and really ... she's had a good recovery, so far. She's a most impatient person, and wanted to be "normal" the week after surgery though, so she's not been a very happy camper. But the nurse that comes to see her once a week, and her physical therapist that comes three times every week both tell her regularly how well she's doing.

I could go on for days and tell y'all all the stories ... but let's just leave it at this: I had some EXCELLENT life lessons on "How NOT To Behave As An Elderly Person". Now all I have to do is remember that shit after the Alzheimer's kicks in.

I'm so glad to be home, you would not believe.

"What's the big idea? ..."

Shhhh. It's a rare Saturday entry. We don't want to frighten it.

-----

Em and I were accosted in Wal-mart yesterday, further cementing my opinion that time in that store equals the loss of brain function. We were minding our own business in the hair products aisle, when out of nowhere, a Jesus zombie attacked us. I may have brought it on myself, since I smiled at the whack job when we passed her in the previous aisle.

She got all up in our space, and started in. Her eyes had this weird "I've been abducted by aliens" look, and she was wearing Bob Jones clothes. She started out with, "I just want to tell you ..." I thought she was going to say, "I just want to tell you ... you look MAHVELOUS!" Or "... you need a different hair color." Or even "... Girl, your butt gettin' big!"

But no. "I just want to tell you that Jesus Christ died for your sins. Blah blah blah ... blah de blah blah." Emilie snorted and laughed, which slowed the bitch down for a split second. But I think my entertained smile encouraged her. She talked for a good 2 minutes about her man JC before I could break the alien eye contact she had on us, and run the other direction.

I hate this about me: I spent the entire ride home thinking of things I WISH I had said to her.

Freaking Wal-mart.

-----

From the comments:
"Hey, I got a pedicure last weekend at the place by Bloom. The ladies there were in a great mood. They made me laugh soooo hard. Talking about dating and boyfriends and boob jobs and stuff."

Kathy, I didn't see a single lady anywhere in the place on Thursday afternoon. That's what I meant by the bad vibe I felt ... there were a couple of men working, and they were playing Cher on the CD player. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

He asked me if I wanted the hot towels on my legs ... I said yes ... then I think they charged me an extra $5 for the experience. The sign said "Spa Pedicure: $25", and he charged me $30. Oh well.

You made me laugh with the clacking dog toenails visual. Heee!

-----

Alright, here's the plan:

I leave tomorrow for Georgia. I plan to stay, initially, for 2 weeks. If, in that time, Mom's unable to get around her house safely, I will come back here for a weekend to pay bills and regroup ... then return for another stretch of however long it takes. Surely, between my two sisters and my niece, they can cover me for a weekend, right?

I'll have my laptop, and Michael and Patti are being generous with their Bellsouth account, so hopefully I'll be able to get online. Internet Withdrawal is not a pretty sight on me.

I fully expect this to be torturous. My mother does not have a good track record for handling pain like a trouper. I know this'll be really hard for her, and in turn ... hell for me. (And isn't it really ALL about me?)

I'll update here when I get the chance. Send me all your positive thoughts ... I will be needing every single one.

"Say a prayer but let the good times roll ..."

Random and disjointed thoughts:

***I love love love my new bathroom paint. 18-year-old wallpaper is nasty, but pale sage paint is beautiful.***

***I finally watched the 2-hour season finale of "Lost". Fan-freakin'-tastic, I thought. I heart Hurley. Big time.

***Had my 1-year blood work done yesterday. My vein rolled on the first stick, and she just kept trying to make it cooperate by moving the needle around and re-jabbing in the same spot. I'm really surprised I'm not bruised today.***

***We need rain.***

***Tried the new pedicure place next to Bloom on Hwy. 14. My toes look alright, but I didn't like the "vibe" I got from the people who worked there. I'll stick to Tips & Toes next to Whole Foods.***

***I watched season one of "Weeds" on DVD this week. Good show!***

***Just exactly how long does a 7-night cruise last anyway? I feel like it's been months since I've seen Adam & Brandy.***

***I need to up my protein intake. I've been slacking.***

***Can't even express how I dread being away from home for weeks. I'm such a baby. I hope someone will water my plants.***

***Must. Concentrate. On. Organization. For. Trip.***

***Get. Up. Get. Busy.***

"Drive until you lose the road ..."

Grandbaby-In-Progress Report:

Tiny bones in Baby's ears are in place this week. The backbone (along with the back muscles) is stronger now — strong enough, in fact, to enable Baby to work on straightening his or her head and neck even more. Baby's crown-to-rump measurement is between four and five inches in length, and weight is hovering around three ounces. Eyebrows and eyelashes, fingernails and toenails are all growing. In the next few weeks, Baby's movements will be felt by Mom! More developed facial muscles may lead to various expressions, such as squinting and frowning.

-----

It took 3 painters about 4 hours to completely paint the master bedroom and bathroom yesterday ... walls, windows, doors, and trim. It feels great to have it done. Now I'm forced to wait until I'm finished with helping my Mom before I can get started on replacing the carpet.

Hurry up and wait ... story of my life.

Went out yesterday afternoon and got new blinds for the windows, towel rods, faucet, light fixture and drawer pulls for the bathroom. Updates are good, especially after 18 years of the same old stuff.

"I just need time to walk it off ..."

I need another weekend to recover from my weekend.

We made it to GA in time for the visitation at the funeral home. It was good to see Laura ... and a bit surreal to see my cousins. How they've aged in the last 15 years! Meanwhile, I have stayed exactly the same. Yup.

The funeral on Saturday was as nice as a funeral can be. Even more cousins ... even more aging.


We drove home Saturday night after lots of hugs from family members we won't see again until the next funeral.


-----

On Sunday, Emilie and I spent a couple of hours at Freedom Weekend Aloft. We went mainly to see the Disc Dogs. We also saw lots of people spending money on worthless crap. And we got really hot. (89 degrees and sunny plus a crowded, un-airconditioned shuttle bus between parking and FWA fun equals My First "Eww I'm Hot And Sweaty" Moment of Summer 2007".)


Memorial Day was a flurry. Emilie joined me at Friend Kathy's house for a cookout. Lots of friends came, and the tables overflowed with food. Very nice time ... although, between the hike in the sun on Sunday and the time in the sun at Kathy's, now my scalp is red. It's so charming when it peels, too.


Did a little shopping after the cookout, came home and cooked out some more. The food was better at Kathy's. My grill needs an exorcism. I had 3 great steaks, and within 5 minutes (on low!), they were blackened beyond recognition. Ruined.


I spent the evening preparing for the painter. He called yesterday to say he'd be here early today. Whoo hoo!


-----


And so, today I have 3 painters in my bedroom. Happy to report, they are working like mad.


-----


I forgot to mention that Jimmy is suffering through a bout with the flu. He spent yesterday in bed, and would probably be there today, if it weren't for the painters. He's infecting the kitchen now, but will hopefully spend the good part of the day in the guest room. Emilie is planning a trip to the lake house in 10 days, and my Mom is depending on me to be there for her knee surgery a week from yesterday. Neither one of us wants to deal with the flu! We've begged him to keep his mucous to himself. We want him quarantined.

"Things we cannot change ..."

Irene Payne's obituary

Em and I are heading to GA in a bit. We'll return after the funeral tomorrow. Jimmy's flight arrives from Puerto Rico tonight, he'll be forced to fend for himself until we get back.

-----

Still no painter. I spoke to him on Tuesday, and he said he'd "try" to get out here in the next few days. Whatever.

-----

Safe and happy cruising, Adam & Brandy. Yes, I'm jealous ... but I'm also really happy that you both have a chance to get away. I hope you love the Glory as much as I did! Emilie and I will take care of the Fat Cat while you are gone, so no worries about home. See you when you return!

"A change would do you good ..."

What a difference a year makes.

All week long I been doing the “This time last year I was…” thing.

This time last year I was in a lot of pain. I had no idea I'd be in ICU before the night was done. Emilie was telling me last night about how she felt that night a year ago, when they came back from dinner to find me unconscious, with a blood oxygen level of 20. I'm incredibly lucky that my surgeon was there in the hospital that night. I owe an awful lot to the man who rerouted my digestive tract. I believe he also saved my life. (I hope I can still say this in 25 years ... I hope the long-term effects of malabsorption don't prove to be a deal-breaker.)

The fact that I spent almost a month in the hospital ... the fact that I had to make it through countless days of "NPO" (Nothing by mouth. Nothing.) ... the fact that I had to endure IV nutrition, a chest tube, pneumonia ... none of those facts change THIS fact:

This time last year I weighed more than 300 pounds. And today I weigh 179. (Hopefully on my way to 168 or so.)

It might take years for my brain to get used to this.

-----

Of course, I was told before the surgery that at, or around, the one-year mark is where the REAL work would begin. I'm talking about the fight against regaining. The body is remarkable in its ability to adapt. My intestines will begin-- and probably have already started -- to absorb more calories from the food I eat. I will have to practice portion-control, because my "pouch" will get bigger as time goes by.

In other words, the further out I am from the gastric bypass surgery, the harder I will have to work to maintain the weight loss.

Just like everybody else.

-----

No news about my Aunt today. She's in a lot of pain. I know her children are, too.

(Thanks, Amy. xo)

"Clarity, peace, serenity ..."

(The pictures on yesterday's post were taken during Emilie's trip to Ohio last week.)

-----

I got a new cell phone yesterday. This happens about every two years, as I become eligible for a much-reduced price to replace my current phone. My husband HATES this ... he thinks everything ought to last forever. But after two years, it's fun to get the latest bells and whistles.

Only it takes this old lady months to learn how to use new bells and whistles.

My New Toy:

-----

Mom called me late yesterday afternoon to tell me that my Aunt Irene is dying. She's been in the hospital or in rehab since just after the New Year, recovering from heart bypass surgery ... and it's been a grim picture since then. But really, none of us were prepared for the news the doctors gave my cousin yesterday ... that my aunt's organs and systems were shutting down, and there's no hope for a recovery. She's on a respirator, and my cousin made the decision yesterday to keep her there, until the other kids could make it there to say goodbye to their Mom. I'm thinking it's only a matter of days now.

My mother is worrying about Uncle Charles (Mom's brother). He has Parkinson's Disease, is in his 80's now, and is about as feeble and frail as you can get. I know that losing his wife of over 50 years will hit him pretty hard.

-----

When I was a child, Aunt Irene always made me feel inadequate. We were the Poor Relations of the family. They lived in a much nicer home and neighborhood than we did, and my cousins got to do all the activities that we did not: tennis lessons, horseback riding, gymnastics, etc.

But we were always together on the holidays, and sleepovers at my cousins' house were common. She gave a bridal shower for me when I married Jimmy. She kept up on Family News, and has never failed to send me a card when I was sick or in the hospital.

I know now that most of my feelings of inadequacy came from my own head. While Aunt Irene came across as snobby and judgemental, she really was just dealing with her own demons. Aren't we all?

Our family will be a lot smaller without her.

-----

I realized last night that I have nothing to wear to a funeral. My wardrobe consists (literally) of several pairs of jeans, and a couple of khaki crop pants. Today I will find a decent dress.

"Everything around her is a silver pool of light ..."

"Born under a bad sign ..."

If there are any Canadians lurking aboot, Happy Victoria Day. (I'm so glad my son isn't there to help you celebrate.)

Speaking of traveling family-members ... Jimmy arrived safely in Puerto Rico last night. Living near the airport has definitely been a convenience over the last 18 years of his travels with his job.

Em's flying in from Ohio tonight. Sounds like the wedding was unbelievable, and I can't wait to hear all the details.

-----

Yow. Last night's Sopranos episode had me in tears. I may have cried over a scene or two before, but I don't remember it. AJ's suicide attempt was some powerful acting, for both Gandolfini and Iler. When Tony said, "You're alright, baby", I was wrecked.

Of course, there were the usual chuckles -- Little Carmine talking about T's "alteration" with Coco (ouch, that hurt) ... and "... on the edge of a precipice at a major crossroads" ... Sil reading "How To Clean Practically Anything". Classic.

Carmela wins the title of Queen of All Hypocrites with her line, "Do you know what it's like to spend day after day with someone who is constantly complaining?" Sheesh, Carm. Dur.

Sad that there won't be an episode next Sunday. Sadder still to realize I'll be in GA when the final two episodes air. And apparently, they don't offer HBO in Columbus GA.*** I will have to drive to LaGrange to watch it with Sister Laura, I guess. That, or I'll have to pay my husband to NOT ERASE the DVR before I can get back home to see it. Crap.

(*** Of course HBO is offered in Columbus ... it's just that neither Sister Kay or my mother subscribes.)

-----

The usual mundane Monday activities are on tap for today. You?

"She's got the power to be ..."

10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color: I usually say green, but I like blue, too.
Favorite Food: Shrimp. Or steak. Or carrot cake.
Favorite Month: October
Favorite Song: Right now, it’s "Love Today" by MIKA.
Favorite Movie: Shirley Valentine. It's FINALLY been released on DVD. Yay!
Favorite Sport: College football ... Go Tigers!
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Day of the week: Wednesday. (I picked that one out of the hat, can you tell?)
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Coffee. Or Butter Pecan. Or Blue Bell Banana Pudding.
Favorite Time of Day: 3:24.

9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: Anxious.
Current Taste: Peppermint aftertaste.
Current Clothes: Blue jeans, lime green shirt (Talbots size 3x, and yeah, it's too big).
Current Desktop: The blue, blue sky with the green, green grass that came with my computer.
Current Toenail Color: Some hot pinkish-reddish stuff from my last pedicure at Tips & Toes.
Current Time: 2:42 PM.
Current Surroundings: Adam's Room ... will we ever stop calling it that? It's really now a guest room/computer room/treadmill room.
Current Thoughts: "My digestive tract is so screwed up. I should probably just stop eating altogether."

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: Andrea Corman ... the first Jewish person I ever knew. I thought she was SO lucky to have matzo bread in her house.
First Kiss: Jimmy LaPaz. Ew.
First Screen Name: Zora59.
First Pet: Tico, the Siamese-mix kitten ... who was smooshed under a car tire, after Andrea Corman's parent's party guest left their house one Saturday night in 1966.
First Piercing: Ears, in 1971 or so ... a neighbor did it for me. She numbed my ears first by having me clip a clothespin on each ear until I couldn't feel my lobes anymore. Then she poked a sewing needle through them, and put a pair of earrings in. It's a wonder I didn't die.
First Crush: Bobby Sherman, 1970. Actually I had a crush on Batman, as played by Adam West, several years before that. Yikes!
First CD: I don’t remember. But my first 45 RPM record was "These Boots Are Made For Walking" by Nancy Sinatra.

7 LASTS
Last Coffee: I haven't had coffee in a few weeks. I have no idea why.
Last Drink: I have a huge glass of ice water right here next to me.
Last Car Ride: Yesterday. I drove to the tanning bed, and back home again.
Last Kiss: I haven't had my last kiss yet.
Last Movie Seen: I woke up at 3:30 AM today and couldn't go back to sleep, so I went downstairs and watched Notes On A Scandal. I thought it was scandalously good.
Last Phone Call: Emilie called from Ohio this morning.

6 HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: Nope.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yep.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Nope.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Nope.
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yep.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: Nope.

5 THINGS
Thing You’re Wearing: Did we not just cover this one up there in the "9 Currents" section?
Thing You’ve Done Today: Laundry.
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: "Hung Up" by Madonna, on my earphones.
Thing You Can’t Live Without: My iPod (of course I could live without it. I just don’t care to try.)
Thing You Do When You’re Bored: Catch up on my DVR'ed stuff.

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY
1. The bathroom.
2. The family room.
3. The laundry room.
4. The deck.

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
1. Jimmy.
2. Laura.
3. Kay.

2 CHOICES
1. Black or White: I love black, but man ... the cat hair really shows.
2. Hot or Cold: Hot (First time in my life, I prefer hot to cold now. I have lost my insulation.)

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
I'd like to attend my grandchild's 40th birthday party.

"Don't burn the day away ..."

My week is disappearing at warp speed. Whatever that is.

I returned the rental contract for our week at the beach in September today. I tell you, it's the carrot that is dangling in front of my nose lately ... the idea of a whole week at the ocean with my favorite people. September 15 can't get here soon enough. And there better be no damn hurricanes that week.

Does this not look like a little piece of heaven? It does to me ....

-----

Still waiting on a darn painter to e-mail his estimate. How long could it take?

-----

Poker night for the engineers tonight. This has been a week of "no cooking" for me, and I have to admit, it's not that bad.

-----

More lyrics from a Dave Matthews Band song that spoke to me during my treadmill time this morning:

Come sister, my brother

Shake up your bones, shake up your feet

I'm saying open up

And let the rain come flooding in

Wash out this tired notion

That the best is yet to come

But while you're dancing on the ground

Don't think of when you're gone

Love, love, love, what more is there?

'Cause we need the light of love in here

Don't beat your head

Dry your eyes

Let the love in there

There're bad times

But that's okay

Just look for love in it

"Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life ..."

I'm so sadistic. After an entire week of daily posts, I decided to leave you hanging until Wednesday afternoon for your "What Dawn's Worrying About Today" update.

Sorry 'bout that. Where were we?

Oh yeah ... quiet weekend. We had dinner at Adam & Brandy's house on Saturday night, to celebrate Mother's Day. Sunday, Jimmy and I got a few extra pieces of furniture out of our bedroom, down the stairs and OUT of the house. That felt good. Then I sat my ass in front of the television and watched "The Queen" and "The Pursuit Of Happyness". Enjoyed both of them, but I think I liked "The Queen" a little bit more than the other one.

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I've had two painters come by to look at the bedroom and bath ... still waiting to hear back from one with his estimate. My hope is that maybe the painting will be done by the end of next week.

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Em's off in Ohio this week ... and I miss her! She's called a few times, and is having a really nice time though, so I'm happy she was able to make the trip. She's in love with the town of Dublin, Ohio. And a particular young man who calls that his hometown.

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Got a call from my Mom this morning ... her knee replacement will happen on Monday, June 4th. I guess I need to start making arrangements now ... I told her I would come for the surgery, and stay for as long as she needs me to be there afterwards.

... I will survive.

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Baby Update:

Head to bottom, the baby is about 3 1/2 inches long — about the length of a lemon — and weighs about 1 1/2 ounces. Baby's body is growing faster than its head, which now sits upon a more well-defined neck. By the end of this week, the arms will have lengthened and will be in proportion to the rest of the body. (Baby's legs still have some growing to do, though.) Baby is starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair all over its body (called lanugo). The liver starts secreting bile this week, a sign that it's already functioning properly, and the spleen starts contributing to the production of red blood cells. Baby's also producing and discharging urine into the amniotic fluid, a normal process that will continue until birth. Mom still can't feel the baby's movements, but the hands and feet (which are now half an inch long) are more flexible and active. Thanks to brain impulses, little facial muscles are getting a workout as Baby squints, frowns, and grimaces. Baby can grasp now, too, and may be able to suck a thumb.

I wonder if Little Bit has any CLUE how much he or she is already loved.

"To love them so much it hurts ..."

Amy. thanks for the wonderful comment you left me on yesterday's entry. You are the best. :-)

And heyyyy Dianne! Thanks for letting me know about your doc ... We are going to try out the group that Adam & Brandy use, since they are right down the road from us. Hope to see you soon, Friend.

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This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's alright honey, Mommy's here."


Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.


This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.


For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.


And all the mothers who DON'T.


This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see.


And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.


And for the mothers who lost their baby in that precious 9 months that they will never get to watch grow on earth, but one day will be reunited with in Heaven.


This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.


And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?", they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.


This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner.


And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.


This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies.


And for all the mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.


This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.


For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."


This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school.


And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.


This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook, and their daughters to sink a jump shot.


This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.


This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.


This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.


This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love ... sometimes totally unappreciated.


For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.


For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.


For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.


This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.


What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?


Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?


The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?


The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?


Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?


The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation ... and mature mothers learning to let go.


For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.


Single mothers and married mothers.


Mothers with money, mothers without.


This is for you all. For all of of us.

(Author Unknown)



Happy Mother's Day.

"I could be wholesome, I could be loathsome ..."

I swear to you this: Learning to "let go" is one of the, if not the, hardest lesson life is trying to teach me. I don't know if all parents have such a difficult time with the whole "I'm A Mom, But My Kids Are Adults 101", but holy crap. I ride the short bus to school every day for this class.

Add to the mix the fact that I've lost almost 140 pounds in the last year, and am struggling to figure out why this has changed some aspects of my personality, and left others exactly where they've always been. I feel "younger" and a little more "part of the world" than I did for the last 20 years. But I have to stop and think about how weirded-out I'd be if Frances started wanting to go out with friends every weekend, or listening to hip-hop, or using language that'd make a sailor blush. I'd be angry. And even at my advanced age, I'd want her to get back in the Mom Box. That's where she's always been, damnit, and that's who she is to me. (Speaking of Frances, she saw an orthopedic surgeon yesterday, and will have her knee replacement surgery sometime in the next six weeks. She'll learn the exact date in the next week or so.)

And then I always seem to be adding the cherry on top: I can't stop with the advice-giving. My kids are adults. I raised them well. They don't want -- or need -- the constant hints and tips on "How To Live Your Best Life".

Gaaaaah. I'm hopeless. I'm really sorry yesterday was so crappy, Em. I won't stop trying.

I need to start doing my homework so I can finally pass this class.

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Amy, my primary care doc is a disappointment, in every way.

I keep saying I'm going to find a new one, but let's not forget: I'm the Queen Of Procrastination in all things. Anyway, he's basically useless with the medical stuff ... one of the reasons it's been over a year since I've even been to his office. The last time I did see him, he was sending me to Weight Watchers, and trying different anti-depressants, so I thought he'd be blown away by my weight loss.

I should have known. He played it very cool, telling me I looked good, in his monotone-doctor-voice ... AFTER I told him I'd had weight loss surgery. I guess, in hindsight, it wouldn't have been very professional of him to come in and say, "JESUS! You lost weight!", like I wanted him to do. Heh.

He asked how I liked my surgeon, saying he had several patients who needed the surgery, but he didn't know about any of the surgeons around here. WHA??? I mean, you're a physician in an area that has THREE surgeons who do this type of surgery. If you had patients who "need it", why wouldn't you take an hour or two and FIND THE FUCK OUT??!! (There I go with the non-Mom language. Sorry.)

He was nice, but he lived up to his reputation of "useless". I couldn't even count on him for a little excited reaction to my weight loss. Maybe he feels the same way my husband does: "Hey, isn't that what the surgery was SUPPOSED to do??!!"

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Heyyyyy Melissa!

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Finally: Whew. Blake and his beatbox survived to sing another week.

"The path of least resistance is catching up with me again today ..."

That was the worst episode of American Idol I've ever seen. Barry Gibb has not aged well, "blessch hissch heart". He reminded me of the SNL-version of Sean Connery. And a monkey. The vocals all sucked, even my beloved Blake. Of course, Melinda didn't really suck. But it was boring. And the advice Paula gave her was ridiculous ... something like "Forget the technical part of singing for once!" Brilliant, that one. She looked like she tripped and fell into a bucket of makeup last night.

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Speaking of music, my new favorite iPod downloads (in no particular order):

~ Brandi Carlile: "The Story" (entire album) This one is the soundtrack to my life on the "black days". I love her voice.

~ Mika: "Life In Cartoon Motion" (entire album) Too much fun.

~ Regina Spektor: "Samson", "Fidelity" and "Hotel Song" Again, with the beautiful voice and haunting lyrics.

~ Amy Winehouse: "You Know I'm No Good" and "Rehab" She makes me want to light a cigarette and order a double bourbon, no ice.

~ Mat Kearney: "Nothing Left To Lose" Just a pretty song.

~ Augustana: "Boston" See above.

~ P!nk: "I'm Not Dead" (entire album) When did Pink become P!nk? She is AWESOME. I would leave my husband for her, if she looked at me twice.

~ Jenny Owen Youngs: "Hot In Herre" It's acoustic, she's white, and she totally COVERS Nelly's song. (Oh yes, she does.)

I heartily endorse every single one. LOVE them.

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Heading to the mall in a bit ... Em is spending next week in Ohio for a wedding in her sweetie's family, and will need a hostess gift, at the very least. A rehearsal dinner dress is needed too.

Yay. Mall.

"You bring me hope, I'll see you soon ..."

I have a doctor's appointment this morning with my primary care doc. I haven't seen him since I weighed 330 pounds. I have to admit, I'm looking forward to seeing his expression during that first hello. After that, not so much.

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I was waiting for the big announcement to be made over at Fat Cat's house before I said a word here about the momentous and joyous event that has begun in our family. I guess this is it. I think they are both so busy with work and life right now, blogging has taken the 3rd row seat in their mini-van. (They don't have a mini-van.)

But yeah, y'all. HELL yeah.

If the anticipation continues to grow ... by the time November gets here, I'll be wearing appliqued sweatshirts that say "World's Best Nana" and knitting the 50th pair of booties. (Just go ahead and shoot me if I let my hair go grey and then perm it. Promise.)

The official due date is November 14, 2007, and according to my research, our grandbaby's head is about a third the size of its body right now. The baby has fingerprints already! Amniotic fluid has been swallowed, and the urinary tract is functioning. The baby is about 3 inches long, and weighs about an ounce. And yes, about once a week, I will keep you informed about the growth and development of the first baby in our family in over 20 years. I can't help myself.

And for the record: LB and TH are going to be the most incredible parents. I may burst with the pride.

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Check out my friend Kathy... the link is in the sidebar over there. Her "Thoughts and Other Junk" is brand new, and maybe if she knows we're all reading, she'll update more often. I'm sure she'll use that free time between her full-time job, raising her beautiful daughter, keeping her lovely home, maintaining her happy marriage, and shopping with ME to keep us all entertained with her opinions and ideas. (I know you love me, Kathy.)

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Amy ... you are so sweet with your comments. I know I have a few other readers, but you are the only one who consistently lets me know you're out there. Thank you!

"I don't shine if you don't shine ..."

I gots nothing to "blog". Weekends are pretty much void of bloggable stuff around here lately.

Jimmy worked on his lawnmower ALL weekend. Adam flew in from Canada on Saturday, hopefully to stay awhile.

I didn't feel completely healthy most of the weekend. I'll keep the details to myself ... and you'll thank me. I made things infinitely worse by eating a bowl of banana pudding last night. Oh, Sweet Baby Jeeezis. I made everyone promise to slap the shit out of me, should I ever attempt to eat a serving of dessert EVER again.

This week brings with it a new determination to eat right and exercise more.

I start over every single day.

"Why don't you like me? ..."

While watching the local news last night, I was visited by Grandma F.

I could hear her voice in my head, as plain as day, saying, "Dawn, I told you this would happen!" Seems that a fire broke out at Magnolia Place nursing home on Tuesday afternoon . Nobody was injured, but all the residents had to be moved into other facilities while the cleanup takes place.

I'm glad she's in heaven, where there are no smokers and dope fiends. No fire drills, either (I hope).

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As predicted, Chris (Don't I Look Like Justin Timberlake?) Richardson was sent home last night on Idol. And only a little less predictable ... Phil Stacey sang his farewell song, too. He seemed like a really nice guy (hell, Chris did too), and had the foresight to choose an excellent song for his last AI performance ... "Blaze Of Glory" works well for going out with a bang.

Amy, if you'd like to see just a snippet of each performance, they are now available for download here. You have the ability to watch a portion of each performance without actually paying for it. (Click on "preview".)

And let me go on record, here and now, with my confession that the Robin Thicke Love Train left me sitting on a bench at the station. Ewwww. So very NOT my cup of Earl Grey. Me no like.

Another "Aaarrrrghh Moment" from last night: A sign in the audience: "Blake Your #1!". Do the schools not teach the distinction between "your" and "you're" anymore? Because this is becoming far too common for my teeth ... I am grinding them to nubs every time I see it. I can understand an occasional slip-up or typo, but I see at least one instance of this particular grammar mess EVERY day. (As if I have any room to criticize grammar messes, with all my incomplete sentences and my love of the ellipse. Pot: "Kettle, you're so damn black!")

Third Moment: The "Idol Gives Back" recap ... STOP it. At least there were no Bush family members on my TV last night.

Not much excitement left in this show for me now ... Blake, LaKisha, and Melinda will all end up with recording contracts, despite who actually wins.

Final note: Richie Sambora is still easy on these old-lady eyes, even after all these years.

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Interesting article I read online last night -- "Survey: 10 jobs moms work would bring in $138,095 a year" ... had me dreaming of the car I'd be driving if I actually earned a paycheck for 20 years in the Mom Business.

Naaaa ... the rewards are all in the hugs, people. Let me try and remember the last hug I got ... hold on ...

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... I'm only teasing. I get at least one hug a week these days. And back in the day, when I was actually doing all the "mom jobs", I was totally overpaid ... my kids were THE BEST at showing me love. (smile)

Speaking of kids ... This week is sooo slow for me, and I'm hoping it's moving along a little faster for you, Adam. We miss you!

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"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." - Robert Orben

"Shot through the heart ..."

American Idol Nonsense:

I'm not a huge Bon Jovi fan (so shoot me), but this was one of my favorite shows. He gave really on-the-money comments about everyone's performances,

AND he's pretty.

More evidence that it doesn't matter WHAT genre of music they hand to Melinda, she will make it look easy. She is such a professional. But my favorite performance last night was BLAKE. I watched the entire song with a huge grin on my face. Then I APPLAUDED when it was done. And then I had to rewind the DVR so I could watch it all over again. "That was the BOMB, dawg." I guess there were some people out there who hated it, because he had the nerve and the talent to actually change up a classic Bon Jovi hit ... but his rendition of "You Give Love A Bad Name" is something I might actually download. And I'm picky about what goes on my little iPod.

Sad to say, Jordin was the only one who had a really bad night. She used the excuse that rock music was out of her element, but then Melinda came along and proved you don't have to be a rocker to sing it well. And again, Phil is pissing me off by improving every week. I so don't want to like him. Lakiki and Chris did great jobs last night, too.

Oh, and shut up, George W. Bush. Now you have time to film a spot for American Idol??

Two people get sent packing tonight ... glad I don't have to be the one who decides. Based on this week's singing, Chris and Jordin should leave. But since the votes will be combined with last week's votes, it'll likely be Chris and LaKisha.

In a perfect world, it'd be George and Laura.

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I did get some flowers planted over the weekend, and so far, no squirrels have uprooted a single one. I have to keep an eye on them, several times a day though... the squirrels in my yard hate me. The feeling is mutual.

The cat-hair tumbleweeds are threatening a takeover today, so I'll be dancing with my Dyson in a little while. I live a movie star life, yes indeed.

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What's up with the 90-degree weather during the first week of May? Ohhhh yeah. Al Gore 'splained that already.

"I hear in my mind all of these voices ..."

Bad week. Baaaad week.

But it's Friday, so it can't be ALL bad, right? I guess.

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My boy child is back in Canada. And that makes me sad. He'll get to come back home a week from tomorrow, so maybe it won't be so bad. (At least he's not in Baghdad.)

Was that a poem? You decide.

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Looks like we're headed into some perfect weather for the weekend. Maybe I'll get some flowers planted. I wish I had some options when it comes to my flowerpots ... but considering our deck gets NO sun, I'm limited to shade-loving flowers. There's not a lot to choose from.

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I'm working really hard here to jump over this high wall of black that appeared in my head a few days ago. Don't even know where it came from. But I refuse to let it win this time. I am NOT going to isolate myself and worry over things (my old ways of dealing with "the black"). I'm not. Aside from Adam having to leave again, and my husband being his usual "I'm smiling at you, but I don't like you" self, there's nothing worth worrying over. Everything is fine. Hell, most things are really GOOD lately.

Go away, black. I don't have time for you anymore.

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Late to the party again, I FINALLY have started watching Grey's Anatomy. I rented the first season from Netflix last week, and so far, I really like it. I'm only a few episodes in, and already I've figgered out why the big fuss is made over Patrick Dempsey's character, Derek (McDreamy).

Yes.

I like.

"I start making a deal, inspired by gravity ..."

The fly boys are home, safe and sound. They pulled in, exhausted as expected, around 4:30 PM yesterday. From what they shared with me, I believe they enjoyed the trip. Overall, anyway. They're considering a different airplane now, based on things they learned down there. Since my knowledge on the subject is nil, I tend to keep my mouth shut on the subject ... I just want them safe at the end of the day. So the dang airplane better be reliable.

I have not received clearance to do so, but I'm putting up a few pictures:

Adam, standing amongst their "accommodations". I know they were both glad to be back in a regular bed last night. (It took me several minutes to decide that the wiggly gray thing in the foreground might be a fallen piece of Spanish moss ... and not a furry snake, as I originally thought)

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Don't know what he's doing here, but it looks like he's ironing with surgical gloves on.

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Learning to weld -- or impressing little kids -- or both.

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Off to visit my treadmill ... then the dentist. Every day can't be a "Fun Day", people.

"Everything good needs replacing ..."

And she lived to see another day. I don't know what that germ was, but it was a doozy. I feel better now.

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I've been productive so far today. My nails are "filled", my skin has been nuked at the tanning bed, and I've turned in a job application. AND I walked on the treadmill before I left the house. The bed is made, too. It boggles the mind, doesn't it?!

Still have the paperwork piled on the desk, but that'll be done in the next couple of hours.

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No word from the Campin' Men yet today ... I have no idea when to expect them back in SC. I'm sure they'll be exhausted when they do arrive.

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Loved last night's Sopranos episode ... laughed outloud several times (Paulie's shoes, Tony asking Paulie if he'd ever been tested for Tourette's), but the whole episode had me on the edge of my chair. The boat scene, by itself, raised my blood pressure several points. Tension with a capital "T". Lorrrrd, it makes me sad to think of that show ending ... and even sadder to think of HOW it will end. Damn my TV addiction. I'm far too invested in all these make-believe characters and their make-believe lives.

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I'm throwing up a picture of Emilie and her favorite pup, and calling it a Monday.

"You're contagious ..."

This is my world today.

Netflix DVDs.

Magazines.

Tylenol Flu. (Gastric bypass safe.)

Nyquil. (NOT gastric bypass safe. I don't care.)

Puffs Plus.

Fluids.

Cold-Eeze. (Started too late.)

And the Lysol is there for effect. Because man, I feel germy.

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If I live, I'll be back on Monday.

"Well, well, it's fine out today ..."

I can't believe it. Sanjaya is gone.

In the end, he almost got to me ... I'm a sucker for tears every time. But then he sang again, and I remembered why he bugs the hell out of me.

"Let's give 'em something to talk about ... other than HAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRR ..."

Guh. But he had me talking, did he not? Sneaky little boy. I think I will miss laughing at him every week a bit. For a 17-year-old, he seemed to handle the national criticism with humor and grace.

Phil survived because he actually improved on Tuesday night. The nerve! But what the hell ... Blake in the Bottom Three? My heart grew another size when I saw the loving way he wiped Lakisha's tears sooo carefully. So what if he wears goofy hats sometimes! The guy can sing, AND he understands about the smearing of the mascara.

But I'm bugged beyond belief that they all got to see Shrek The Third before the rest of us. No fair! (Emilie mentioned last night how she and Jud were discussing the fact that Melinda Doolittle resembles Fiona ... I'll be damned. She does!)

Enough with the American Idol already.

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The campers got on the road at an ungodly hour today ... around 5 AM-ish. Hopefully they can stay awake on the Interstate for 9 hours. Jimmy had so many boxes with supplies going into his truck last night, it looked like he was moving out. I know he's not really ... he left his motorcycle here.

For those not in the loop, Jimmy and Adam are planning to build a freakin' airplane. At some point during the building, they're both hoping to obtain their pilot's license, so they can actually USE the airplane they build. Apparently building your own plane isn't as scary and insane as building your own car, or even building your own house. Adam tells me LOTS of people do it ... and they really fly around in them and everything.

It'll be an expensive and time-intensive project ... but one they both want to do with all their hearts. Jimmy has talked about having his pilot's license since he was in his early 20's. It took his son saying, "Life is short ... let's DO this thing!" for him to really consider the possibility. I hope they both can make this dream of theirs a reality.

Thus. the reason for the 9-hour Interstate drive to Florida. There's a big gathering of homemade aircraft and the people who build the things, and the two men from my family will be among them this weekend. I hope they have a blast.

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I have the sniffles and a cough. Is it pollen? Is it tuberculosis? Only time will tell.

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"Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care." - William Safire

"They don't know my head is a mess ..."

Ugh. I have the beginnings of the creeping crud in my chest and throat. I was trying to blame it on the hours I spent in a smoky bar on Saturday night, but now it's Wednesday and it's worse than it was on Monday and Tuesday.

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Lots of errands to run today ... I bought a battery-operated fan for the campers to use this weekend in their tent, and during the test run last night, it broke. What did I expect for $12? Actually, I expected a battery-operated fan that wouldn't break the first time someone touched it. Oh well. In the wise words of my Tony, "Whuddaya gonna do?" So that means a trip to the dreaded Walmart to return it. Then I'll head over to Dick's to see if they have a more substantial camping fan. Also, I'll finally be stopping at Petsmart to get a refund for the tainted cat food that was recalled. I bought 12 packs, and there are only 8 left ... which means I may have poisoned my cat on 4 different occasions. She seems none the worse for it.

Let's see ... what else? Shopping with Em for a "business" outfit. Shaking my head in shame as I procrastinate another day over cleaning my disgusting bathroom. Laundry. That'll just about fill the next eight hours.

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Got a letter from work today ... asking us to sign up for hours next Wednesday, when we'll be taking calls for the American Idol fundraiser. It beats taking orders for those damn Natural Cures books by a long shot.

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My new favorite song this week:

"The Story"

(Brandi Carlile)

All of these lines across my face

Tell you the story of who I am

So many stories of where I've been

And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything

When you've got no one to tell them to

It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops

Swam all across the ocean blue

I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules

But baby I broke them all for you

Because even when I was flat broke

You made me feel like a million bucks

You do...and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you...

"And it breaks my heart ..."

I don't know what happened to Monday. It was over before it began.

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Nice, fast weekend here ... with Emilie and Allie the Pup to keep me company. We spent time at Cleveland Park Dog Park on both Friday and Saturday. People-watching AND dog-watching ... I could stay there for hours. Allie is a very well-behaved puppy, but Maggie got one good kitty-swipe at her nose when she got too close on Friday. And that's all it took. Allie kept her distance after that. She did take out the majority of the hostas in my front yard, but the yard looks like hell this year anyway. Crazy pup ... Em promised to e-mail me a picture to post from the weekend, but I guess she forgot.

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I woke this morning, still feeling so terribly sad for all the families and friends affected by the VA Tech shootings. So many lives ... and for what? There are no answers, and even if there were an explanation, it wouldn't be enough for those families who woke up yesterday, thinking their loved one was starting a normal day at college ... and then, before the day was ended, had to endure the horror and pain of learning they'd never see them again. And that kind of pain lasts forever. My heart is broken for all affected.

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Jimmy is busy preparing for his long weekend of bonding with his son and sleeping on the ground in Florida. The bonding part will be done while they drool over home-built airplanes, and converse with the people who built them. I think they are both looking forward to it a lot. I hope all the airplane fun makes up for the fact that they are sleeping in a tent. (And I'm saying this, based NOT on my own distaste for campground bathrooms, but on the groans and moans that occur when Jimmy tries to get up every morning ... after spending the night in an expensive Sleep Number bed. He will probably be unable to move after a night in a sleeping bag.)

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Can't decide, at this early point, whether I will enjoy the solitude this weekend or hit the road for GA to visit my Mom. I suspect Lazy Dawn will win out.

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"My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." - Vladimir Nabokov