Wednesday, April 07, 2004

"The more I grow, the less I know ..."

Hi.

First of all, to reply to Sister Kay's comment from my last entry (8 months ago) ... A Dyson vac is AWESOME. That's all I can say. And it costs as much as most awesome things cost. I want the purple one, just in case you're shopping later.

Same ole, same ole going on around here. Except Jimmy is home this week. Right now, he's "checking" my work on the taxes upstairs. Which means that my "background music" is the sound of his grumbling and mumbling, with the occasional "I'll be DAMNED!" thrown in for good measure. Ahhh.

Here's a quiz thing (I love quiz things) I saw on Robyn's journal:

Do I Remember

When John F. Kennedy was shot (Nov. 22, 1963) No, I was four years old. And considering the fact that my parents never even told me I was going to have a baby sister (when I was SEVEN years old), I'm fairly certain they never shared this tragedy with me.

When Mt. St. Helens blew (May 18, 1980) Only vaguely. I was in my fifth month of pregnancy, and we lived in a tiny little town north of Columbus, GA. I remember watching the news reports, but not much else.

When the space shuttle Challenger exploded (January 28, 1986) Definitely. I was at home that morning, with the TV on for company. The regular programs were interrupted to show the launching, since this flight was so newsworthy ... a "regular citizen" was part of the crew. I remember the cameras kept focusing on the faces of her parents as the launch got underway. It's the face of her mother, as she sees the explosion in the sky, that I will always remember.

When the 7.1 earthquake hit San Francisco (October 17, 1989) I don't remember this as clearly as I should. I do remember the news reports of the overpasses and bridges crumbling.

When the Berlin Wall fell (November 9, 1989) I was amazed.

When the Gulf War began (January 16, 1991) I had two children in elementary school, and I was busy, busy, busy with my volunteer work. It seemed like something very far away, and I felt safe in my world. Until a friend at the kids' school (the assistant principal) told me that her own son was over there fighting. That was the exact moment I had a personal realization of just what war means.

When OJ Simpson was chased in his white Bronco (June 17, 1994) This happened only a few months after my father's death. I was in Columbus, with the kids, at my mother's house. We had been working hard for days to get ready for a yard sale, and we had sort of collapsed in front of the TV that night. I wasn't really sure what was going on at the time, but it wasn't long before EVERYBODY knew.

When the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City was bombed (April 19, 1995) Again, one of those days that the TV was on to keep me company around here. I watched the news all day, and cried.

When Princess Di was killed (August 31, 1997) Oh, how I loved Princess Di. It was late on a Saturday night, and I was deep into an insane AOL addiction. Which means I was awake, online, and sloshing around in a wine bottle. I remember running back and forth to the TV in my bedroom to hear the latest on the car crash. And then the reports came that she was dead. It was surreal. A few days later, I cried my heart out as her funeral was broadcast on TV. The sight of her sons walking behind her coffin ... all the flowers that were tossed at her passing hearse ... Elton's song "England's Rose" ... going on seven years later, it's still one of the saddest things I can think of.

When Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold opened fire on their classmates at Columbine High School (April 20, 1999) Horrifying. My own two children were in high school. I watched as the story unfolded, crying for the parents ... and the kids.

When Bush was first announced President (November 7, 2000) I was sad that something that seemed so messed up could happen in a country as "orderly and organized" as the USA.

When the 6.8 earthquake hit Nisqually, WA (February 28, 2001) Well, I feel terrible. I don't remember this at all.

When terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center (September 11, 2001) Of course. I was driving in my car to a job interview, and the radio announced that a "small plane had just crashed into the World Trade Center" ... at the time, I thought it was an accident. By the time my interview was over, the second plane had crashed ... and the reports were clear that this was no accident. No small plane either. I rushed home to the TV, where I watched the rest of the day. Hell, I watched TV for days afterward. Jimmy called me from work that day ... he was at some seminar somewhere and they had no access to a TV. He called to find out just what was happening. I remember saying, "Oh my God, the building is collapsing, and there are still people in there." I remember Emilie calling me that night, and telling me she was scared. I remember the skies with no airplanes for days. I remember not being able to wrap my head around the number of people who were trapped in those buildings. I remember the faces of the people running through the streets of New York. Oh yeah, I remember. :(

Friday, March 26, 2004

"You want it all, but you can't have it ..."

Every time I hear that song, I remember a certain summer at the beach house when all I wanted in the world was a "conversion van". God. To me, it was heaven on earth to imagine the four of us, traveling in style down the highway, in our cushy seats ... watching a VHS tape. Whoo hoo! Anyway, sister Laura (fortified by our usual breakfast cocktail of vodka & whatever else we could find) started singing that song, only she changed the words ... and now when I hear this oldie-but-goodie, I hear Laura singing, "You want a conversion van, but you can't have ittttt". We thought it was hilarious, and it went on for months ... as did all our drunken humor. (Boooots!)

I bet you're wondering what I'm dying to have these days, aren't you? I thought so. You'll probably be shocked to find out that the object of my desire is none other than a VACUUM CLEANER. Go ahead ... laugh. Everybody knows I rarely clean anymore. But I've got such a hankering for a Dyson vacuum, I can hardly stand it. Problem is, I have a hunch that I'd buy it, use it a few times ... and the thrill would be gone. Ain't that the way it always goes?

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My birthday was nice ... thank you for the Happy Birthdays. :-) I heard from everyone near and dear to my heart, and Brandy even took me out to dinner. I had crab dip, and flounder stuffed with crab and shrimp. And then I was stuffed. Literally.

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Hope everybody enjoys the upcoming weekend. Do something to pamper yourself ... because you mean the world to me!

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

"It's my birthday too, yeah ..."

I know the date is burned onto your brain, written on all your calendars ... but I just wanted to remind you that tomorrow is my birthday. Yup. 45-freakin' years old. Halfway to 90. How did this happen??? *sob*

Because I've seen others with online journals do the same, I'd like to suggest ways YOU can celebrate my big day. :-)

How To Celebrate Dawn's Birthday(which is tomorrow, so get busy)

1. Promise to de-clutter every room in your house ... tomorrow.

2. Call your pet "Hayley" for the day. Follow your pet around and croon "Hayley-pooooo" until it gets annoyed and runs away with its ears laid back.

3. During a semi-important meeting or phone call say "I don't know. We should ask Dawn what she thinks of that."

4. Wear Birkenstocks.

5. Watch "All My Children", and talk back to the characters. Cry when Erica realizes what a bad mother she's been.

6. Change your computer wallpaper to a picture of me.

7. Call your significant other "Ya freakin' goof" for no particular reason.

8. Postpone cleaning the house for another week.

9. Eat a piece of bakery cake with yummy lard icing.

10. Take a really hot shower ... so hot that you come out all red and wrinkly.

11. Perform a random act of kindness.

12. Out of the blue, tell someone "It's Dawn's birthday today. She's 45, but she doesn't look a day over 24!" (A harmless little birthday lie never hurt a soul.)

Don't you dare forget to leave a comment telling me what you did!

Monday, March 22, 2004

There's somethin' about the southland in the springtime ..."

Well good grief. Two weeks went by without a journal entry here. I honestly don't know why time insists on flying the way it does.

I'm on the "big computer" now, as the laptop acquired some sort of spyware/wormy/virus thing last week. I'm too skeered to use it until it's rebuilt, so I'm back at the desk, using a real keyboard and mouse again.

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Last week was Spring Break at Clemson ... Emilie and I planned a little trip to Charleston. And I'm sooo glad we did. We left on Tuesday and returned on Friday, which was a nice amount of time to see some sights, shop a little, and even walk on the shore of Sullivan's Island. I enjoyed all of it ... but mostly I enjoyed the time with my baby girl. And now I know the secret of how to spook the hell out of Emilie: put on a pair of old-fashioned black granny boots and stand outside the bathroom stall when she's in it. ;-)

Getting around downtown Charleston involves finding a parking garage and then using the feet God gave you. We walked ... a lot. It had to be good for me. Of course, the secret would be to KEEP WALKING now that I'm home again. Uh huh.

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Sunday was the first day of spring. And Sunday night, the wind blew and the temps were in the 20's! But the leaves are peeking out, the jonquils are blooming, and the days are getting longer. I'll be sweatin' in no time.

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Back to work tomorrow. And that's enough said about that.

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Thought For Today:

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly." (Buddha)

Monday, March 08, 2004

"Some people call me Maurice ..."

Well, we had another weekend in South Carolina. Jimmy and Adam set up a working computer at the desk, so I can finally work on the taxes. I don't trust this laptop to keep me online long enough to post this journal entry, much less to file the taxes. So now I have no excuse. This week will be "Tax Week". And after that, "FAFSA Week". Yippee!

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Soon after I got back home today from taking Jimmy to the airport, the noise started. Never a good sign. Seems our across-the-street neighbors finally got tired of their exhausting leaf-disposal routine every fall. And I'll be damned if they didn't have FOUR huge trees in their front yard murdered. Bastards. Walking out to get the mail this afternoon, I noticed their house felt a lot closer to the street ... and it's not as pretty as it was yesterday.

Chainsaws and woodchippers ... that was my excitement for today.

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Outside My House Today:

High: 59

Low: 37

Sunny

Friday, March 05, 2004

"All I know is you're my favorite mistake ..."

I've been sleeping with the bedroom windows open this week ... and I'm here to announce that I will not be sleeping under my new down comforter year-round. HOT. There's not much worse than waking up with a "glow".

The weather should be a little cooler next week, and I'm in the minority of folks who are all for that!

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Got my hair cut today. Much better.

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Jimmy called from the office 2 hours ago to tell me he was on his way home. Uhhhh. Yeah.

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Survivor:

I have to say that I felt sorry for Sue. It was obvious that what happened with Richard really bothered her on a deep level. I felt bad for her ... it looked like real emotional pain.

But I had to laugh when I saw Jeff's face after Sue yelled at him. He was NOT expecting that.

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Friday Five:

What was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?

Mrs. Spiegal, and I remember NOTHING about her. If she's still around, I guess she'd be in her 70's now. Weird. Oh my God, my MOTHER is in her 70's now. I feel way too old.

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?

The only cartoon I actually liked was The Roadrunner ... and Daddy had a lot to do with that. He loved that show, and would usually watch along with us, laughing louder than anyone.

3. ...the name of your very first best friend?

We fought almost as often as we got along, but my first best friend was Sabrina Webb. We still talk on the phone every few years. And I ashamed to say that the reason I don't go to visit her (she lives 2 hours away) is that I don't want her to see how fat I've become.

4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?

Quisp! I don't remember eating a lot of cereal before 1972 or so ... before that, we ate a lot of oatmeal.

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?

We'd always have to change to "play clothes" after school ... what we did after that, I have no idea. Play? When I was a little older, I used to CRAVE the time when I could lay on my stomach across my bed and read. Yeah, I was a wild child.

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Outside My House Today:

High: 71

Low: 61

Cloudy

Thursday, March 04, 2004

"Where have all the cowboys gone? ..."

Lately it's a really big effort to get groceries bought around here. When it's just me at home, I can scrimp by on what's been in the pantry and freezer for years. But every other weekend, the man comes home ... and I try to cook something fresh. That's just the way I am. Anyway, I am just so very tired of the whole grocery store experience. 25 years ago, when I first got married, I shopped once a week, like clockwork. With my $30 per week budget, I made a list and stuck to it. Even when the kids were home, I was pretty regular about it. Although the budget was a bit (ahem) higher.

So I said all that to say this: When I finally do drag my fat ass out to BiLo to shop for food and supplies, it pisses me OFF to find out they don't carry canned Iams cat food. That means I have to make a special trip to Publix later. And no, the crazy cat won't eat Whiskas.

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Speaking of the cat, this morning I caught her in her newest warped behavior. After biting off a huge chunk of canned food (Iams, you know), she ran with it into the den, where she dropped it on the CARPET and proceeded to nibble daintily. After I yelled "CAT!" and grabbed it from her, and told her in no uncertain terms, that her nasty smellin' cat food belongs in her dish ... she did it again. Only this time she ran upstairs with it. Apparently the atmosphere in the breakfast room is just all wrong. Damn cat.

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Survivor night! I can't wait to see Sue scream and yell at Jeff Probst. I hope Jeff can calm her down though ... she's quite scary.

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Hoping to see at least one of my kids this weekend ... BOTH would be better. :-)

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Outside My House Today:

High: 76

Low: 54

Mostly cloudy

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

"Can you hear the drums, Fernando? ..."

Oh yeah, I'm hating me some LiveJournal right now. I typed a whole entry offline ... and OH! It was funny stuff. (It was!) So you probably already guessed the rest.

I signed online, clicked the "update journal" button.

*poof*

Grrr. GONE.

And yeah, usually I "copy" it when I finish, just in case. I remembered that I hadn't done it today the same split second that the "error" page appeared.

And now I don't feel like telling it all over again. Bah.

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Brief recap:

Cleaned the upstairs.

Gonna clean the downstairs.

Called the phone company about the damn static-filled phone line.

Paid bills.

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GRRRRR again.

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Outside My House Today:

High: 71

Low: 54

Mostly sunny

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

"I'm alright, don't nobody worry 'bout me ..."

Today was a workday for me. (1 or 2 out of every 7 seems to be my routine ... don't hate me, I'm not making any money like this!) I arrived at "Miss Daisy's" house and was met by her creepy daughter, who informed me that, from now on, "Miss Daisy" wouldn't be joining us on our days out. (Sigh.) The daughter is a cheerless, grumpy soul, and I was sad to hear that I won't get to hear her Mom's stories any more. Also that's the end of eating lunch out, since the daughter never mentioned a lunch break ... we started at 10 AM, and I dropped her off when it was almost 6 PM. So now I have the "hunger headache" that I always get when I skip a meal. Not that my ass can't take a few skipped meals. I just always get a headache that won't go away until I sleep.

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Tonight's Entertainment:
American Idol
Real World

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Outside My House Today:
High: 68
Low: 55
Light rain

Thursday, February 26, 2004

"No shirt, no shoes, no problem ..."

Yeah, it's snowing. I guess it started about 7 AM, but then it stopped midday, and the roads all got a lot better. But now it's coming down again. I measured 4 inches on my deck just now, and it's coming down sideways, the winds are so strong. I always wish my Mom could be around when it snows ... she gets so excited about how pretty it is. And it is pretty when it's falling. The road in front of my house is white again, my driveway too ... so you know I won't be going out tonight. (Said as if I go out a lot anyway. Ha.)

I missed a haircut appointment due to the snow today. Have to wait another week. Drat.

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Emilie called me last night as she was leaving a concert on campus ... she said she heard sirens and saw smoke. Then the whole thing was right in front of her ... a 3-story student apartment building right across the street from campus burned to the ground. She said it was a most incredible and shocking sight ... the flames so high in the sky, they were visible for quite a distance. Two hours later, the firefighters were still working ... the high winds last night made the fire so much worse.

Today, over 100 students have lost everything. One girl on the news said, "I didn't lose a lot, because I didn't have much. Just pictures. My pictures. But I did get my stuffed animal when I left." Oh gosh, that makes me cry. Thankfully NOT ONE student was even hurt.

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The Bachelorette:Why, oh why, did Meredith tell Matthew that she would "be honored" to get a ring from him? Man, that made me so mad when she ended up choosing Ian instead. Matthew stayed so classy, even with his huge disappointment ... I hope he's got girls lining up for him back in Texas. I think she picked the wrong guy. But then again, she never called me to ask what I thought.

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Whoooie, the snow is really flying out there. Let me go look out my window and pretend I live on the coast of Maine. See ya.

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Outside My House Today:

High: 44 (at midnight)

Low: 29

Snow!

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

"I can say anything crazy ..."

The snow is coming! The snow is coming!

Here I sit with no milk in the fridge, and only half a loaf of bread. And I call myself a Southerner.

"They" say we'll have 3 to 6 inches by the end of the day tomorrow. And "they" sound pretty positive. But as always, wait and see ... this year "they"'re about 0 for 4 in predicting winter weather madness.

(I would like to take this moment to remind my loved ones to use the good sense God gave you, and stay off the roads if you can.)

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Serious question: What the HELL is that Quizno's ad with the floating rodents with birth defects all about? Is that supposed to make me want to run out and buy a sub sandwich? Because all it really does is cause a slight gag reflex, and then I have to change the channel! I swear ... they are absolutely haunting, and I totally don't understand the advertising brains behind it. Hell Hamsters singing, "We love the subs! 'Cuz they are good to us. The Quiznos subs. They are tasty, they are crunchy, they are warm because they toast them. They got a pepper bar!" ... Oh yeah mmmm, I'm starvin'!

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OK, I guess that's it for today. (Yawn.) I have to go and set my VCR ... The Bachelorette is 2 hours tonight and will run right over The Newlyweds at 10:00. I have to tape one or the other, you know.

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Outside My House Today:

High: 50

Low: 42

Cloudy

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

"I wish the real world would just stop hasslin' me ..."

Today I didn't stay online all day researching cruise stuff. Nay. Instead I stayed online all day researching hotels for the night before the cruise leaves.

The big confusion for my brain is this: some of the nicer hotels in the area offer "cruise packages", meaning basically that they allow you to park your car at their place and they will provide a shuttle to and from the pier. And that means we could save the $70 charge for parking at the pier. My "research" is proving that only the more costly hotels offer this service for "free" ... the cheaper places offer shuttles to the pier for a fee.

BUT ... I did find a Comfort Inn and Suites that have a cruise package for less than $100 a room ($89.95 to be precise). They are 2 miles from the pier, while the closest hotel offering a free shuttle costs $119 a night. Anyway, now I'm trying to decide. I'm assuming it's safe to leave your car in a hotel parking lot for 7 nights.

Decisions, decisions. And I haven't even STARTED thinking about clothes yet. Oy.

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I was a bit disappointed in the Big Fat Obnoxious ending. What a line of crap came out of Steve's mouth at the end! How the Coys demonstrated "what family is all about" ... loyalty and togetherness and acceptance and blahdeblah. Because I sure didn't see that. I saw 2 brothers and a sister who were way too involved. I know I threw a few temper fits when my sister married her brain-damaged second husband and all ... and yeah, I was doing vodka shots at 10 AM on the day of her wedding, just to get through the ceremony ... but WHY would they give that much of a damn who their sister marries? It's not like they were going to all live together.

Now parents ... that's different. Parents have expectations and protective instincts and such. So I completely understood the parents' solemn faces. But when they showed Randi's brother CRYING at the wedding because he didn't want it to happen, well it just plain made me shiver. I know for a fact that Adam would never try to stop Emilie's wedding plans ... even if she married an 84-year-old man just for the money. He might privately say to me, "What the hell?" ... but he'd never threaten to not attend the wedding in protest. Because adult siblings just don't have a say in what happens in each others' lives. Period.

Whooboy, I'm gonna miss those Coys.

And no ... I'm not watching Fox's newest wedding reality crap with the "little person". Frankly, midgets give me the creeps. As in nightmares. *shiver*

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Outside My House Today:

High: 57

Low: 44

Cloudy

Monday, February 23, 2004

"It's something unpredictable ..."

Geeeez. The time spent away from here just flies. I'll try to be better about coming here to write about nothing. Promise.

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So little is happening in my tiny world. Even my thought processes have slowed. Zzzzz.

I spent 98% of my waking hours online today, reading and reading about cruising. We paid a buttload of money to Carnival Cruiseline to show me and Jimmy, Emilie, and Ms. Beth a great time in late May. The more I read about it, the more impatient I am for late May to hurry up and get here.

In case anyone cruising with me (or anyone else I love who's cruising in May *wink*) wants to read and learn more, here are a few good websites to peruse at your leisure:

http://www.cruisemates.com/
http://www.cruisediva.com/
http://www.cruiseclues.com/

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Time for the last episode of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance". I must watch.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 51
Low: 35
Cloudy

Thursday, January 15, 2004

"How's the world treating you? ..."

Oh, hi. You still here?

Sorry it's been so long. I was thinking I could make a bunch of excuses, like how I've been busy with doing laundry or organizing my CD's or updating Quicken or sitting on my ass watching the new TV. You want more excuses? I've got dozens.But truthfully, the reason I'm not updating regularly is that I'm still barely surfacing. Depression keeps tripping me up lately, always does that in the winter months. For 40 plus years, the gameplan has been "Fake It Until It Feels Better" ... so I guess that's what I'm trying to do.

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So yeah, I decided to throw a whole bunch of Christmas money at this guy who works at Tweeter, and then he helped Adam and Jimmy load a huge TV on the back of Jimmy's truck. Of course they had to go back and get another one, because I changed my mind about the one I wanted on the way home from the store. But really all that matters is ... now I can sit out at my mailbox and watch TV. No kidding. This thing is humongous. Bad part is, I'm used to it already ... and the TV in my bedroom (29-inch screen) seems too tiny to watch. (Spoiled, I think they call it.)Jimmy shopped around for a home theater system to go with the new TV, and bought this supersonic Sony thing ... only decided he didn't like the way the DVD's and CD's load into it. So he'll be returning that for another one next time he's home. I haven't used the DVD player/stereo system part of it at all -- I'm stuck watching CMT ... MTV ... All My Children ... Driven: Jessica Simpson ... The Bachelorette -- you name it, I'm watching it. And now I can actually read football and basketball scores. :-)

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Adam's truck died. We think it'll be raised from the dead for the right price though. Meanwhile, he's tooling around Clemson in my car. I told you having a one-day-a-week job made sense. Heh.

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Supposed to be a rainy, cold weekend around here. At least we're above zero. I'm feeling for all those Northeasterners. 8 below in Boston tonight. Now that's cooler than being cool. ICE COLD! (Ahem.) Speaking of the weekend, Nick and Jessica will be hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend ... FYI. I watch way too much TV, I guess. Oh well, it's better than staring at my fingernails.

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I have just about finished putting all our CD's in notebooks. It feels great to get them all together in one place, and out of all the various racks in one room or another. Current count: just under 600. Including Milli Vanilli. Girl, you know it's true!

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The Voice Within

Young girl, don't cry

I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

Young girl, it's all right

Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream

Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems

No one ever wants or bothers to explain

Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else

Look inside yourself

Like your oldest friend

Just trust the voice within

Then you'll find the strength

That will guide your way

If you will learn to begin

To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide

You'll never change if you just run away

Young girl, just hold tight

And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed

It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid

No one reaches out a hand for you to hold

When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else

Look inside yourself

Like your oldest friend

Just trust the voice within

Then you'll find the strength

That will guide your way

If you will learn to begin

To trust the voice within

Yeah...Life is a journey

It can take you anywhere you choose to go

As long as you're learning

You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it

You'll make it

Just don't go forsaking yourself

No one can stop you

You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else

Look inside yourself

Like your oldest friend

Just trust the voice within

Then you'll find the strength

That will guide your way

If you will learn to begin

To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry

I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

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Thought For Today:

"Life must be lived forward, but it can only be understood backward."

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Outside My House Today:

High: 53

Low: 45

Sunny and windy

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

"Lately there's been too much of this ..."

Brr.

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Last night I talked to my friend Sharon. She's out of a job again. I could hardly believe my ears when she told me that she'd been "let go" by that freakin' B1g L0ts. Also, she told me that the manager had resigned, and they had fired about 20 people. So there. I don't feel as guilty for quitting that one. I really liked the manager ... hope he's found something else to do. Sharon hasn't. She's in bad shape. She might come over later to use the computer here to do some searching and applying online.

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"The Real World - San Diego" started last night (don't smirk at me, YES I watch too much TV) and I was surprised to see a pretty young priss from Anderson, SC is one of the seven roomies. She's a student at Tri-County Technical College, where my very own firstborn was enrolled for one semester several years ago. Anyhoo, I was totally getting into the whole drama of their first few days in the (as usual) gorgeous house on the water. A few of them drank themselves silly on the first night ... anyway, I was dismayed to hear our hometown girl (Cameryn, or something like that) go into detail about she "doesn't like YANKEES". And she ain't talking about the baseball team. Later on in the show, I said "Whoo hoooo!" when she appeared wearing a Clemson t-shirt ... and then I yelled "nooooooo!" when she bluntly tells everyone that she brought her vibrator with her to the house. Oh yeah! Make your Mama proud, girl.

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Speaking of Clemson, I don't believe I have given mention of the Tigers' BRILLIANT performance in the Peach Bowl on January 2nd. It was soooo fun to watch as they won 27 - 14 over Tennessee. And if the refs had been doing their job, they never would have called back one of Clemson's touchdowns, and the score would have been even higher! It was a perfect ending to an incredible season ... and I can't wait until August!

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Hope the first day of classes went smoothly for my kids ... I was thinking about you today!

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Thought For Today:"The good, the bad, hardship, joy, tragedy, love, and happiness are all interwoven into one indescribable whole that one calls life. You cannot separate the good from the bad, and perhaps there is no need to do so." (Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis)

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Outside My House Today:
High: 39
Low: 19
Partly cloudy

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

2003 in Q&A

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?

Passed a state board exam; quit 3 different jobs; got highlights in my hair; came ->this close<- to giving up or having a nervous breakdown, whatever you want to call it.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

The only resolution I made last year was about money. I wanted to be in less debt at the end of the year. And no thanks to me, I think we are. Yeah, I've made some more for this year ... they're at the bottom of this entry.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No. But the death of a co-worker's daughter hit my husband and me like a ton of bricks.

5. What countries did you visit?

Give me a break, I haven't left the southeast.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

More money; serenity; weight loss.

7. What date(s) from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I can't think of any.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Not many achievements for me lately, so I'll just say it was making it through that silly CNA course I took. I had so little confidence in myself ... just the fact that I stayed with it until the end was a miracle.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Realizing that I was probably never going to work as a CNA, and that I had wasted all the money spent on that course was 2003's big failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No injury, and only one bout with the fever/sore throat bug last January and one bladder infection in November. Not bad!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I didn't actually buy it ... my mother paid for it. But we have a new dining room table with 6 chairs. Nice. Maybe the best thing I bought was Jane Iredale mineral face powder. It costs a fortune, but it doesn't irritate my rosacea.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?Well it certainly wasn't MINE.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My husband's. He is unable (unwilling?) to understand Emilie's illness, and my depression confounds him as well. My mother's quickness to criticize others was pretty appalling too.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Most of our money goes to the "Kids" category, since we're paying rent and most living expenses for them. The next big chunk goes to our house payment. We also were able to put a sizable amount into savings this year. Yay, us.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My trip to visit Laura and Melody last January was a high spot, and tailgating always makes me smile.

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?

Probably the Outkast song "Hey Ya", since it never failed to make me smile when I heard it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter

iii. richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Exercising.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worrying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At home with the kids and Jimmy, Brandy, my mother and Kay, Josh and Beth.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?

Oh no.

23. How many one-night stands?

Ha!

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Survivor, always Survivor

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No, I don't have much hate in me anymore.

26. What was the best book you read?

I didn't read anything memorable in 2003.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Can't think of any ... oh wait, maybe my huge crush on Justin Timberlake will count for this question. "I don't know what I'm thinkin' 'bout, leavin' here wit chu ..."

28. What did you want and get?

A dining room table? (weird question)

29. What did you want and not get?

Hardwood floors; new living room furniture; new bed? (same weirdness)

30. What was your favorite film of 2003?

I didn't see many, but I loved "Mona Lisa Smile"(that's probably considered a 2004 film) and "The Life of David Gale".

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

44 years old. And I don't remember my birthday very well at all.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Losing 100 pounds

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?

Comfort. Period. I don't own enough pajamas.

34. What kept you sane?My kids.35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I have to choose? Justin Timberlake ... Jessica and Nick ... Dave Matthews ... Josh Groban ... Rupert ... !

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The war.

37. Who did you miss?

Adam and Emilie.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Sharon ... she teaches me about perseverance through difficult times.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.

I can bear a lot more than I thought. And the support and encouragement I give to my daughter plays a huge role in her ability to cope with her illness.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"It's hanging on when your heart has had enoughIt's giving more when you feel like giving upI've seen the lightIt's in my daughter's eyes"(Martina McBride sings this beautiful song.)

My New Year Resolutions:

Spend some time outside every day. Read every day. Continue shrinking the credit card debt. Take a walk 3 or 4 times a week. Keep my house in order.

**********

Outside My House Today:

High: 48

Low: 34

Partly cloudy and windy

Thursday, January 01, 2004

"We'll drink a cup of kindness ..."

"Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past." (Henry Ward Beecher)

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

"Deck us all with Boston Charlie ..."

Hey! Remember me?

Three weeks since I updated here. Hardly even checked my e-mail, so much was going on. There's probably no way I can give a decent recap, so I won't even try. I'll just pick up from here and move on. Fresh starts and all that.

I will tell you this: The last month was THE most stressful month in my almost-45 years. It was impossible to pretend that things were alright, so you have to feel sorry for my holiday houseguests. My Christmas wish was that things would never be that bad ever again.

It was so very good to see my family, but at the same time I was worried about how they must be feeling so uncomfortable with all the stress in the house.

My Christmas gifts (in no particular order):
*down comforter and duvet from my mom
*Nautica cologne, "About Schmidt" dvd, and "Adaptation" dvd from Laura and Melody
*Cup o' drug rep pens, a pretty candle, and a candle holder from Kay
*A framed senior picture of Beth from Beth and Kay
*3 pretty wineglasses (for the 3 Sisters!) and a small winerack from Josh
*Pretty candle holder with good-smelling tealights from Beth*Elton John cd (all his hits!), a dvd set with 3 classic musicals: "Gigi", "An American In Paris" and "My Fair Lady", and pretty coasters from Adam and Brandy
*Blue drinking glasses, a sweet card, and a beautiful framed picture of herself from Emilie
*A big ole box o' money from Jimmy (I have no idea what to spend it on ... leave your suggestion in the "Comments", if you please.)

----------

Today is my 25th wedding anniversary. That's right. 25 years ago this afternoon ... I was skinny. Waaaaaa!

There will be no celebration ... Jimmy is in Puerto Rico.

However, I will be spending an hour or so this afternoon at a family counseling session. Emilie has been getting some intensive therapy through a "partial hospitalization" over her Christmas break. And today is the day that I get to go in and try really hard not to sob loudly and embarrass the hell out of her.

How I pray that she will find some help and some healing through this program she's in.

----------

So that's about it. I'm extremely happy to see 2003 out the back door. What a bitch she was.

If you go out tonight, be so very careful of the drunk people careening down the roads, will you?

Happy New Year to you and yours. God bless us, everyone.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 58
Low: 28
Sunny

Sunday, December 14, 2003

"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch ..."

Short hello for this drippy, cold Thursday ...

Today was my yearly check-up ... the doctor very wisely pronounced me "just fine". So there.

Mother and I shopped all afternoon ... 'twas freezing out there but it added to the Christmas feeling.

Also, in case you were wondering ... the job on Tuesday went well! The lady is from New England, and quite the character. I drove her to her lawyer's office so that she could cut her son out of her will (ha!), she treated me to lunch at a Chinese restaurant, we visited the mall, and she did a bit of grocery shopping, and at 5:30 PM I dropped her off at her home. She talked almost constantly, so there was little for me to do except drive the car and listen. I'll go back on Tuesday ... I think she has a salon appointment for a perm. Whoo hoo!

Sleepy already. Please take good care of yourselves. :-)

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Outside My House Today:

High: 35

Low: 31

Icy, rainy, and quite miserably cold!

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

"You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel ..."

Trip on, trip off. Trip on, trip off. (sigh)

Emilie and I were lured into looking forward to a trip to Puerto Rico after Christmas, and then the Off And On Game began. Jimmy's boss encouraged everyone to have their families join them for part of the holidays, since they will be working so hard they will only be home for a few days. So the planning began. Only flights are hard to come by at this time of year, and timing is everything. I thought that he had given up, and decided we'd just do a trip somewhere fun at a later time ... but tonight he tells me that he's still trying to get us down there for a week.Trip off, trip on!I had already decided that, if the trip was off, Emilie and I would take off on a road trip to Charleston ... maybe Savannah ... and surrounding areas and do some exploring together. Might be even more fun to do that.

----------

(The dash key is working again.)

----------

The heater repair guy came to see us today, since the heater blower got noticeably louder yesterday. He videotaped what he found in the basement ... MOLD ... all over the outside of the unit, plus almost totally clogging the air duct thing. It was horrible. $500 horrible for him to clean the damn thing. And that's only a temporary fix. We'll have to get a new heat pump/air conditioner in the spring ... as well as put down a total moisture barrier in the basement. To the tune of $7,000. Merry Christmas!

Oh, and after all that, the blower is still louder. He said the mold growth probably warped the fan blade, and that's why it sounds louder now. Yeah.

----------

I went out shopping today ... alone! Yay!

----------

Cooked a nice dinner for Mother and me tonight ... only she feels a little "blah". (sigh, again) I'll be working most of the day tomorrow, so her mood might even be "blah-er" by tomorrow night. Have a holly jolly Christmas!

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And she needs a hearing aid. :-(

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Outside My House Today:
High: 58
Low: 42
Rain, rain, rain

Monday, December 08, 2003

"You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch ..."

Another day of running around town for me and my Mom. We ate lunch out at Fuddruckers, and accomplished quite a lot. Yay, us.

Next project is figuring out how to install the printer on a working computer so that I can print out my little Christmas letter to include with the cards I'm sending. Wish me luck.

Praying that Amazon.com will actually come through for me and send everything before Christmas Eve. I ordered it all on November 30th, and I swear I can't understand why they can't get it all here within a couple of weeks. Grrr.

I hope everybody is doing alright ... and that Clemson exams are going well! :)

(My "dash" key has stopped working!)

Outside My House Today:
High: 56
Low: 27
Sunny

Saturday, December 06, 2003

"You really are a heel ..."

We are officially decorated for Christmas at the castle. Today Mother and I pulled out the rest of the boxes of Christmas crap and threw it around everywhere, we hung the wreath, and put the icicle lights out on the deck. We still have a good deal of mess laying around ... hopefully we'll find a place for everything before Christmas day.

I did a lot of wrapping yesterday ... no bows yet, but wrapped. I'm still waiting on several orders to arrive.

Brandy's coming by later to watch the Clemson/USC basketball game with us ... I'm thinking that dinner will be pizza delivery. Easy.

The candles I bought at Pier One smell WONDERFUL!

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Outside My House Today:
High: 45
Low: 31
Sunny and windy

Monday, December 01, 2003

"I'm just bein' honest ..."

OK, that's the last reference I'll make to the ever-popular "Hey Ya" song. Sadly, it's getting old to me.

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Dayummmm, I was gone a long time! And nobody even missed me. Oh well.Let's see ... when we last visited, the Clemson - USC game was about to be played. Happy ...no, THRILLED!... to report that Clemson ate gamecock for dinner that Saturday night. Clemson - 63USC - 17Oh yeah. That's SIXTY three points. I'm figgering it was a disgruntled gamecock fan that STOLE my tiger paw mailbox flag after the game. Grrr. Anyway, Clemson is headed to the Peach Bowl in Atlanta on January 2nd. And I think that's GREAT!

----------

Hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving. Ours was ... small. We had good food, and we all took a nap in the afternoon though. (Well, everybody except my Mom.)We were among the insane who went shopping on the day after. Wasn't too bad. I got my last paycheck from the closeout place. And spent half of it in there. Heh.

----------

Speaking of jobs, I'm "working" again. I got a call today from C0mf0rt K33pers ... they offered me a client who wants someone to drive her to do errands and out to lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'll start tomorrow, so hopefully things will go well.

----------

Thanks to the kids, the tree is up already. Mother and I have decided to wait until the weekend to finish the house decorations. We shopped today, and combined with what I did online yesterday, I'm well on my way to being finished. Of course, Amazon's delivery may screw up everything. I figure we have the next 2 weeks to shop, then Emilie will be home and having her wisdom teeth removed. (Awww!) That 3rd week of December, we'll stay close to home and get the baking and candy-making done. Ta-dah! Sounds like a plan.

----------

Well, that's all I've got, considering I'm so far behind in updating here ... I'll be back soon, I promise.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 69
Low: 36
Sunny

Friday, November 21, 2003

"Swing swing swing from the tangles of my heart ..."

Oh my God! They killed Rupert! You bastards!

I miss him already. At first, I loved him because he reminded me of Hagrid, or Bluto ... "Arrr!" Later on, I loved his incredible ego trip. He was simply the most entertaining Survivor ever. But I was disappointed by his self-pitying final words. I was hoping he would go out with dignity; or if not, that he would crush Jon's head between his beefy, pirate hands after his torch was snuffed. Hopefully he'll reappear on the next Survivor with the rest of the "all stars".

Speaking of Jon ... oh, how I long to smack his crooked teeth right out of his smirking mouth. I hate his stupid wrestling sayings and his lazy, sneaky ways. The sight of his idiot smile when Rupert was voted out caused steam from my ears. Gahhhh! I can't stand him.

AND ... that snake and lizard scene went on FAR too long. It almost made me cry. I was fully expecting to dream about it last night. *shiver*

-----------

So I didn't dream about the snake eating the still-alive lizard. Instead I tossed and turned while visions of Michael Jackson's mugshot danced in my head. Nooooooooo!

-----------

Friday Five

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
1. Have a warm family Christmas with everyone feeling contented and happy to be together
2. Lose 20 pounds (chuh-right)
3. Organize the home videos
4. Stress-free Christmas shopping
5. Strip and re-paint the front door (before the Christmas decorations go up!)

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.
1. Leslie White (Adams) (We're "semi" in touch, but I wish it could be like it used to be.)
2. Sheridan Foreman
3. Marie Cope
4. Trina Smith
5. Linda Fehl

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
1. Knit
2. Quilt
3. Play the piano
4. Lay tile
5. Swim

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
1. Pay off all the bills and student loans
2. Build an incredible lakefront house on a huge piece of land
3. Build houses on the same land for the whole family (to live in full-time or to use as vacation places ... their choice)
4. Start a computer/drum/counseling/animal rescue/washer repair business, so that my husband and kids could do what they want to all day long
5. Hire a maid! ;-)

5. List five things you do that help you relax.
1. Watch TV
2. Read
3. Listen to Pachelbel's Canon in D or Josh Groban or Sarah McLachlan or Andrea Bocelli or Allison Kraus or Natalie Merchant or Diana Krall or or or
4. Take a shower
5. Call one of my sisters

-----------

Heading off in the morning, destination: Atlanta, to meet Laura and Melody. They are bringing my Mother with them, and I'll bring her home with me for the holidays. :-) She keeps me motivated.

-----------

The 101st game between Clemson and the University of South Carolina Damncocks happens in Columbia tomorrow night; 7:00 PM; ESPN2. Be there, or be left out entirely. GO TIGERS!

-----------

Oh yeah, I'm no longer an overworked, underpaid B1g L0ts employee. I guess you never really thought that one would last either, did you?

Please do not use me as your role model for "work ethic", OK? Thanks.

-----------

Enjoy your weekend ... and if you're in the neighborhood Saturday night, come cheer for the Tigers with me and my Mama!

-----------

A die-hard USC fan and a die-hard Clemson fan are waiting to be executed. The executioner asks the Gamecock fan for his last request.

"Hmmm", he says, then requests to hear the USC fight song one more time.

"OK", says the executioner and turns to the Clemson fan and asks the same question: "What is your last request?"

Without hesitation the Clemson fan says, "Shoot me first!"

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Outside My House Today:
High: 72
Low: 42
Sunny

-----------

Thought For Today:
"I cheer for TWO teams : Clemson ... & whoever's playin' USC."

-----------

Had to come back here this afternoon and add the joke Adam sent me in e-mail today! ...

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon, a Clemson fan, a South Carolina fan, a Tennessee fan and a Georgia fan.
They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die hard" fan.

Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Tennessee fan proclaimed to the other three "This is for the Volunteers!" and promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice screaming "Rocky Top" as he fell to his death.

Not to be out done by the Tennessee fan, the Georgia fan jumped up and shouted "This is for the DAWGS" and threw himself off the mountain barking "Woof...woof, woof, woof, woof!" as he crashed on the rocks below.

Refusing to be out done by the Tennessee and Georgia fans, the Clemson fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs "This is for the CLEMSON TIGERS!" and without any hesitation, pushed the South Carolina fan off the mountain shouting "Fly now, Gamecock!"

Ha!

I just got back from the grocery store. I bought Corona Light and limes for tomorrow evening's bratwurst dinner. Planned to buy the DVD about the rivalry between Clemson and USC, but it was sold out at that particular store. Wondering now whether it might be worth checking out a few more stores.

First I have to make "Clemson Caviar" so it can sit in the fridge overnight before we eat it with our Fritos tomorrow. ;-)

Bye!

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

"It's my life, don't you forget ..."

Well. I worked today with a sore arm and numb fingers. They called us all together at lunchtime to make a "We're In The Home Stretch" speech. We were told that, starting tomorrow, we would be working 12-hour shifts ... including Saturday, possibly Sunday. Anyone who has a problem with the schedule should "hit the door". Cashier training will be Monday and Tuesday of next week, for 8 hours a day. Then we're expected to put in 4 hours at the new store. Grand Opening is set for the day before Thanksgiving.

I have to say that "discouraged" is putting it mildly. I know how I feel after 10 hours on my feet, and it makes me cry like a baby to imagine 12 hours. All afternoon, my head was full of all kinds of thoughts and ideas. And I honestly don't know what the hell. :-(

I'm so damn tired of dealing with the inability to make money AND keep a semi-happy mindset at the same time. There must be something wrong with me.

Of course, most of the people I work with are thrilled at the idea of 12-hour-days ... they work to pay their rent and buy cigarettes. At $6.50 an hour, it just feels like insanity to me. Why am I knocking myself out for a chance to work for this crappy company?

Maybe the company I worked with before B1g L0ts will find me another old person to take care of. They still consider me an employee ... I told them I was unavailable to work through the holidays. Don't know why I did that ... I guess just in case this job sucked really bad. Anyway, all it would take is a phone call and they'd put me back active. I can't even tell you how much I hate all of this.

Ahhh ... cry me a river, right?

-----------

Q: Why do USC alumni keep their diplomas on their dash boards?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spaces.

Q: How do you keep a a Gamecock busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

A drunk stood on a table at a noisy bar.
"Listen up, y'all," he shouted. "I want to tell a Carolina joke." Immediately, a man -- a big man, a 6-foot-5, 270-pound man -- got to his feet.
"Buddy, let me warn you", he told the drunk. "I played football at Carolina."
"No problem", said the drunk. "I plan to tell it real slow."

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Outside My House Today:
High: 69
Low: 57
Rainy and windy

------------

Thought For Today:
"You might be a Gamecock if:
Your elective foreign language in college was English."

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

"So why you, why you, why you, why you, why you ..."

As completely exhausted as I am tonight ... and I am, completely exhausted ... I can't help but perk up a bit when I hear that "Hey Ya" song, which I love so much that I ... must ... shake it like a Polaroid pic-cha! SHAKE IT! SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE IT! Ahem.

Oh Lord, my kids are both rolling their eyes as they read that. Heh.

-----------

I hurt myself at work today ... my elbow bent the wrong way when I was trying to lift something far too heavy, far too high. Duh. Nobody cared much. But it made me cry ... more out of being too tired than anything else. And I was really trying hard NOT to cry at work. I stayed an hour and a half longer than I said I was. Duh again. THAT won't be happening tomorrow. 8 hours, maybe 8-and-a-half ... then I'm out of there.

I'm thinking that if the cashier training doesn't happen soon, I won't be able to hang in there. This physical crap is killing me. :-(

----------

Already getting fired up for this weekend's game between Clemson and University of South Carolina. In preparation, I think I'll share a few jokes that Adam sent to me in e-mail.

Q: What do you have if three Gamecocks are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What does an average Gamecock football player get on his SATs?
A: Drool.

Q. What do you call a Gamecock in a 3 piece suit?
A. The defendant.

Q: How many USC freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None - it's a sophomore course.

Haha ... more tomorrow. :-)

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Outside My House Today:
High: 73
Low: 56
Cloudy

------------

Thought For Today:
"You might be a Gamecock if:
Your Gamecock vanity plates were made by your ex-roommate."

Monday, November 17, 2003

"Where are you going, with your long face pulling down? ..."

I was on my feet for 10 hours today. I can't even express how glad I will be when the store finally opens. The gave us the option of leaving after 10 hours, or staying for 12 hours ... you know I was out the door lickety split.

My friend, the banker lady, was offered a promotion today. I was really happy for her. She'll be a "Customer Service Specialist", and hopefully she'll get a raise too. But that means that we won't be working together anymore until after the store opens. :-(

-----------

Jimmy is safe and sound in Puerto Rico, after a very fast pitstop at home this weekend.

-----------

Lawd, I'm tired. Hope you're all doing well ... keep in touch!

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Outside My House Today:
High: 68
Low: 60
Gray and misty

------------

Thought For Today:
"From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." (Sir Winston Churchill)

Saturday, November 15, 2003

"Let's rewrite an ending that fits ..."

7 AM - Woke up,in spite of intentions to "sleep in"

9 AM - Called my mother, made plans to bring her here for Thanksgiving ... probably will drive down to get her a week from today

11 AM - Called Kay, griped at her about not letting me know they weren't coming here for Thanksgiving ... will miss her and the kids very much

Noonish - Started cleaning bathrooms

1 PM - Listened to the Clemson/Duke game on the radio ... final score: Clemson - 40, Duke - 7 ...oh yeah

3 PM - The cleaning goes on and on ... clean sheets, clean floors, clean toilets

5 PM - Talked to Laura on the phone ... crossing my fingers she gets her promotion next week

6 PM - Surprise visit by Emilie and Judd ... they were in town shopping, and caught me in all my cleaning crud ...didn't care because I was so happy to see her :-)

Now it's time for a quick shower before picking Jimmy up from the airport at 8. He's heading out tomorrow afternoon for Puerto Rico.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 60
Low: 43
Cloudy

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Thought For Today:
"Indecision is my only flaw, I think ..."

Friday, November 14, 2003

"What would you say? ..."

Ahhhh ... Two days ahead of me to recover from The Week That Was. And to prepare for The Week To Come. They warned us today to plan on at least 10-hour-days next week.

I think one of the things I will "do for myself" with my paycheck is to have a manicure after the store finally opens. My nails have never looked so bad.

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Friday Five

1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space. Quiet

2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer. Reasonable, Funny

3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime. Relaxing, Lazy, Stress-reducing

4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day. Achey, Dirty, Busy, Underpaid

5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life. Fulfilled, Happy, Healthy, Funny, Long

----------

"Survivor" ... I hope Rupert can continue to win immunity since they're already gunning for him. And shame on Darrah and Tijuana for voting against Ryan.

----------

Clemson plays Duke tomorrow in Death Valley ... as far as I can tell, there is no TV coverage. Another afternoon in front of the radio for me. Adam and Brandy are going to the game, haven't heard if Emilie plans to or not.

Go Tigers!

----------

Time to start the relaxing ... I'll check in tomorrow to let you know how it's going. :-)

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Outside My House Today:
High: 59
Low: 37 ("Freeze Warning", my butt)
Sunny

-----------

Thought For Today:
"TGIF!"

Thursday, November 13, 2003

"Mine is not the first heart broken, my eyes are not the first to cry ..."

Better today, thanks.

I think I tried really hard to pace myself so that I wouldn't be out of steam by 1 PM. And being encouraged by my daughter didn't hurt either. :-) (Thanks, Emilie.)

There was still plenty of moving things around ... today it was millions of glittery Christmas ornaments. The managers just couldn't make up their little minds where they wanted them. Grrr.

Oh yeah, tomorrow's Friday. That always helps.

----------

Adam came by for a quick moment this evening to pick up his bongos, on his way to a friend's house to rehearse with the same friend's band. He couldn't help but comment on the mountain of leaves one must plow through to get to our front door. It's pretty funny. If I leave them until Jimmy gets home again, they'll be waist-deep.

Anyway, was nice to hug my kid. As always. :-)

----------

How 'bout this weather? I think our neighbor's tree was blown down today ... when I came home from work, it was lying across the road. I'm assuming they didn't cut it down and let it fall that way. Just glad it wasn't one of ours.

----------

"Survivor" tonight ... hoping it's Jon the Weasel's night to go. Sad to think that, sooner or later, we'll be watching Rupert's torch go out.

----------

I think that's about all I've got for today. Sleep tight.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 68 (around 4 AM)
Low: 45 (right now)
B-b-b-blustery! ... with a freeze warning for tonight

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Thought For Today:
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

"She works hard for the money ..."

You came to the right place if you're in the mood to listen to some complaining.

I'm tired. No, really ... so very tired. The heavy shelves, the boxes that eat my cuticles, the rugs that weigh more than I do ... oh, and I almost forgot the walking. The never-ending walking. We put things on the shelves, only to be told an hour later that the shelves are 3 inches too high and everything needs to be redone. We unload trucks and price every single piece of merchandise at breakneck speed, only to be told that we need to be faster. We're told we can go home "when the work is done". It's all completely demoralizing.

It seems that everyone there is feeling quite discouraged and worked to death. I feel so sorry for the tiny lady that hangs out with me ... her 53rd birthday is Friday, and due to a divorce and some crazy bad luck, she is working at B1g L0ts after spending 18 years as an assistant bank manager. She says she couldn't find work in any Greenville bank! Today we both admitted to each other that we go home and cry every day after work. At least I'm not alone.

I keep telling myself that it will all be over soon ... the store is supposed to open on Nov. 24th. Although I overheard the district manager today saying he doubted that we'd be ready. If they'd hire some people who KNOW how to set a store up, I bet it'd be done a whole lot faster.

I just don't know how many more days of this I have in me.

As Laura likes to say, "Call 1-800-WaaWaaWaa-WaaWaaWaaWaa."

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Love you guys. :-)

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Outside My House Today:
High: 71
Low: 39
Sunny and breezy

Monday, November 10, 2003

"If I could turn back time ..."

Yes, it was the best weekend I've had in a long while. Sunday wasn't so hot, but Saturday more than made up for it.

Friday improved when we were able to leave work just before 2PM. I shopped for tailgating supplies, helped Brandy get her car from the shop, and baked some brownies. Laura arrived about 10PM, and we opened a bottle of champagne to celebrate seeing each other again. I probably talked her left ear off before we went to bed.

Saturday morning, we got moving and actually left for Clemson a little ahead of schedule. We were able to visit with Emilie and her roommates for about an hour ... very enjoyable. Loved seeing the pictures from Em's 21st birthday party!

We were on campus just before noon ... with nothing ahead but lots of yakking, cocktails, snacks, and people-watching for several hours. Brandy and Adam were fun companions, as usual. We pondered the wisdom of buying a couple of $45 tickets, but decided that since there was NO CHANCE of Clemson beating Florida State, we'd rather just sit under the night sky and listen to the game on the radio. It'd give us more time together, too. We're so smart!

The kids all left for the game by 6:30, and by 8:30 Laura and I were wondering whether we had made a bad decision by letting those tickets go. After all, Clemson had already scored 2 field goals! By half-time it was obvious that the Tigers were dominating the game, and it was also just as obvious that Laura and Dawn were dumbasses for not buying those tickets. D'oh!

Long story short ... a miracle occurred on Saturday night in Clemson, SC. Ranked 3rd in the nation, the Florida State Seminoles lost to the Clemson Tigers!

Clemson - 26
Florida St. - 10

*huge smile* So very exciting, and so very wonderful! It made for a late night, but was worth every minute of it.

Laura left just after noon on Sunday, and I watched Lifetime movies all afternoon. Zzzz.

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Two truckloads were unloaded, priced, and shelved at work today. Most of us were sent home early (2:30 instead of 4:30), and you know that was alright with me.

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And now the laundry awaits. Y'all have a good night tonight, and a beautiful Tuesday, will you?

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Outside My House Today:
High: 57
Low: 37
Sunny

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Thought For Today:
"Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't no love at all" (Toni Morrison)

Thursday, November 06, 2003

"Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe me somethin' ..."

So tired. Feet hurt.

Hair looks like crap. Hands look like crap. The weather is crap. Managers are crap.

At least it's time for "Survivor".

And tomorrow's FRIDAY! :-)

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Outside My House Today:
High: 81
Low: 69
Pouring rain on the way to work, then cloudy

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Thought For Today:
"Every problem has a gift for you in its hands." (Richard Bach)

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

"I get knocked down, but I get up again ..."

Whoa baby. I spent this entire day building that heavy-ass Sauder furniture --- microwave carts, bookshelves, etc. I had no idea I'd spend the day in the furniture warehouse, but that's the way it turned out. There were about 6 of us, all women. We hefted boxes, stacked tables, chairs, and bed frames. I'm insanely tired and achey now, and hoping that I get to stick price tags on toilet paper tomorrow.

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I dreamed last night that I ate half my cell phone. I was talking on it ... but taking bites, chewing, and swallowing the bottom half of the phone the entire time. In my dream, I realized that I had ruined it only after half the phone was gone. Sheesh. No wonder I'm fat.

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Have y'all watched that MTV show on Tuesday nights after "The Real World"? It's called "Rich Girls". The cameras follow Tommy Hilfiger's teenage daughter Ally and her best friend, Jaime, as they go about the business of being 17, filthy rich, and SO very spoiled.

There. Are. No. Words. Rich people who are THAT rich ... well, they're just crazy as loons. They wipe their butts with dollar bills. And they need serious therapy.

Makes me miss Nick and Jessica.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 79
Low: 67
Partly cloudy, and humid as hell

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Thought For Today:
"If you hold on tight to what you think is your thing, you may find you're missing all the rest. (Dave Matthews Band)

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

"Turn around and you’re tiny, turn around and you’re grown ..."

Time doesn't simply fly. Time climbs into the cockpit of a supersonic jetplane ... and when you're not paying attention, it flies at five times the speed of sound. I'm never more aware of that fact than when another "My Baby's Birthday" rolls around.

Especially when it's one of the big birthdays, like this one is.

All I know is this -- one minute you're trying to squeeze a wiggly toddler into her footie pajamas ... the next minute, you're watching her build a Science Fair solar cooker out of a cardboard box and plastic wrap ... the next minute, you're wishing her a Happy 21st Birthday from 50 miles away.

And that's what I'm doing today. Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, Emilie Elizabeth ... I'm wishing you a happy 21st Birthday. And a healthy 21st Birthday, and a safe and peaceful 21st Birthday, and a memorable 21st birthday, and (most importantly) a 21st Birthday filled with people telling you how wonderful and special and incredibly precious you are.

Beginning with your Mom.

I love you baby girl. Always.

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Thought For Today:


Where are you going my little one, little one
Where are you going my baby, my own
Turn around and you’re two, turn around and you’re four
Turn around and you’re a young girl going out of the door

Where are you going my little one, little one
Dirndls and petticoats, where have you gone
Turn around and you’re tiny, turn around and you’re grown
Turn around and you’re a young wife with babes of your own

Monday, November 03, 2003

"I go crazy ..."

Monday. Exhausted.

Jimmy was leaving on a jetplane by 5:30 AM, and I was at work at 7 AM. They had precious little for us to do today, so we had to spend hours "looking busy", which was a load of crap. The trucks won't arrive with merchandise until Wednesday morning, so they offered a day off tomorrow to all who were willing to work on Saturday instead. No way, Jose. I gots tailgating planned on Saturday.

So anyway, I guess tomorrow will be spent "looking busy" again ... probably a lot of cleaning bathrooms and the like. Cross your fingers that they will send us home early. Wednesday's gonna be a bitch.

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We had a few trick-or-treaters on Friday night ... most were scared away by our fanatical neighbors down in the cul-de-sac. They blasted Christian rock and preaching from sundown until after 9 PM. I wonder how many souls they saved. Grrrrr.

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Saturday, my mother-in-law visited for 2 hours ... after hitching a ride up here with a trucker friend.

So that was fun. :-/

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And we're not even going to discuss the Clemson/Wake Forest game. We're not.

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Sunday, Jimmy and I drove down to Clemson to hug our almost-birthday girl and take her to lunch. Don't know about the two of them, but I enjoyed every minute of it. We gave Em her birthday goodies, such as they were ... and bought her a few items of Clemson apparel from the shops downtown. (Cute hat!)

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I've been going to bed SO early ... this manual labor crap really tires this old fat lady OUT. I'll probably watch "All My Children" at 8:00 on SoapNet tonight, and it'll be lights out right after that. Zzzzz.

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So excited about the coming weekend ... Laura and Melody are driving up from GA to spend Saturday at the Clemson/Florida State game with me and the kids. Hopefully they'll arrive Friday night ... fun will be had by all! :-)

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OK, I'm in need of soap and shampoo. See you tomorrow.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 79
Low: 49
Sunny
(Meteorologist John Cessarich promises that this WILL be changing soon ... thank ya Jesus. November should be "crisp".)

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Thought For Today:
"Stay tuned. I could say something brilliant at any moment."

Thursday, October 30, 2003

"Someday I'll fly, someday I'll soar ..."

The pumpkin seeds are roasting as I type this. Only I think I may have had the oven temp too high, because as I gave them a stir they seemed a bit blackened already. Whatevah.

I carved a very very cool jack-o-lantern this afternoon ... he looks like a skeleton face. I also hung a ghost from the tree by my front door, and threw some very old spider webs(found in my old box o' Halloween stuff) all around the front door. BOO!

Last weekend I caught the newest "Halloween" movie ... "H20" ... with Josh Hartnett playing Laurie Strode's son. Loved it. Loved the first "Halloween" movie even more. To me, that Michael Myers music is even creepier than "Tubular Bells". Skeeery!

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Brandy is coming to watch Survivor with me tonight, and since she's had a bad cold thing going all week, I decided to make a pot of chicken noodle goodness for her. I'll begin the chopping very soon.

Jimmy is also coming in tonight ... earlier than usual. I'm going to set the VCR just in case the ride from the airport interrupts my Rupert Time.

I've had a super nice day off from work ... made even nicer by the manager's phone call telling me to come in at noon tomorrow, instead of the ungodly 7 AM. Whoo hoo! Apparently there was a delay in the "deadly fumes" in the store today, so we get to start later tomorrow. Oh yeah.

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Time to chop the veggies. Carry on.

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Outside My House:
High: 71
Low: 40
Sunny
(That is NOT Halloween weather.)

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Thought For Today:
Laurie Strode: "Was that the boogyman?"
Dr. Loomis: "As a matter of fact... it was!"

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

"Hey Britney ..."

So yeah, I changed jobs again. It occured to me, after speaking with Adam on the phone yesterday, that I had neglected to update my ever-changing job status with all the important people in my life. Some knew, some didn't. No offense. :-)

Last week, I was invited to attend a job orientation with B1g L0ts ... and I accepted. The other job, which was supposed to be so fulfilling emotionally since I was "helping people" was really nothing more than "Maid". And hell, I've done that for 25 years. Nothing against being a maid, it's an honest day's work for many ... just wasn't for moi, ya see.

The manager at BL said that the first 2 or 3 weeks on the job would be backbreaking, sweaty, and miserable since we'd be "building" the store. I started at 7 AM on Monday, and he was not lying. We started with a completely empty space of (my estimate) 60,000 sq. ft. The first day there was much talk like "Are you sure that's not too heavy for you? ... Let's get the guys to lift these, ladies." On Tuesday that flew out the window. We start the minute we hit the door, have two measly 15-minute breaks, and one half-hour lunch break. Parts of my body scream, others go numb. But I'll be damned if I don't keep on going. I'm lifting and placing heavy metal shelves, I'm painting, I'm pinching the beejesus out of my fingers ... I'm sort of surprising myself. I didn't know I had it in me. Still though, by the time I pull into my garage around 4 PM, it's all I can do to get out of the car.

We have tomorrow off since toxic fumes are scheduled, but I'll be back on Friday. That's if my legs and feet cooperate.

Today I had to stifle a smirky laugh when the District Manager, during our end-of-day pep talk, said, "This is going to be a classy, top of the line B1g L0ts! The talk of Greenville!"

I'm thinking it was the paint fumes ... poor man.

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Still haven't carved that silly jack-o-lantern. I guess it'll get done sometime tomorrow. Or not.

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Adam wrote me an e-mail to tell me that I'm getting an Outkast CD for Christmas. And all I've got to say to that is: "Woohooo!" :-)

Love to both my kiddos ... thinking of you so often you wouldn't believe it.

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Outside My House Today:
High: 71
Low: 47
Sunny

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Thought For Today:
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." (Johnny Carson)

Saturday, October 25, 2003

"Hey ya ..."

Today was Football Day at my house. And I was all alone too. Lucky for me, the game was so exciting I hardly noticed.

Clemson - 36
North Carolina - 28

Hate that the defense gave up so many rushing yards, but now my heart belongs to Derrick Hamilton. He took a kickoff return and ran with it. I'm talking the whole field. Touchdown. 100 yards. Awesome! I'm glowing orange. :-)

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Daylight Saving Time ends tonight. I love the feeling of setting the clocks back one hour. Feels like "free time".

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Never got around to carving my jack-o-lantern today ... maybe tomorrow. So, what have you been up to?

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Outside My House:
High: 67
Low: 43
Sunny, with clouds increasing in the afternoon

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Thought For Today:
"C-L-E-M-S-O-N T-I-G-E-Rrrr-S!"

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

"It's been a bad day, please don't take our picture ..."

For over a year now, I use the Internet while sitting in my comfy chair, with my feet propped up on an ottoman, with a laptop computer on ... you guessed it, my lap. My sister Laura let me use her laptop after I whined like a 2-year-old about not getting one for Christmas. At the time, she had a desktop computer, and this thing was just gathering dust. Since then, I have used almost all the life this poor little Hewlett Packard had in it. I tripped over a cord one night, and broke something in the plug thingee ... and now the power cord is taped into the back. And the battery is deader than a doornail, so it has to be plugged in at all times.

Sister Laura lost her desktop in a lightening strike several months ago, and has had the good manners never to ask for this one back. And I've had the bad manners to never offer it. Yeah, I'm ashamed. One of the reasons is, I was mortified that I had broken the darn thing, and didn't want her find out. I guess I was thinking that one day soon, the laptop fairy would leave TWO new laptops under my pillow ... one for me and one for her.

Well anyway, yesterday as I was reading some e-mail, I heard a new and strange clicking noise from deep within this old, battered laptop. And we all know that's never going to turn out to be a good thing. I'm thinking that, very soon now, I'll be updating this journal from upstairs at the computer desk, instead of my comfy chair. Easy come, easy go.

I do hope Laura still loves me.

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Stolen from someone else's journal ... because I can't think of anything to write about:

A - Act your age: I'm 44, but I feel at least 20 years younger (at least in my head)

B - Boyfriend: Haven't had one of those since 1976

C - Chore you hate: Cleaning bathrooms

D - Dad's name: Chuck

E - Essential make up item: Lipstick

F - Favorite actor: John Travolta / Tom Hanks (it's a tie)

G - Gold or silver: Gold, it's outdated and so am I

H – Height: 5’10"

I - Instruments you play: A little piano, but 30 years ago I could play the flute, the oboe, and the bassoon

J - Job title: Housewife / Job Changer

K – Kids: Two, and have I mentioned how much I adore them?

L - Living arrangements: A gray 2-story house in South Carolina, with my traveling husband and our slightly unstable kitty cat

M - Mom's name: Mary Frances

N - Number of people you've slept with: I guess this means SLEPT with ... so my answer is one

O - Overnight hospital stays: Around 6, I think ... 2 breast episodes (plus a zillion hospital visits so various strangers could stare at my boobs that weren't overnight), 2 childbirths, 1 ankle surgery, and 1 week-long gallbladder nightmare

P - Phobia: I have issues with snakes, deep water, clowns, and midgets.

Q - Quote you like: "Too soon old, too late smart." (my daddy)

R - Religious affiliation: I was raised in the Lutheran Church, but I now I am in a constant state of wondering. I pray to God. And I hope I'm heard.

S - Siblings: 2 sisters, 1 half-brother and 1 half-sister

T - Time you wake up: Lately it's around 8:30, because I tend to stay awake later when I'm in the house alone.

U - Unique habit: Dreaming of the day I'm not fat anymore, but doing nothing to get myself there

V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Brussel sprouts ... I was forced to eat them when I was a kid, and manoman, just the memory makes me gag.

W - Worst habit: Carbohydrates

X - X-rays you've had: ankle (broken), foot (kicked the refrigerator), chest (to make sure I'm not a walking TB bomb), digestive system (to find out why I was in pain and throwing up), mammograms, and teeth

Y - Yummy food you make: Chicken soup, carrot cake, turkey dressing, scrambled egg sandwiches

Z - Zodiac Sign: Aries, the hard-headed ram

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Outside My House:
High: 76
Low: 54
Sunny

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Thought For Today:
"Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving."

Sunday, October 19, 2003

"You should never have to bury your own babies ..."

Quiet Sunday.

Emilie is home with me for a long weekend ... Fall Break at Clemson. We ran a couple of errands yesterday afternoon, and rented some movies. We had a late bite to eat at California Dreaming, and came home to change into PJ's and watch Saturday Night Live. She's had a stressful time of it lately, and well ... so have I. We both were ready for bed pretty quick.

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The funeral yesterday, and the events leading up to it, have been in my thoughts almost constantly. I think it may very well be the saddest thing I've ever seen ... her casket being wheeled out of the chapel, followed by her mom and her older sister, holding onto each other with tears streaming down their faces. Her father walked behind them, with his mother by his side ... all of them looking as though they'd never smile again. I can't imagine how they will find the strength to make it through the coming days and months. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Her 21st birthday. Today.

I hope I never forget this feeling I have of being incredibly lucky and blessed. Nothing can compare to the pain of losing a child. My heart breaks for every parent who has lived through it.

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Don't know what today has in store ... I just hope there are some smiles involved.

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Outside My House:
High: 75
Low: 48
Sunny

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Thought For Today:
"Time it was and what a time it was it was...
a time of innocence, a time of confidences
long ago it must be
I have a photograph, preserve your memories
its all that's left you." (Simon & Garfunkel)

Friday, October 17, 2003

"Hold on to yourself, for this is gonna hurt like hell ..."

Friday Five

1. Name five things in your refrigerator. milk, teeth-whitening gel, apples, leftover baked beans, and a huge chunk o' cheddar

2. Name five things in your freezer. popcorn shrimp, black bananas, bread, brats, chicken

3. Name five things under your kitchen sink. new sponge, Electrosol 2in1 Tabs, garbage can, Clorox Disenfecting Wipes, Ajax Dishwashing Liquid

4. Name five things around your computer. Right this moment: TV remote, my purse, calendar, a pen, a phone book

5. Name five things in your medicine cabinet. Nyquil, Excedrin Migraine, Benadryl, thermometer, old prescriptions

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Well, that silly Friday Five suited me just fine. No brain work. This week has been about as crappy as a week should have the nerve to be. No details today though, because I'm drained. Truly. I promise I'll record the details for posterity's sake a few days from now.

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Jimmy is flying in this afternoon for a 24-hour-stay, due to some of this week's stress. We have a funeral to attend tomorrow. I can't even express in words how sick it makes me feel to order flowers for the funeral service of a 20-year-old young woman. Senseless is what it is. I think we can all agree that the sudden death of young person can put all the trivial problems in our lives in fast and proper perspective.

As much as I worry and cry and want things to be different in my Emilie's life ... she's alive. She's here in this world and I can talk to her and see her anytime I feel like it. No matter how much I miss having Adam upstairs every day, he's still a phone call away. I can still tell both my kids how much I love them.

Melissa's family can't.

My husband and I are both feeling quite shell-shocked ... the daughter of his friend and co-worker, and a high-school classmate of Emilie's ... this one hits very close to home. As close to home as I hope it ever gets.

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Thought For Today:
"Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don't know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It's that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don't know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless." (Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky)

Monday, October 13, 2003

"Is there anyone out there?..."

Yikes, it's early. I just drove Jimmy to the airport for his Monday morning flight west. He won't be back home until Halloween. Neither of us slept well last night. I watched an old Dracula movie last night, and turned the TV off a little past 11 PM ...finally fell asleep around 1:30 AM. I woke around 3 AM, then heard his alarm at 4:30. Been awake since then. He said he kept waking, worried that he'd sleep through the alarm and miss his flight. Ugh.

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The weekend flew by, but was fun.

Saturday, we went down to Clemson early. The rain was coming down, as it usually is on tailgating days. Kickoff was at noon, and by that time, the rain was gone. The clouds hung around, and the breezes were cool, but after all was said and done, the day was a good one for football. Clemson won in overtime against 25th-ranked Virginia! The final score was 30-27 ... whoo hoo!

Sunday was spent doing laundry (me) and mowing grass (him). I made some pumpkin muffins that I forgot to make for tailgating. Yeah, that day was pretty boring.

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This morning I will be at my new job at 8 AM. I haven't talked this one to death, because frankly I'm tired of all my job drama. I decided to quit CVS and go with this one because it feels more in line with my personalty, and it's going to allow me to feel like I'm "making a difference" in someone's life. Also it pays a few nickles more than CVS did.

Anyway, I'm employed by a company that contracts with mostly elderly people who need in-home, non-medical care. The clients I will be working with are a married couple who need help with meal preparation and getting dressed. They want someone 5 mornings a week ... so I'll be there every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Of course, today I'm nervous. Hopefully they will be kind and adorable, and happy to have me in their home. *sigh*

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I won't comment too much on last week's "Survivor", since Brandy hasn't seen it yet ... but damn, I'm starting to believe Rupert could be a tribe all by himself! And he'd STILL win all the challenges.

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I just saw a news snippet on a new drug used in the treatment of OCD. The brand name was Topamax, I think. This afternoon, I'll be looking for more info on that.

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Better go put my face on so I can be out the door in an hour. Hope all of you have a really good Monday.

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Thought For Today:
"Never miss a good chance to shut up."

Thursday, October 09, 2003

"I wished I could have stood where you would have been proud ..."

Have you heard the new Dixie Chicks' song "Top Of The World"? It stops me in my tracks every time I hear it played. I think they are so very talented. Oh, and just so you know ... I think Natalie Maines has the right to say whatever the hell she wants to say. If her words hurt your conservative ears so much that you can't bear to ever listen to her incredibly talented voice ever again ... well, you're a dumbass.

Tomorrow, they are performing in Charlotte with The Indigo Girls. And y'all know how I feel about those Indigo Girls. I'll just stay home and play my cd's, I guess.

So that song ... "Top Of The World" ... when I hear it, I sit very still and try to figure out just what I'm feeling. I think it has a lot to do with wondering "what if" and then feeling lots of regret. And then I feel really sad because the feeling of "I caused it" surfaces. "It" meaning every problem my children will ever have to deal with.

Hard to explain, but lately I've been wondering what I could have done differently so that my daughter could have gone through high school and college without the burden of her mental illness. Sometimes I cry and beg God to make me sick ... so that she can be well. He's not listening.

'Cause everyone's singing
We just wanna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word somehow
Wanna grab a hold of that little song bird
Take her for a ride to the top of the world right now
To the top of the world

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I guess I'm in one of those moods today. I feel useless and sad, like there's nothing to look forward to and my job is pointless, and hell, no one likes me. The rational side of me (which is a tiny little freckle on my pinky toe) whispers that I need an anti-depressant, but it's hard to hear it from that far away. Plus I've never really liked that toe anyway.

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Plan For Today:

Vacuum the living room and the foyer
Clean the kitchen floor
Laundry
Put clean sheets on the bed
Pay bills
Meet with new employer at 2 PM
Go see Bubba the Cat
Watch Survivor
Pick Jimmy up at the airport

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New employer, you ask? Why yes, thank you. More later, after I get the details.

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If Bubba the Cat doesn't come out from under Brandy's bed today, well ... there's not much I can do. Brandy's been in Arizona all week, and I've been visiting Bubba every day to make sure he's OK. Only he's very good at ignoring me. Even when I showed up with a Chick-Fil-A sandwich. The good part is that I know he's coming out when I'm not there, since the litter box is used, and he's eating and drinking. I must be very scary.

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Big Survivor Rumor:

I heard that the first few people voted out -- like the first six or so (the "pre-jury" folks, if you will) -- are being kept on a third island, under only slightly better conditions. At some point in the near future they will have a competition and the winner will get to rejoin the game even though they have been voted out.

OH MY GOD. I LOVE THIS RUMOR.

If it's true, I'll scream with glee. If it's not true, I'll continue to be the freak who has such a boring life that she believes Big Survivor Rumors.

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Thought For Today:
"Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal. All this pain is an illusion." (Tool) Thanks Adam, for the correct lyrics.:-)

Monday, October 06, 2003

"Could you look me in the eye and tell me that you're happy now? ..."

Aww. Green Day is singing "Good Riddance" on my TV right now, and guess who I'm thinking of? ((((((Emilie)))))) <-- That was a big ole hug from your Mama. I hope it makes you happy to know that, for time and forever, when I hear a Green Day song I will think of my lovely daughter. :-)

In other music news, I'm so glad to see REM again. Michael Stipe is cooler than most.

Also, I want Justin Timberlake for Christmas.

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The Weekend Report:

Adam and Brandy came over to watch the Clemson-Maryland game with me. Maryland won, 21 to 7. And I learned about some freaky college football rule where if the player gets run out of bounds, he can actually run back in to catch the ball and make a touchdown. Sounds fishy to me, does it to you?

After that, we ate some brats I bought at Sam's Club. Won't be doing that again, since these brats shrunk to half their original size during the cooking process. Brandy had lots to do in preparation for her trip to Arizona this week, so they left after our meal.

I was looking forward to the season premier of "Saturday Night Live" because, well ... I have no life, and I love SNL like that. Jack Black was the host, and JOHN MAYER (who whom I adore) was going to sing twice. I got my pj's on, and settled back into my pillows and featherbed to enjoy the festivities. When Jack introduced John, I heard the opening chords to "Bigger Than My Body" (my new favorite song) ... and I passed out. I'm not kidding you, I was snoring before John the cutie even sang the first chorus. I think we'll file that under "How To Determine If You're Elderly". Maybe I can catch it during the reruns. :-(

Next Saturday, I will be napping ALL day if I have to ... Justin Timberlake is host AND musical guest. What a guy. Oh wait, I can't be napping all day next Saturday. We're making plans to tailgate at the Clemson game next week. Oh well, I'll set the damn VCR if I have to. Aging bites, in case you were wondering.

Sunday was quiet. I bought the paper and read every word. I watched "About Schmidt" with Jack Nicholson. Liked it pretty much, even though it made me even more depressed about aging.

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Cloudy skies all day today ... I can't believe it's the 2nd week of October. I saw several houses already decorated for Halloween. I love Halloween, and I've bought a new cd to play out an upstairs window this year ... all spooky sounds like chains rattling and scary moans, knives being sharpened and spooky footsteps. Bwa-hahahaha!

After saying that I love it, I have to admit I have a few negative feelings about this controversial holiday. It's unsafe for little ones to be running around in a cumbersome flammable costume, with both hands busy with flashlight, Reese's Pieces, and plastic bucket. There are freaks out there! People can't drive! AAY-EEEEE! Children who appear to be 15 years old come to my door with dingy pillowcases held out and demand candy in voices that changed years ago. I swear to God this is true ... a few years back, I opened the door to a couple of teenage boys, and one of them opened his long coat to show me his stuff. Yeah, THAT stuff. Like I hadn't seen anything like that before. Kids today. Hell, I ought to just hand out cigarettes.

But every year, at least one teeny tiny little girl comes to the door dressed as a fairy princess and I about burst into tears. Yeah, I love Halloween.

Every October, I always wish we lived in a house that was scary looking. I'd love to live in a big Victorian for Halloween, with cobwebs draped on all the trees and shrubs. I'd also love to live in a day and age that I could give out real food, like cupcakes and caramel apples and popcorn balls. The paranoia of today ruins every bit of my fun. Sigh.

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Thought For Today:
"The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open."

Friday, October 03, 2003

"Sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else ..."

I had to be at work at 8 AM today. And at 6:30 AM, the temperature in my bedroom was hovering somewhere near 55 degrees. Lord. I thought about shutting the windows last night, but apparently that wasn't enough. It's no fun shivering at 6:30 AM.

Worked so hard, putting away all those stupid drugs. I was whooped at 1 PM when they let me out of there.

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Last night, I was invited to eat dinner and watch "Survivor" and "CSI" with Brandy at her super-clean and lovely apartment. What a nice idea THAT was. :-) I also got to meet her new roommate, Bubba. Bubba is a huuuuge, gorgeous kitty that Brandy got from her Aunt. He's got almost the same coloring as Hayley does, but his fur is abundant and so very soft ... he feels like a bunny rabbit. Bubba is cool, very laid back and sweet.

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We weren't really surprised to see Lillian get voted off last night. We had talked beforehand, and decided that if Morgan lost, she'd be the one to go. But after seeing how little Darrah does around the camp, we decided Morgan is a bunch of dumbasses for getting rid of Lill.

And now after calling the Morgans dumbasses, I do need to say that I feel sorry for them, because it's got to be so demoralizing to keep losing all the time!

I continue to ADORE Rupert.

I wish that crazy show came on every single night.

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Friday Five

1. What vehicle do you drive? A white '95 Toyota Avalon

2. How long have you had it? Since it rolled off the showroom floor in June, 1995

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle? After the car I drove before this one (a Dodge Caravan), the obvious answer is that the Avalon runs.

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle? Last December, I backed into a crappy cement light pole, and scratched up the back bumper. That, and the wind noise ... that's always been bad. Oh, and the damn 3-CD changer. It's a royal piece o' poo.

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now? For years, my dream car has been a BMW 750. White would be nice, with tan leather interior. If I had to buy something UNDER $75,000 I'd just get a brand new Avalon. It's a really nice car.

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I've been putting off dusting and vacuuming downstairs for so many days, it's now official. I AM the Queen of Procrastination.

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Clemson plays Maryland tomorrow at 3:30 PM. I think it's on ABC this week, so I'll be watching through my fingers ... hoping and praying for a WIN! Go Tigers!

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Thought For Today:
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." (Drew Carey)

Thursday, October 02, 2003

"Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories ..."

Today my younger sister Kay is 43 years old. To use a favorite phrase of Emilie's ... "What the hell?" If Kay is forty-freekin-three, when am I going to grow up?!? I always thought that by the time we were THIS old, we'd feel "grown". Not so. I'm beginning to suspect that's one of my problems ... in my head, I'm still about 19 years old. And my body has gone on without me.

Anyhoo, Happy Birthday Grubby. I love you. Don't you wish we could go back to about 1963 and start all over again? If I could go back and do things smarter, these things would be different:

1. I wouldn't fight with you so much. What was gained by all those hours of arguing? Nuttin, honey.

2. I wouldn't laugh when you chopped your Skipper's hair off to her chin, and then she looked like crap.

3. I wouldn't roll my eyes when you draped that damn gum wrapper chain around your orange room.

4. I wouldn't be so jealous when you bought your first car.

5. I would "play cars" with you MORE than we did the first time around. Lord, I loved that. I'm thinking we might be the only little girls in the WORLD that used "One Life To Live" as the plot-line to playing cars. Heh.

And these are some of the things I'd re-live in exactly the same way:

1. I'd still hate taking a bath with you in 1967.

2. I'd still think you were weird for saving your baby teeth in that little box.

3. I'd still resent you for going off to school every morning in Villa Rica, when I was having so many emotional problems and couldn't get myself out the door.

4. I'd still think you were a brat for poking your fingernails in the styrofoam head of the Christmas angel to make her a face.

5. I'd still be forever grateful that I always had somebody to play with, to talk to, to BE with ... forever grateful that I had a sister.

When we were little girls, we had no clue what life had in store for us. No idea that we'd both be married by the age of 20; that we'd both have a baby boy, and then a baby girl; that we'd live parallel lives until your divorce. We had no clue that you'd lose your mind and marry that 2nd strange man. ;-)

If we had a peek, back then, at the lives we'd be living in 2003, it's possible we'd be unwilling to leave 1963. Remember 1963? It wasn't all good, oh hell no. But we had a Mama at home, cooking our dinners every night and taking care of our every need. We had a Daddy who loved us, no doubt. We were safe, and we knew it. We were lucky girls.

But reality means that we can't pick a year and stay there (although God knows I've tried with my clothing and make-up style). Time moves on, and we have no choice but to move along with the SOB. Here we are ... two middle-aged sisters - one married, one single, whose children are grown (or almost grown, ahem Beth!). We've gone to our Father's funeral. We've dealt with health problems and husband problems and weight problems and children problems and money problems. And through all of it, we've been there for each other. We've lived through it all together. Thank God.

Happy 43rd, Kaydee. Sister. Friend.

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Thought For Today:
"Don't let aging get you down ... it's too hard to get back up."