"If there were no words, no way to speak, I would still hear you ..."

Be my Valentine, dammit!

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It's taken me several years to come to the following certainty: I hate February. It drags on and on and ON. The holidays are over, so the cold weather feels depressing. The neighborhood association dues must be paid before the end of the month. There's a forced "Be Romantic" day. The jonquils poke green shoots out of the ground, and then it snows on them. The car insurance is due. And this year, there's the Winter Olympics, too. Ugh.

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I took some flowers over to Dogwood Acres today ... a pink hyacinth for the nurse's desk, and a red rose in a vase being hugged by a stuffed pink poodle for Grandma F. She smiled. :-)

She was kidnapped today and forced to attend a Valentine's Party, where she received a handmade card and a little stuffed bear. Torture!!!

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Mark my words ... tomorrow is the 15th of February, right? It will be SIX WEEKS before it's March 1st. Stupid dragging February.

"Just another day in paradise ..."

Brrrr, y'all.

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Grandma F was not in her room this afternoon ... she was still in the therapy room. (This was after 2 PM.) I waited, instead of walking around to where she was. I was pacing in the hallway when she rounded the corner, walking with a walker. When the aide said, "Look Mrs. F, there's your granddaughter," Grandma started crying. She said they had kidnapped her and the police would be picking them up later today.

She sat in her wheelchair while we waited for clean sheets for her bed. She washed her hands so we could do a manicure, and we got her nails nice and smooth again. She drank some iced tea, and settled into her clean sheeted bed ... ahhh, much happier. For some reason, she wanted to talk about her daughter today. She talked, I listened.

I got a really good hug when I left there just now.

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Hoping the snowbound ones are having a safe time on the roads today.

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A friend of Emilie's was sent off to Afghanistan yesterday. I've been thinking of him a lot today. I wish they could all just come home.

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That's all I got.

"Before I met you, I was F.I.N.E. fine ... "

Got a quick phone call from Adam and Brandy this morning. All is well in NYC. They were watching for the big snowstorm to arrive there later this afternoon, and having lunch on Broadway. I hope they are having a wonderful day!

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Quiet Saturday here ... just popped in here to show you my latest heartbreak.

Here's Steven Tyler and Joe Perry ... a few years ago, to be sure ... but looking every bit the rock 'n roll gods they are. My all-caps CRUSH has always been for Steven, but you have to admit ... Joe and his guitar are worthy. Yes.

Gorgeous.

************************************

Please explain this to me. The picture below was taken after the Grammy Awards the other night.

While Steven still looks like the crazyman I love --- Joe? What fresh hell is THAT? Is that what manorexia looks like? My heart is broken, and I am mailing him a box of homemade cookies immediately. This madness must end.

"You've done your sowin', now you can do your reapin' ..."

Friday. Woot.

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Damn you, Rascal Flatts. Why must you continually reduce me to "the ugly cry" with every song and video you release?

"Skin"
Sarabeth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well
Since the day that she fell
And the bruise, it just won't go away
So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad
Flips through an old magazine
Till the nurse with a smile
Stands at the door
And says will you please come with me

Sarabeth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white
Something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you

Six chances in ten it won't come back again
With the therapy were gonna try
It's just been approved
It's the strongest there is
I think we caught it in time

Sarabeth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair

Sarabeth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake
For someone to take
A girl with no hair to the prom

For, just this morning right there on her pillow
Was the cruelest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny

Sarabeth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love was holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair

Its quarter to seven
That boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this mornin where his hair had been
Softly she touches just skin

And they go dancin
Around and around without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared

-----

Was a little disappointed last night to find out that I won't get to enjoy weekly Jeff-Probst-viewing in HD. Survivor isn't, but CSI is. All the better to see the gore and guts, my pretty.

-----

Grandma F was not talkative today ... cound be because I woke her from some pretty deep sleep. The room was darkened, and both ladies were far away in dreamland. I put away the clean clothes, and straightened things ... then turned on the light and woke her as gently as I could. Would have been just as easy to leave quietly, but she made me promise I wouldn't ever do that. Can she read my mind? Hmm.

The aide met me coming in and asked me to try and convince her to take her shower this evening. Of course when I brought it up, Grandma scowled and said, "That's the best way I know of to get pnuemonia. All that water in my eyes and nose and ears." Sigh.

The nurse brought her afternoon meds in ... she still refuses to take her afternoon dose of Colace. Why? Well, because she has ALWAYS taken only one of those a day. That's why. And apparently, if it didn't happen ALWAYS, it ain't happenin' now. She asked what the Aricept was for ... I told her it was to make her brain keep working right. She swallowed that one down. Just for future reference, the Lexapro is to keep her nerves healthy.

I didn't stay very long today. My cold is nasty, and I couldn't think of a darn thing to talk about. Maybe tomorrow.

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A note to Someone Special: This too shall pass. Take one day at a time, and be strong in yourself. It'll be alright! Treat yourself like the one-of-a-kind treasure that you are. And don't settle for less than you want ... or deserve. :-)

"Get down girl, go 'head, get down ..."

The Grammy Awards were on last night. And in our house, they were on in HDTV, baby. Oh yeah. Don't know if it was the crystal clear picture, or the Dolby Digital sound that did it, but Jimmy watched the whole thing with me! (He's no fun though ... every time I tried to snark, he shushed me so he could "read the bottom of the screen" ... where they were listing all the awards given off the air.)

So I came here to snark. Here's my list:

* Madonna. Oh Madge, you know I adore you. But please honey, put on some pants. Her eyes looked scary ... several times I thought of Bette Davis' Baby Jane when there would be a closeup of Madonna's face. Aging sucks. But she still has my TOTAL attention when she's on my TV screen.

* Keith Urban is just a big ole platter of yummified hotness.

* There is nothing more adorable than Kelly Clarkson. She's unpretentious, she's real, and she can sing. I loved her even more when I saw her take her purse onstage to accept her Grammys.

* Who is John Legend?

* Green Day, Record Of The Year, Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Yes.

* Sheryl Crow's chest is painfully bony.

* Ellen, introducing Paul McCartney: "This man needs no introduction." Then she left the stage. Perfect!

* When the Linkin Park guy started singing "Yesterday", I wondered if he got all nervous singing that when Paul was in the building. Then Paul walked onstage to sing it with him. I'm all about the Paul Love.

* Springsteen ... wonderful performance. Only when the camera was on his right, the way the lighting was ... well, he looked just like Bob Dylan. Not good.

* Speaking of Paul McCartney ... and why not? To this old lady, one of the highlights of the show was Paul rocking to Helter Skelter. Excellent.

* The Sly and The Family Stone tribute was a steamy mess. Sly needed a wheelchair with a neck support. His mohawk was too heavy. He tried to sing and take part in his tribute ... but eventually you could tell he was just muttering "wtf" while he shuffled offstage before the song was even over. Too funny.

* U2, the big weiners of the night. Eh.

* Kanye West. I waited all night to see the performance of Gold Digger ... love that song. I knew it would involve watching Kanye, since it's his song ... and I was willing to put up with that. I thought I was, anyway. I should have known that his GIANT EGO would ruin it for me. What an ass. I discovered that I enjoy the song on the radio ONLY. That way I don't have to see his smug "Don't I look like Jesus?" face.

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I bet Jimmy is yawning at work today.

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I haven't updated since Grandma F's Monday appointment at the Cancer Center. Getting her there was the biggest hurdle. When we arrived at Dogwood Acres, I could hear Grandma in her room, almost screaming "Help me, help me!!" I went in to find the poor CNA trying her best to gently get Grandma dressed and ready for her appointment. Grandma's hands were clamped around the siderails of her bed so tightly, neither one of us could get her to let go. When she saw it was me, she started crying and telling me that the CNA was trying to kidnap her. It took lots of calm talking to get her to settle down. *sigh*

The actual appointment ended up taking the entire afternoon. They drew a lot of blood, and after the doctor took an initial look at it, we were told that she's got Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. And probably has had it for a while. There won't be any treatment ... the doctor said that, even in a younger patient, there is often no treatment given for this particular cancer. He wants to see her again at the end of next week ... I need to call and find out if she really needs to be there, or if the appointment is to hear the final results of all the blood tests. Because if she really doesn't need to be there, I'm all for leaving her where she's happiest ... her bed!

When I went in yesterday, I was stopped by both a CNA and her afternoon nurse ... both wanting to tell me about her latest ornery behaviour. I told Grandma that everyone there is beginning to think she is a crabby old lady. Maybe that will snap her back into a cooperative frame of mind. I think she cares what others think and say about her.

A few days ago, one of the aides told me what they really are saying about her ... "Awww no, I've got Mrs. F again today! I just had her two days ago!" :-( Not good.

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Hypochondriac Update: I've got a head cold.

"Could I have been anyone other than me? ..."

We went on Friday to pick up our shiny new High Definition TV Digital Cable Box. Oh, the excitement. We get five, count 'em, five channels in HDTV.

And no, ABC (Super Bowl broadcaster) isn't one of them.

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Adam and Brandy came and watched the game with us. We ate healthy Weight Watcher's Super Bowl food ... raw veggies, fresh fruit, grilled chicken, baked potatoes ... yay, us. It was hard to get all worked up over a football game with teams we didn't really care about. We decided to cheer for Seattle, since one of their starters was a former Clemson player. Oh well.

And the half-time show was the suck. I never was a fan of the Stones, even when they were alive. I agree with a fellow blogger, who said this morning, "How about letting the drum corps world champs do the half-time show?" Now THAT would have been a half-time show. Stupid Super Bowl planners.

Favorite Super Bowl commercial: "Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" preview. (one word: JohnnyDepp)

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My future today holds a trip to the hematologist with Grandma F. This should be fun. She was an ornery thang this weekend, refusing meds and tests willynilly. We decided that, should she refuse to go today, that we will not get upset about it. The decision is hers, and if she makes a bad one, and no amount of upset on our part can change things ... then why go through the upset? I wonder though ... when does she go from being seen as a competent adult who can make her own choices to a woman suffering from dementia who can no longer make rational choices for herself?

Because, in our minds, she's already there.

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My hands look like I danced with Edward Scissorhands (one word: JohnnyDepp) last night. It's like I forgot how to use a knife. I even impaled my hand on a steak knife while loading the dishwasher.

-----

I watched "Titanic" for the 47th time on Saturday night ... and cried like a baby. Again.

-----

Woke up with a sore throat today ... I'm comforted by the fact that I've felt that "coming down with something" thing for days now, and the sore throat means I'm not a total hypochondriac.

We can stop with the sore throat though. Thanks.

"I used to think I was the only one ..."

(Oh, Raul.)

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Gray skies and bare trees ... the sight from my kitchen table today. Maybe I should take the laptop into the den so I won't be tempted to sing a sad Natalie Merchant song for you.

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Insomnia Update: I fell asleep around 3 AM this morning, and that's better than nothing. I changed my "sleep number" to a rather mashed-potato-like 35, and decided I liked it. Sorta like my own air-cocoon.

Before falling asleep, I watched Turner Classic Movies ... "Cactus Flower" with Goldie Hawn and Walter Matthau. Every year, as Oscar time grows near, TCM shows the better movies. Not that this was a "better movie", but it was one I had not seen before. Fun, in a goofy 1969 way ... I especially liked the disco scene, where everyone danced to instrumental versions of Monkees hits. Yikes.

I think I'll keep up with what TCM is showing between now and March, and record some of the better ones with Jimmy's DVD recorder ... if he'll help me figure out how to program the thing.

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It's Survivor Night! Exciting to only me, I suppose. Most of America has grown tired of The Tribe Speaking, but not me baby. Mainly I just get happy because it means I can see Jeff Probst once a week again. But this season, I'll be cheering on a hometown chick: Ruth Marie ... I can't give her total love because she's a former Gamecock, but we can't all be perfect. She's a mom, in her 40's, and she could kick my ass. Go, Ruth Marie!

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A Twilight Zone Moment, brought to you courtesy of my visit with Grandma F yesterday:

Grandma, laying in her bed and staring at the wall: "I want ... you ... to get that owl picture ... and put on the back ... Made by Geraldine in the 1980's ... and for Jimmy, James ... anytime he gets to feeling ... wary ... he can look ... and those owls ... those 3 owls will be watching. And for Dawn ... Stark (at this point she cut her eyes over to look at me really fast, to make sure I was still there listening?) Dawn Stark ... anytime she is feeling ... you know, wondering ... she can look at the three owls. They will be watching. And put on there ... For Christmas 2005 ... From Grandma."

God bless her heart, she's talking about a large piece of crewel work she did ... it has owls on a tree branch. And back at Shady Acres, she started asking me to find a large piece of white paper, so I could write something on the back of that frame for her. Now, as best as I can figure, she wanted to give it to me and Jimmy for Christmas. Awww.

Except now I won't be able to look at the 3 owls without thinking they are "watching" me.

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Oh God ... I hope "Survivor" isn't on at the same time as "Dancing With The Stars" ... just one more thing to come between a husband and wife!

"I don't mean to wake you, but I can't sleep again ..."

I thought I might watch 'W' on TV last night, but I didn't. Did I miss anything?

No?

That's what I thought.

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So, yeah. Insomnia. It started again in earnest during the worst of the kidney infection, but it's still hanging around this week. Our new bed is so very comfy, and I just don't understand why I can't fall asleep at a reasonable hour. I sleep OK between 5 AM and 7AM. And I can usually fall asleep again between 7 AM and 8:30 AM. But man, I have some freaky dreams in that hour and a half. It's almost not worth the extra sleep.

Surprise ... I'm whining again. What would I write about if I wasn't complaining about something?

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Grandma F was seen by the psych yesterday, and was started on 2 new drugs ... Aricept for the dementia, and Lexapro for depression. It'll take weeks, but I'll be the first to let you know if there's a change.

Jimmy visited with her yesterday after work ... his hair was still smoking when he got home. She was NOT happy. And it didn't help things when Jimmy tried to encourage her to go to therapy. "I WILL GO TO THERAPY WHEN I GET BACK TO GEORGIA!!"

Oh man, I can't wait to see her later today. :-/

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Hey, it's February.

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We watched "Crash" last weekend ... I don't think Jimmy liked it as much as I did. It took a while for me to adjust to the fast pace between seemingly-unrelated storylines. Of course, in the end, they were all related ... and the message was a good one. Loved Sandra Bullock in her role ... she made me cry.

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I have one more episode to watch from The Sopranos, Season 5. I think I'm delaying watching it so that I won't have to wait so long before Season 6 starts. In March, right? Oh, I hope it starts in March. Please let it start in March.


Tony: "Carmela, there's something I gotta confess ... what are you doing?"
Carmela: "Getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face!"

"Guess who's back? Back again ..."

Where the heck have YOU been?

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Alright, I know ... slacking on the updating. (Thanks for the kick in the rear, Brandy!) The main, true, real reason I haven't been writing is this: I hate to bore you good people. And there has been nothing - really, NOTHING - in my head worth sharing with sane folks lately.

I've recovered from the kidney/uti business. It was slow-going, and I will be the first to admit that I googled "Kidney Transplant" more than once. I didn't think the pain was ever going to disappear. But it did, just like it was never there to begin with.

So last week, I was pretty much useless ... pain in my back, crushing fatigue ... I was supposed to update here too? Forget that nonsense! :-)

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Em came to town today to take the GRE exam. Adam left town today to get back to the beach ... another week in Puerto Rico.

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The Wound Care Nurse pronounced Grandma F's pressure sores healed. Amen.

It was naptime when I got there today, and I don't think she ever got fully awake while I was there. Looked like good sleepin'.

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I've been playing with Pandora.com while I've been sitting at the computer today. If you like to listen to music while you're at the computer, you should check it out. (I might like it even better if I was upstairs at the "big" computer with the better speakers ... or even some headphones.)

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I'm feeling ever-so introspective these last few days. I'm sure nothing will come of it, as usual.

"Call 1 - 800 - WaaWaaWaa - WaaWaaWaaWaa ... "

I came back to un-whine.

I'm a grown-ass woman, and if I want someone to bring me something, I need to express the want, and be done with it. To expect Jimmy to pamper me when I'm sick, and read my mind about what I want for dinner ... when I didn't even really know what I wanted myself ... is immature and whiny.

Bad Dawn.

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I am feeling a bit better today. I did go out to see Grandma F this afternoon, and stopped by the grocery strore on the way back. After bringing the bags into the house, and getting a meatloaf in the oven, I will admit that I am done for the day. Beat. Give out. Tuckered. But that's to be expected, I guess.

Grandma F seemed happy to see me. She was angry and "ready to leave this place" though. They keep insisting she go to therapy, and she just will not consider it. An impasse.

She enjoyed some "honey-thick" lemon-flavored iced tea that I took over there for her. I ordered a case online last week, and it came today. Little 4-oz. cups that come pre-thickened ... they seem easier on the taste buds than that crap you stir into regular drinks. She said it didn't taste like tea, but it was good. We got her dentures cleaned up, and she "rinsed off" with a warm washcloth, and I brought her dirty laundry home with me. She got a letter from Shundra too, so we read that.

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OK ... I'm going to take it easy while I get some laundry done. Y'all have a good Tuesday night. xo

"Life is bigger ..."

Can watching the Panthers die in Seattle cause a kidney infection??!

I gave in to the pain on Sunday afternoon, and asked Jimmy to drive me to one of those "doc in a box" places. There comes a time when you just know you need a damn antibiotic.

So I got one. I took the first one around 6 PM, and settled on the sofa to watch the game. Whooo. Brandy came over to watch with us, and Jimmy scrambled some eggs for our supper. Brandy said that whenever she had symptoms of a UTI, her stepmonster - er, stepdad - used to make her chug a beer ... and she would always feel better. Annie Lennox said it best ... "Who am I to disagree?" So I drank a beer. Since it was the first thing I'd had all day, it was the best Miller Lite ever. And I'll admit, I did feel better. Slightly.

Brandy gave up on the game at half-time, and as soon as she left, Jimmy fell asleep in the chair. I laid there thinking, "If we were watching ballroom dancing, he'd be awake!" After 30 minutes or so of snoozing, he decided it was time to go to bed. By then, the game was pretty hopeless ... so we closed up the fireplace and went upstairs to bed at 9:30 PM. We are old farts.

After going upstairs, I guess the beer wore off. I was in pain all night. Monday was spent wondering when the antibiotic was going to kick in. I felt "ok" ... enough that I thought I could make it through the things I needed to do. But when I'd start to do something, my strength would not show up. I felt like overcooked crap yesterday. And it only got worse as the day wore on.

I took the 2nd dose of Levaquin and waited for Jimmy to come home and "helppppp meeeee" ... only I forgot it was Jimmy coming home, and not Dr. Joe Martin from "All My Children".

We've talked about it before and we both agree ... Jimmy is not a nurturer. Jimmy wants to be left ALONE when he's sick, and he will do the same for you. I, on the other hand, will nurture you until you get well just to GET AWAY from me. And I expect the same when I'm sick. I want someone to bring me food and drink, and fluff my pillow, and hold a hand to my forehead, and look worried.

So back to yesterday ... in pain, frustrated, lonely ... poor Jimmy came home to THAT. He brought a small bag from Wendy's upstairs and asked me if I "wanted any" ... and showed me 3 small, nasty-smelling chicken nuggets. I made a face, he said, "No?" ... and he ate another one. The man brought me his leftover chicken nuggets for dinner. Then he said he had also bought a salad there too, did I want half?

Now to be fair, he HAD asked me what I wanted when I called him, crying in pain, earlier. I had said, "Nothing." This is a man who takes everything at face value. I said, "Nothing" ... he heard, "Nothing". End of discussion.

So I got nothing. When I would have loved a cheeseburger and maybe some fries. Even just fries would have made me feel cared-for. And if he had brought home chocolate ice cream, I would have felt like a princess. I know, I'm fat and don't need to be eating those things. But I was sick. And I needed some nurture, damn it. He then proceeded to leave me alone in my misery until he was ready to go to bed. (Sometimes treating people the way you want to be treated ain't the way to go.)

By that time, I was in some serious pain. Including my right kidney. Not good. (I have had one other kidney infection in my life, and I remember the pain. It was Vicodin-pain. It took weeks to feel back-to-normal.) Part of my tears last night were from the dread of going through that again, and part were from the actual misery. I was torn between heading straight to see a doctor, and the knowledge that I was already taking a strong dose of antibiotic. I knew they could give me some painkiller ... which was a really good reason to get in the car ... but it hurt so bad I didn't want to move.

Around 10 PM, I decided I'd go and call the "Nurse-Line" provided by our insurance company. I was going to ask what they thought I should do, considering I had only taken two doses of the antibiotic. I kept thinking that any minute now, it was going to kick in and I was going to be feeling better.

And as soon as I hobbled downstairs and into the kitchen ... that's exactly what happened. The kidney pain just vanished. Then I cried again because I was so relieved.

Is there an end to this long and boring-to-everyone-but-me story? No, actually. I did sleep for a 3-hour stretch last night, which is a vast improvement over the 3 nights before that. And the pain in my kidney is as good as gone ... it feels like I got punched there, really hard, about a week ago. Just the hint of a memory of pain. I can live with that. Peeing is still no fun, but that has improved, as well. Today I will take Dose 3 of 5, and hope for as dramatic a change as I got last night.

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On Saturday night, I watched the Miss America pageant. I used to ALWAYS watch it, back in the day. But in the last decade or more, not so much. Don't know why I settled in to watch it on Saturday, especially since it started at 11:00 PM. But I was so surprised to see that Miss Georgia was a little girl that Adam went all through school with ... elementary through high school. She went to UGA, and I guess entered the pageant stuff there. Anyway, there she was ... Monica Pang ... looking every bit like someone who could win that silly thing. She had the very best talent of all the top 5. She was poised, she was lovely. She lost to Miss Oklahoma. Monica was robbed. She's the prettiest 1st Runner-Up ever. The local news did a segment on her last night ... interviewing her teachers at the high school. They all knew she was "something special". Chuh, right.

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I've been feeling bad for teasing Jimmy about his gay TV habits. So I've decided to list all the ways the man I married is MANLY:

1. He knows how to fix stuff.

2. He wears Gold Bond powder.

3. He eats everything with hot sauce on it.

4. He farts and burps with pride.

5. He gets stuff from the basement or the attic when I need it.

6. He used to make stuff ... like bookshelves and tables.

7. He drives a truck. (This barely made the list. You know how I feel about that truck, Jimmy.)

8. He hates to go shopping.

9. He has supported his family, without complaining --- well, not much complaining --- for 27 years.

10. He mows the grass.

11. He takes the garbage can to the street once a week. And he brings it back in when I don't.

12. And seriously, the man knows how to fix stuff.

All of that, and he still enjoys good ballroom dancing on TV. :-)

"Hearts and thoughts, they fade away ..."

Rainy Saturday here in South Carolina. At the moment, I am stranded here ... Jimmy took my car to the dealership today to have "7 or 800 hundred dollars wortha work done". They brought him back home, since it was going to be a full day's job ... and he just dashed out of here in his truck to go BACK to the dealership. They called to tell him he could come and see something up under the hood. I have no idea. But he was out of here so fast, I think it must be Catherine Zeta-Jones up under there. Oh, and now it's going to cost $1,100. I kept trying to tell him that all we needed to do is add another $110,000 and we could buy that BMW. My powers of persuasion are pitiful these days.

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We made a quick trip to Clemson yesterday, to help Emilie get her Internet back up and working. (Her laptop slid off her bed yesterday and crushed the wireless card.) Jimmy wanted to check to make sure it was just the card and not the computer that was messed up ... turns out both are broken. At least the port in the computer where the wireless card goes was messed up. He took a wireless card (?) that plugged into the USB port, and all is well for the moment.

We took Em and Adam T out to dinner ... then parted ways so that they could go and buy groceries, and we could drive back home again.

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While I was in Clemson, I began to feel sick. And felt worse and worse as the night wore on. I had all the symptoms of a raging bladder infection (UTI). When we got home, I started drinking water ... and today I feel a bit better where that is concerned. But now I have a headache, sore throat and muscle aches ... I feel like I didn't get enough sleep last night. Ugh. I'm still power-drinking the water, and trying to carry on, my wayward son.

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We did make it home in time for Jimmy to watch his new addiction: "Dancing With The Stars". There is something wrong with that boy.

"This is our lives on holiday ...."

Fast day today. And I don't even know where it went.

Emilie came by for a quick stop, in town to see her doctor. We went to On The Border for some lunch, and then she was *poof* gone again.

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I spoke to the Speech Therapist this morning on the phone. She said, after watching Grandma F at breakfast this morning, that Grandma needs to stay on "honey-thick" liquids. She was, however, going to change her from a pureed diet to "mechanical soft", which basically means no more blender food, but soft foods with ground meats. I think Grandma will enjoy that more.

She asked me what was the deal with her horrible attitude. I told her, "That's just the way it is." I planned to go in this afternoon, with an attitude of my own. I was going to tell Grandma I thought it was silly to protest so much over a few simple exercises, etc., etc. But when I got there, I found Mary Sunshine in Grandma's bed. I don't know what the heck happened, but she was all smiles and agreement today! She had been up to the bathroom (with help, of course) three times already, and was ready to go again when I got there.

After that was done, the CNA told her that the doctor wanted her out of bed as much as possible, and did she think she could stay up until after dinner. (This was about 3:15 PM.) Grandma said she thought she'd be alright with that. She sat in her wheelchair and ate half a cup of pudding that I had brought over for her. She told me that she had tried to cooperate this morning during therapy because she didn't have to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Then she drank a good amount of water, and we went for "a tour". I pushed her all around every hall in the place. We sat and watched the birds in the activity room for a little while. Her nurse, Erica, noticed her as we wheeled by and told her how good she looked today. Grandma said, "Thank you." I could hear the Twilight Zone soundtrack in my head all afternoon.

But it was good. Very, very good.

They drew blood last night to check her iron level, B12 level, and folate level. The doctor ordered this testing after reviewing her last bloodwork and seeing that her hemoglobin was low. Erica said the doc suspected anemia. She said to expect to hear some results from that late tomorrow.

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Here's a silly little quiz thing I found on another journal I read online:

What were you doing 10 years ago? Let's see ... 1996. I was living right here, with two teenagers in high school. I weighed about 30 pounds less than I do today. I was poised on the brink of an AOL addiction that would consume 5 years of my life, and almost kill my marriage and me. I was a "Band Mom", which means I went to a lot of high school football games and marching band competitions. Seems like forever ago, seems like yesterday.

What were you doing 1 year ago? Same damn thing I’m doing right now. Sitting in front of the computer and reading other people's journals. I was poised on the brink of falling off the Weight Watchers diet, and gaining back 20 of the 35 pounds I had lost. Jimmy was jetting off to Puerto Rico, and I spent time every week in a lesbian bar, listening to Adam play drums with Blue Pelican Groove. I was also dealing with a monster depression in my head.

Five snacks I enjoy: Popcorn with Parmesan cheese, chips & salsa, red grapefruit (peeled and eaten in sections like an orange), chocolate ice cream, Lay's Dill Pickle potato chips

Five songs to which I know all the lyrics: "Friends In Low Places" by Garth Brooks, "Galileo" by Indigo Girls, "Vienna" by Linda Eder, "Closer To Fine" by Indigo Girls, "Why" by Annie Lennox

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire: 1. Buy a house on the beach. No, I’d buy several houses on the beach, all together, like a compound. My kids, my sisters, everybody who's anybody to me could have a house there. 2. Buy a BMW 760 Li Sedan. In Titanuim Silver Metallic. 3. Hire someone to clean my house on a daily basis. 4. Pay off the student loans. 5. Buy another Ragdoll kitten. (or two!)

Five bad habits: 1. I bite my cuticles. (Gross, I know.) 2. I cuss like a sailor when I'm driving and other drivers annoy me. 3. I get far too upset over little things. 4. I buy things we don't need. 5. I eat for emotional reasons.

Five things I like doing: 1. Perusing the Internet. 2. Watching TV. 3. Rubbing Miss Maggie Belle's belly while burying my nose in her neck. (She tolerates this as long as a good kitty can.). 4. Reading books and magazines. 5. Cooking.

Five things I would never wear, buy or get new again: 1. I will never wear leggings again. (You're welcome.) 2. I will never buy a McDonald's milkshake again. 3. I imagine I will never have another brand new car again, at least that's what I've been told. 4. I've also been told I'll never have another brand new house again either. :-( 5. "Never" is such a strong and final word, I can't think of anything else!

Five favorite toys: 1. My Sleep Number bed 2. My laptop. 3. The Rabbit (not really mine, it belongs to Jimmy. But I'm never drinking wine again, anyway.) 4. My Dyson. 5. Mario Kart for my Game Cube.

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Gotta go now and make some turkey sandwiches for Jimmy to take to his poker game tonight. Just call me June Cleaver.

"Up on the airplane, nearer my God to thee ..."

Adam is winging it to Puerto Rico, as I type. Safe travels, son ... and have a good trip!

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Golden Globe Awards Snark:
(I know you didn't watch because you knew I'd tell you all about it.)

* Harrison Ford is too old to wear an earring. Only old rock-n-roll singers can pull that off.

* John Travolta said Pierce "Bronson". Ouch.

* Best Acceptance Speech: Steve Carell from "The Office"

* Best Dressed Female: Kiera Knightly

* Best Dressed Male: George Clooney

* Gwyneth Paltrow has adopted a fake Irish accent in the same annoying way that Madonna grew a British one. I think they both need to get over it.

* All of a sudden, I stopped liking Jamie Fox.

* Not a damn woman there wore a bra. Drew Barrymore's nipples were downright distracting.

* "Brokeback Mountain" won Best Movie, Drama.

* "I Walk The Line" won Best Movie, Musical/Comedy.

* The Desperate Housewives make me gag.

* It ended on time.

There. You can thank me for watching it for you next time you see me.

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Grandma F ate some applesauce while I was there today. I also took a small fan in, to place by her bed, in an effort to compromise on the room temperature. Her roommate gets too cold, and Grandma stays too warm.

She was really quite angry when I got there today ... "ready to chew nails", I believe she said ... over the whole therapy torture. She was feeling calmer and happier by the time I left. I wish she could just go with the flow, where the therapy is concerned. I think I remember saying that about her when she was at Shady Acres.

-----

The wind is blowing so hard again this evening ... wonder if that branch of doom hanging over the deck will finally come down tonight.

Time to start dinner.

As ever,
Me

"I have these pictures and I keep these photographs, to remind me of a time ..."

Now then.

I've been doing some thinking (warning!) and have decided that having unstructured time is a real no-no for me ... on a regular basis, anyway. A little unstructured time is good for the soul. But 24/7 unstructured is no good for me. When I was seeing a therapist last year, I began to see how it contributes to my depressive times. And besides that ... I just don't seem to ever get a damn thing done.

Which brings me to my January Lightbulb Moment: I am going to follow a schedule. Yup, I am going to get out of bed at a reasonable hour, and follow a schedule ... one which will allow me plenty of time for my Internet-perusing, reading my books, and other such "selfish" pursuits. But following this schedule will also ensure that I'm up and dressed with the rest of America, and getting some chores done too.

This probably sounds like I've lost my mind to you working-folks ... but the whole schedule thing is difficult for me. I can always find something to entertain my mind, and I can go from one time-wasting experience to the next, without so much as a passing thought toward what I SHOULD be doing.

So wish me luck. Organization and productivity can't be too far away.

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Grandma F has written another song for her famous Broadway musical, "The Physical Therapist Is The Devil." I think she's going to call it "I'm Strong Enough Now".

Today she told me all about how she didn't need to go to the therapy room ... she could do all those exercises in the hallway. I am perfecting my sympathetic "Hmmm", which I do in between each verse ... y'all should remember to ask me to do it for you the next time you see me.

She did tell me a cute story about how she lost her glasses for 3 days once, and then found them hanging in a tree outside. She had been working in the yard, and they wouldn't stay up on her nose, so she took them off and hung them in the tree. Only she forgot that part when she couldn't find her glasses. I think they call that "CRS". ;-)

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Nice weekend ... Michael and Patti came ... and when we weren't eating, we talked about food. Not good. Not good at all. But that Pasta Milano was soooo good. Twice it was good, since I ate the leftovers while I watched an old movie on TV Sunday afternoon.

The movie was "A Place In The Sun", with Montgomery Clift and Elizabeth Taylor. I enjoyed watching Shelly Winters play the poor, pregnant girl that Montgomery Clift wanted dead and gone ... never knowing (until last night) that Shelly Winters passed away on Saturday at the age of 85. I liked her in "The Poseidon Adventure", and she made me laugh as Roseanne's blustery old grandma back in the 90's.

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Carolina Panthers are on their way to the Championship game against the Seattle Seahawks next Sunday. I was worried they may not make a good showing against the Bears yesterday, but man. The Bears' quarterback was weak. And he uses too much sunscreen. (That boy is PALE.)

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Golden Globe Awards tonight ... gonna watch to see what everybody's wearing. I've been doing it since 1985, why stop now?

"I'll be back ..."

Just a quick note ...

I've decided to go back to my old routine of updating here in the late afternoon or early evening. Hopefully, it will mean I can be more productive in the morning hours of my day ... instead of sitting here trying to clear the cobwebs and write.

Y'all have a good Monday, and I'll type more later.

"Talk about things and nobody cares ..."

I was going to do this week's Friday Five, but the questions this week are crappy. I guess it's not easy to come up with five great new questions every week, but The Friday Five ain't what it used to be.

God, that sounds stupid. I'm 12.

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Jimmy got home safely last night.

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I'm going to act a bit like a housewife today, because Michael and Patti are driving up here tonight. I know it's pretty well documented what a procrastinating, lazy-ass I am ... but when faced with the prospect of "other people" coming to my house, well, I've been known to grab a dust rag. That's the plan today. That, and running over to sit with Grandma F for a while. And a quick trip to the grocery store.

-----

I sure do wish I had something else to write about so I wouldn't have to get off my butt and do all that stuff I just wrote up there.

FINE.

"You're broken when your heart's not open ..."

Just spent a very frustrating morning looking at health insurance options for Emilie. (She was dropped from our group plan on January 1st because she's 23.) From everything I've been reading, it looks like the chances of her being approved are slim to none, based on her medical history ... and even if she IS approved, she'll have a $5000 deductible, and a monthly premium equal to 2 car payments.

I should really get past all the speculation by actually talking to an agent. I filled out one of those online forms on Tuesday, and have been flooded with e-mails and phone calls since then. Maybe today I'll pick one out of the crowd and talk to them.

I did read today that Starbucks offers nice benefits to all of their employees who work over 20 hours a week. Something to keep in mind as a last resort, maybe.

-----

Speaking of jobs ... hope your 1st day at work went well, Em! I can't wait to hear the details. xo

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Heyyyy Brandy! I'd be more likely to fall for that comment you made on the last entry if I had never seen your reaction to Baby Evan's unbearable cuteness. :-) I know I'll have to wait, but I'm fairly certain I'll have a Grandbaby one day!

Also, I don't know if that last entry seemed as if I was complaining about being a Mom ... but if it did, I messed up getting my point across. Because even though life really never got around to being "normal" again after the kids were born, I would never wish to go back and change anything about my "career choice". My children made me who I am. They formed my heart. And I can't imagine my world without them in it.

So just to clarify ... I ain't complainin'!

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I didn't write yesterday because there is absolutely NOTHING going on around here. And my brain is on Winter Break ... it happens every year about this time. I can't come up with an interesting topic of conversation to save my life.

I did drive Jimmy to the airport at an ungodly hour yesterday (and will stay up late tonight to go and get him from the same place). That was about it for excitement.

I visited with Grandma F, and we read a letter from her friend back home. The wound nurse came in while I was there, and re-stressed the importance of staying off her back when she's in bed. It makes me wonder though ... what happens when the skin on her hip bones starts to break down? She is really just skin and bones now, and I'm sure all the 'side-laying' will begin to have an effect.

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I have typed and deleted so many sentences in this space over the course of the last 15 minutes ... I give up. I tried to tell you about the 3-part PBS documentary I watched this week. I wanted to tell you about the good book I'm reading. I even backspaced over a sentence describing Maggie's latest silliness.

It all seemed too boring for human consumption. Ahh ... now there's a good phrase to describe me and my life this January!

"I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve ..."

I love you too, Emilie. :-)

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Jimmy came through the door last night, with excitement in his voice ... haven't heard that in a long while. He is being sent to Texas for a 1-night stay this week. Poor man has been home for a month almost. Think of the agony!!!

-----

Patti sent me an e-mail this morning, the subject of which has been on my mind for months ...

I became a mother when I was barely grown myself ... some people have told me that I was nowhere NEAR grown at the time ... and I used to think that if I could just get past the point where they would sleep through the night, everything would settle down and get back to normal. Later I would think that once they could walk on their own ... my life would be so much easier. And surely after they started school, life would calm down a bit. About 10 years ago, I'd observe people whose children had reached young adulthood, off to college or living on their own, and think, "Wow. Now THAT must be when a parent can finally relax. "

Are you seeing the pattern of delusional thinking here?

Maybe because I started the whole thing so young, I never really grasped the concept that it's never going to be "the way it was before". I spent YEARS of my life thinking that the passage of time would make parenting easier.

As Daddy always used to say, "Too soon old, too late smart!" I think I get it now. It ain't gonna be gettin' easy. Not now. Not ever.

Now here's the timely e-mail I got this morning from Ms. Patti:

-----

Somebody said, "It takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby."
Somebody doesn't know that, once you're a Mother, "normal" is history.

Somebody said, "You learn how to be a Mother by instinct."
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said, "Being a Mother is boring."
Somebody never rode in a car being driven by a teenager with a Learner's Permit.

Somebody said, "If you're a good Mother, your child will turn out 'good'."
Somebody thinks that a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said, "Good mothers never raise their voices."
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.

Somebody said, "You don't need an education to be a Mother."
Somebody never helped her fourth-grader with math.

Somebody said, "You can't love the fifth child as much as the first."
Somebody doesn't have five children.

Somebody said, "A Mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books."
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
(Or swallow a refrigerator magnet. Right Emilie?)

Somebody said, "The hardest part of being a Mother is labor and delivery."
Somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the fist day of kindergarten ...

... or a plane headed for military boot camp.

Somebody said, "A good Mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back."
Somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said, "A Mother can stop worrying after her child gets married."
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a Mother's heartstrings.


Somebody said, "A Mother's job is done when her last child leaves home."

Somebody never had Grandchildren.

Somebody said, "Your Mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her."
Somebody isn't a Mother.

-----

Thanks Patti! :-)

"Everybody's looking for something ... "

Maggie and I are alone in the house today. That whole story of mine about how I crave "alone time"? It's bullshit.

There was no procrastination connected with Emilie's move back to Clemson, after all. We got down there, and not only did Jimmy get the water running ... he hooked up the cable TV, too. The apartment is teeny-tiny, but plenty of room for two skinny twenty-somethings. They were both freaked out to find there were no cable outlets in the bedrooms. That was the biggest crisis of the day. And oh my, how wonderful it was not to have to schlep the boxes and mattress UP a flight of stairs! All 4 years of college, she lived in a 2nd story apartment. (I shouldn't complain though ... at two of those buildings, she could have lived on the THIRD floor, and didn't.) But this time ... so nice. Straight from the parking lot, into the door.

So she didn't come back home to sleep here. And I'm OK about it . Kinda. (I miss you, Em. Take good care of yourself.)

-----

A Grandma F observation made over the last few days, and confirmed again yesterday:

She's miserable in her wheelchair. She's more comfortable, and more talkative, when she's settled back in her bed.

I got a look at the tailbone pressure sore yesterday when the nurse was changing the dressing on it. The nurse commented that it was looking so much better and, while I don't know what it looked like at the worst stage, I thought it didn't look bad at all. It looks as though it's healing, and isn't even what I would call "red". It's pinkened skin, mainly. So I don't know if that's what's causing her to be so tortured when she's sitting in her chair ... but she can barely seem to lift her head when she's sitting there. She will sloooooowly move herself back into the bed, with the CNA's help, and after much repositioning to get settled, she will seem like her old self again. Conversation-wise, anyway. She's not so much into moving around at all.

-----

Jimmy worked hard all weekend long ... Saturday, he and Adam did all the heavy lifting ... and yesterday, he re-arranged beds all day. He moved Emilie's old mattress and boxsprings to the storage room, then put one queen bed on a frame in Em's room, and another back up on the frame in Adam's old room.

I'm betting he's in some amount of discomfort this morning. :-(

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I've got 52 things I need to be doing this morning. Talk to ya later.

"I've been losing so much time ..."

Well alrighty. It's only half a moving day.

Emilie's roommate called last night to let her know the apartment won't have water until Monday. She finally got around to setting up service YESTERDAY, it would seem. Although I was under the impression that water service was never really shut off and back on again between tenants at apartment complexes ... I thought it was just transferred to a new bill. Oh well. We will find out more when we arrive down there. We decided we'd go ahead and move most of the non-essentials, especially the larger furniture today. And she can come back to sleep here until the water is working. She's not a happy camper, that one.

My procrastination wish worked!!!

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Four Things About Moi

Four Jobs I Have Had:

1. Nurse's Aide at Oak Manor Nursing Home - I washed bottoms, changed diapers, emptied foley catheter bags, recorded vital signs, and fed people through tubes they had in their noses. I got to wear a white "nurse's uniform". I was 17 years old, and had basically no training for this job. Scary, no? I'm sure the pay was super low. Thank God that the people who do this sort of work nowadays have to be trained and "certified" ... even if that sometimes means little to nothing in the care that they give. I do have a soft spot for the old folks. Each and every one was somebody's precious baby, and each and every one has a story to tell.

2. Child Care Provider - I did this right after I got married, until I was about 6 months pregnant, and then again in the mid-1980's for a year or so. In 1979, I charged $30 a week for a toddler to stay in my home all day long ($50 a week if the family had two children), and I provided toys and snacks, stories and hugs ... and potty-training. I wasn't licensed, but I was damn good at it.

3. Tupperware Lady - Oh yeah. I was THAT obnoxious. I also sold Aloette Cosmetics at the same type of home demonstration "parties". I don't think I ever made much money at either one.

4. Mom - The pay was way low, but the benefits were out of this world.

Four Movies I Would Watch Over And Over:

I watch a lot of movies over and over again, but the ones I've watched the most are:

1. Shirley Valentine - "Hiya wall." (When, oh when, will this be released on DVD?)

2. Gone With The Wind - "Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar."

3. Crimes Of The Heart - "She's so shy with men ... probably that shrunken ovary of hers."

4. Grease - "The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy."

Four Places I Have Lived:

1. Villa Rica, Georgia (March 1970 to August 1970) - We temporarily moved to my grandmother's house so that my Mom could care for our dying Grandma. I thought it it was a special kind of torture Frances thought up just for me.

2. Manchester, Georgia (June 1980 to July 1981) - Adam was born while we lived briefly in this little hole-in-the-wall.

3. Marietta, Georgia (January 1979 to June 1980) - While Jimmy finished his college education, we lived in the "nicest" trailer park in Marietta!

4. Columbus, Georgia (March 1959 to January 1979, except for that brief stay in Villa Rica -- then July 1981 to August 1988, when we loaded up the truck and moved to South Cackilacky)

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch:

1. Scrubs

2. South Park

3. The Amazing Race

4. Family Guy

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation:

1. St. Maarten (Carnival Cruise).

2. St. Thomas (same Carnival Cruise)

3. Charleston, South Carolina

4. Panama City Beach, Florida

Four Websites I Visit Daily:

1. The Hollywood Rag - It's a little scary how much I love celebrity gossip.

2. The AJ and Brandy Show - They know I'm their Number One Fan.

3. TRCH Ragdoll Forum - Crazy Ragoll owners, just like me.

4. CNN.com - Mainly to make up for all the celebrity gossip.

Four Of My Favorite Foods:

1. Really, really, really good chargrilled steak. Preferably a ribeye, medium rare.

2. California Dreaming Salad with the House Dressing

3. Chicken & Dumplings

4. Romano's Macaroni Grill Pasta Milano

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:

1. In bed

2. In my purple beach chair, with my toes in the warm surf, and a cold cocktail in my hand

3. Tailgating at a Clemson football game

4. On my own private balcony, on a cruise to anywhere

"This is a lesson in procrastination ..."

I could teach a college-level course on the subject.

I think I passed the gene on to at least one of my kiddos too.

It's not all bad. As Ellen Degeneres says in her too-funny "Here and Now" DVD:
"Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

In some ways, I see my procrastination as Nature's way of slowing things down for me. But in other ways, I see it as me wanting more ass-sitting time. In other words, laziness. After all, I do hold the title.

Of course I never procrastinate over the pleasant things in my life. It's always the crap jobs. Bill paying. Cleaning bathrooms. Cleaning anything, for that matter. Laundry. Grocery shopping. And this week, I've procrastinated over Emilie's move to Clemson. She asks me to come and keep her company while she packs boxes, and I answer, "Oh, let's do that later. I have to do (whatever) right now." Moving day is tomorrow. I wonder if I could devise a plan to make her procrastinate on it ... and move NEXT year. I'm really going to miss having her around.

-----

Grandma F has already started singing her favorite song ... it's called "I Hate Therapy". She was oh, so grumbly yesterday when I found her finishing up her time in the therapy room. And when she's unhappy about one thing, she's unhappy about EVERYTHING. Had to bite my tongue a lot with her yesterday.

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I have had the same 3 Netflix DVDs sitting on my DVD player since the week before Christmas. I bet Netflix thinks I died. Maybe it just means I'm not that interested in seeing "The Polar Express", "Hide and Seek", and some documentary about a small town in Florida. Duh. I should just mail them all back so they'll send the last few from The Sopranos, Season 5. Sounds like a plan.

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More proof of my mad procrastination skillz: My kitchen floor is still sticky.

"We're better off for all that we let in ..."

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

-----

Yesterday, I asked Grandma F what I should cook for dinner. I said I was out of ideas and needed some suggestions. She thought for half a second, and then said, "Why don't you fry up a dishrag?" When I busted out laughing, she just grinned and giggled. :-)

I met the neatest CNA. Her name is Bernadine, and she works 2nd shift. She is an older lady ... not old, but middle-aged ... which is rare in the CNA world. She seemed to truly care about Grandma and Mrs. L. She gave Grandma a choice of when she wanted to have her shower, and Grandma chose after supper. I'm sure, the way things work, she won't be with Grandma every afternoon and evening, but if I had my way, she would be.

Bernadine gave Mrs. L a bedbath behind the curtain during my visit. Mrs. L seems to get very vocal when she is being moved or tended to, so it was hard to talk at times. Grandma would just lay there and listen for something she could understand, and then she would tell me what Mrs. L had just said. Grandma said, over and over, that she didn't mind the noise Mrs. L sometimes makes. She said it was very sad that her brain had "gone bad" like that. I found out yesterday that Mrs. L's daughter comes to feed her at EVERY mealtime. Now that's devotion.

Another Grandma quote from Wednesday: "I wish I could eat a big ole candy bar. But I can't, because my sugar is all messed up." :-(

-----

Emilie went to Clemson yesterday to pay her rent, and move a few little things into the apartment. It's basically the same floorplan that she and Adam shared several years back ... same landlord, different apartment complex. Her roommate had already claimed a bedroom, so Emilie is stuck with the smaller of the two. Less floor space for dirty laundry, though ... might be a good thing.

-----

If I don't do some cleaning around here soon ... I was walking through the kitchen with bare feet this morning, and had a moment there where I feared I'd be stuck until someone came along to rescue me. Talk about a sticky spot. Ugh.

Today, mopping will take place.

Don't envy my jet-set life. OK?

"What's a fire, and why does it - what's the word? - burn? ..."

Thanks AJ, for the brain worm. I'll be singing it all day.

-----

Rough day yesterday. I was at the nursing home for almost 5 hours, getting Grandma F moved from one room to another. The move itself didn't take but about an hour, but then I waited around while she did all her therapy, and ate lunch so that I could stay with her in her new room for awhile before I left.

Her new roommate can't walk or get around on her own, so Grandma won't have to worry about this woman turning her lamp off or grabbing her call button away from her. Grandma seemed much happier with this deal. The room is brighter and neater, and feels better to me emotionally. If that makes any sense at all.

I spent some time with Grandma in the therapy room. She made me smile ... every time the therapist would give her instructions like, "Lift this one-pound bar over your head and then lower it again ... and do that 10 times, then rest" ... Grandma would do it ten times, then look over at me with a sly grin, and do it one or two more times. She'd say, "I'll give her some extra." Of course, that may backfire on her ... when the therapist got wind of it, she'd say, "Now Mrs. F, do 12 more!"

Good news from yesterday ... Grandma asked to use the bathroom twice. Before, she was just not saying anything, and letting herself be cleaned up after the fact. She seemed happy to know that she would have exclusive use of the bathroom in her room, since the roommate is incontinent. Mrs. L is her roommate, and it looks like her Alzheimer's is so progressed that she can only babble incoherantly. Grandma said that wouldn't bother her, she was so glad to get away from her former bossy roommate. Mrs. L's daughter comes in every day to feed lunch to her Mom, and she said her Mom had been at Dogwood Acres for 4 years.

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Late afternoon, I went shopping with Emilie ... we found a TV stand at Big Lots for her new apartment. (Moving day is Saturday.) :-(

Then, home to collapse. I will soon lose my title of "Laziest Woman In The South" if this keeps up.

-----

Today I need to do a load of Grandma's laundry, then I'll head over there in the afternoon ... hopefully she'll be all done with therapy and I can visit with her in her room, or maybe the sunroom right down the hall.

-----

Patti, thank you for your phone call last night. I love you.

"Days go by, I'm hypnotized ..."

Happy 2006.

We ate the obligatory collard greens and black eyed peas -- hoping the superstition works for once, and we'll have plenty of money this year. We also got Christmas put away, for the most part. The guest room bed is still piled high with empty boxes and wrapping paper, but at least the door is closed. The tree (and all it's trimmings) is boxed away in the attic for another year. I've decided to let the wreath stay on the front door until it looks tired. Right now, it's still fresh and pretty.

I was so very asleep when the New Year rolled in this morning. I think that means I'm an old lady. Our lovely neighbors did their best (as they always do) to crack a few of our window panes with the fireworks they set off. To their disappointment, I'm sure, our windows survived another New Year's Eve. Oh, the racket.

Me <--- Old.

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From the comments:
We went to see Jessica Friday night and I was reminded that in the other cases where we gave a Lampe Berger as a gift, the recipients deemed the scents too strong. They've both (Jessica and Brandy's Dad) purchased a bottle of "Neutral" oil that you can use to "cut" the scented oils so they're not so strong.

I love your picture, son. You never fail to make me smile.
Maybe I'm a weirdo (maybe?), but I don't have a problem with the scent being too strong. I love smelly-good stuff. If it ever starts to bother me, maybe I'll check out the neutral oil, or ask you about Jessica's experiment with the rubbing alcohol ... (God, I hope she doesn't blow anything up!) ... but for now, it's all good. I love my Lampey Burger. :-)

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Maggie Belle is stretched full-length here on the bed with me ... and I'm all-of-a-sudden very jealous of her conked-out state. I'm outta here. Good night.

"We'll take a cup of kindness yet ..."

I'm not doing very well with the updating, huh.

I've been "retiring" to my bed before 9 PM these last few nights ... I think to try and recover from the past week. It's been a damn doozy.

Last Friday (the 23rd for those of you taking notes) at 8:30 AM, we got a call from Shady Acres saying that Grandma F had fallen again. They were suspecting a broken hip, so an ambulance was called and she was taken to the ER. Jimmy and I got there as quick as we could, and there we stayed. My sisters were in town for Christmas, as well as my niece ... but hopefully everyone understood the seriousness of the situation. Brandy and Adam saved the day by getting snacks and dinner going for everybody before we got home. (Thanks, you two. xoxo)

There was no broken hip, but they did find extensive pneumonia in both lungs, a urinary tract infection ... and, after watching her choke everytime she tried to swallow anything, they said "nothing by mouth" until more tests could be done. She was a sick little thing for those first few days in the hospital. It was determined she was aspirating food and drink ... swallowing down her windpipe instead of her ... uhh ... food pipe. So now she can only have liquids that have been thickened. Which is really gross. Imagine you are sooo thirsty, and would kill for a nice cold glass of water. That was Grandma F in the hospital on Day 3. And what did she get? A nice cold cup of iced tea ... thickened to the consistency of buttermilk. Yum. Her food must also be a cooked to a soft, mushy state.

To cut to the chase ... yesterday, we moved her into a "skilled nursing care facility". Nursing Home, for short. I learned a lot about how the whole nursing home game works this week. Long story short: You go where they tell you to go. There's hardly ever an open bed at the "nice" places, and even the nice places are still nursing homes. Grandma F now lives at "Dogwood Acres" ... no, that's not the real name. Just trying to be safe here.

She shares a room there ... with "Ada". Ada says the same 4 sentences over and over again. Only it's all new to Ada. And even though half of the room belongs to Grandma, Ada takes just a leeeetle bit more than her half ... and she thinks she gets to decide on the lighting at night, and the temperature in the room. Pushy old thing, she is. The lady next door likes to yell for HELP. A lot. And Grandma is lying in her bed, with an oxygen tube in her nose ... asking for something to drink that's not thick. :-(

We took her clothing and some personal items over there today ... hung a few pictures on the wall. My heart is broken for her. She has 2 pressure sores from her stay in the hospital ... or maybe they were already starting at the assisted living place, I don't know. One is on her tailbone, and one is on her heel. The wound care nurse put her foot in a special boot to keep anything from touching the heel ... it's lined with sheepskin, and yet it still looks uncomfortable. Grandma said it was nice when the nurse put it on last night ... but today, she hated it.

She started talking today about letting Jimmy and Michael sell her belongings a little at the time, so she could have money to live on. I gave my usual answer ... "You don't need to worry over that. Let Jimmy and Michael take care of that." She said, "Well, I know they will ... but they need my help to think straight!" I said, "Yes ma'am, you are correct on that one." ;-)

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Christmas was a blur of hospital rooms and cooking and not enough time to do everything I wanted to. I'm sorry, y'all. I'll do better next time. I promise.

Thank you for the wonderful gifts ...

Emilie: "The Wizard Of Oz" Collector's Edition DVD Set
Adam & Brandy: Indigo Girls "Rarities" CD, a Microplane zester/grater, Dave Matthews Band "Stand Up" CD, and a Lampe Berger scent lamp, with 2 bottles of oil
Mama: A new purse (SURPRISE!), and a little crystal platter that was a wedding gift to her and Daddy back in 1955.
Kay: Indigo Girls "Rarities" CD (2 CD's means twice the fun!), and a Ragdoll Cat Calendar
Beth: A glass hurricane candle holder, with 2 candles
Josh and Lynda: Il Divo CD
Laura and Melody: Flannel PJs and some soft socks
Nena: Southern Living cookbook, a candle holder, and some homemade pear preserves
Michael and Patti: A really pretty bowl
Jimmy: A Sleep Number Bed

I bet I forgot something.

I haven't had a chance to even look at everything a 2nd time yet ... but I have been sleeping on air for the last few nights. :-)

Happy New Year, everybody. May 2006 bring us all love and blessings.

"Love and joy come to you ... "

I've been slack. So shoot me. It's Christmas.

Things are moving at warp speed around here this week. No time to sit here and write about the trivia that is my life. I'm sure I'll be back at it as soon as the Christmas Tornado passes on by.

I took Grandma F to see the doctor yesterday ... they did a chest x-ray, EKG, and drew blood. He said she had pneumonia in her right lung. :-( He showed me the x-ray so I could see what he called a tumor in the same lung. He asked how vigorously we would pursue treatment, and I told him not very. He wanted to talk to Jimmy, since he's got the POA. He prescribed antibiotic for 10 days, Lasix and potassium for a week (to bring the swelling down in her legs and feet), and a codeine cough medicine.

If I had time to sit here, I'd write the details of actually getting her to the doctor ... an adventure in patience on my part ... but I need to bake some Christmas Cake.

More later, after my house clears out again ...

Merry Christmas to all of you!!!

"Ice ice baby ..."

Word to your mother.

"Worst ice storm EVER." That's what the power company is saying. Weird part was, the roads stayed completely drivable. Well, except for the occasional tree falling on your car. The storm happened overnight on Wednesday, and most of the day on Thursday. Jimmy's office closed Thursday morning due to lack of electricity, so he was home all day. We lost our power around 8 AM. At noon, we were dressed in layers and lighting candles (it was a dark day).

At 2 PM, I was smacking myself for not buying firewood in November. We were completely OUT. By 4 PM, we were all bundled in blankets, listening to a local talk radio show, where all of Greenville was calling in to say their power was out. I have to say it felt better to hear there were many in the same boat. All this time, Emilie is at work ... CVS had freakin' power.

Around 6 PM, the sanity was slipping. Let's not forget my mother is here. Oh, and PMS has been a houseguest for about a week now, too. We listened to Christmas music on the radio, and tried to resign ourselves to the fact that it might be days before power was restored.

At 9 PM, I heard the heater begin to run, and saw lights from the kitchen ... I gave a victory yell, and said "Thank ya, Duke Power Man!!!" Frances said, "What is it??!!??" I had to explain to Miss Awareness that the power was back on. Oh, my impatience with the elderly.

So anyway, we are among the greatly blessed today, since there are still many in Greenville County without heat and lights. Our cable took a bit longer to come back, and went out again last night, but we have been warm and fine since Thursday night. Adam and Brandy had some houseguests last night ... friends of theirs who were too cold to stay at home anymore with their two little ones. Hopefully, today will see a LOT of people with heat back on again.

Grandma F's power went out for about 5 hours, maybe less. She said she never got cold, but the dark really bothered her. Jimmy took another flashlight over to her ... just about the time her lights came back on.

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From the comments:
"It's easy to get caught up in all the things that are going on but you need to takes some time on your own to decompress. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to your family/friends"

I hear you, Mr. Coward. And I appreciate you taking the time to express it. After I read your words, I thought about them for most of the day ... and I realized that "doing for others" is one of the ways I cope with my world. I'm a selfish person, you see. "Selfish, selfish girl", Frances (mother) would say to me when I was growing up. (NOW, of course, she treats me like I'm Jesus Christ's sister. I can almost do no wrong in her eyes. Go figure.)

I guess I taught myself, early on in my marriage, that the more I did for other people, the less I had to do for myself. It works. Well, most of the time. Every once in a while, I do melt down and scare little children and animals. I guess that's nature forcing me to decompress, huh.

So to answer you, Mr. Coward ... I don't do much of anything for myself. 27 years of pattern-setting is a hard habit to break. But I'll try. Thanks for stopping by.

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Yesterday I told Grandma F that if she didn't let me take her to the hair salon, people were going to start thinking she was that crazy lady with the crazy lady hair. She still refused. I really should just let it go though ... I looked over at Frances last night, and she's not too far behind. Sad part of that is: Frances washed and rolled her hair yesterday. Arghh.

Grandma's cough is bad. She asked me to wait until Monday to see if it's better before I call the doctor. She still insists it's an allergy to the Orkin Man, and said that the doctor won't know anything about treating that. Don't ya know.

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Off to the races today ... the Christmas whirlwind begins. Frances is going to make sausage balls and put them in the freezer. I'm sure the effort will wipe her out for the remainder of the day. Jimmy will probably lay around and moan a lot, since he and Adam worked all day yesterday with the chain saw, cleaning up the limbs and debris in our yard. Emilie will wake up 15 minutes before she's due at work, rush out the door, and that's all we'll see of her until tomorrow. Adam and Brandy are off to NC to celebrate Christmas with her family. And I'm gonna get up close and personal with Mr. Clean. Oh, baby.

"My screams come whispering out ..."

Today's To-Do List:

* Grocery Store -- Another "winter weather event" is forecast tonight, so I'll be right there with the other goofballs in the line at the check-out.

* Return blue jeans -- I bought a pair without trying them on first last week. I know ... dur. But they were huuuuge on me, and made me feel like I had lost 30 pounds. Only I haven't.

* Post Office -- Time to mail the Christmas Cards.

* Shady Acres -- *sigh*

* Self Control -- Try to keep the eye-rolling behind Frances' back to a bare minimum, since my seat in Hell is already reserved, and I don't want to have to move to a hotter level. Oh, my last nerve.

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"Amazing Race" Spoiler below ... use YOUR self control and don't scroll down unless you've already seen the show. I'm talking to you, Brandy. :-)

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Finally, a reality TV show ended the way I wanted it to end. Last night on "The Amazing Race", The Linz Family - the three brother and one sister team - won the million, fair and square. And those crappy Christians, The Weavers, came in third. Thanks, Jesus.

" I need to be loved for who I am, not what they want to see ..."

Let's see, let's see. There must be something new going on in my world that's worth writing about ...

I started writing online again mainly to keep Jimmy and family up on Grandma F's life, since I was the only one close by enough to see her regularly. Now it looks like Jimmy will be working in Greenville for the time being. But I guess I'll still update on her bidness so that Michael and Patti can check in occasionally to see what she's been up to.

Yesterday, she had a cough that sounded worrisome, and a deeper voice. We commented on her bad cold, and she was quick to tell us that it was no cold. She had an allergy to the Orkin Man. All that stuff he sprayed in her room last week had caused her to have all the symptoms of a bad cold. This morning she called to tell me she thought it might be wearing off, since she was feeling a little better. She also wanted me to know that she would NOT be going down the hall next week to let the podiatrist cut her toenails ... unless I was there to go along with her. "Yes, ma'am."

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Today's schedule involves a trip to Target to (hopefully) finish up the gift-buying. Then a trip to Shady Acres to put away the laundry I did last night.

My house is starting to feel grungier than normal, so maybe some cleaning today, too.

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There was a wee bit of alcohol consumed by all here on Saturday night. We had fun playing Triple Yahtzee (I lost), Pictionary (Brandy and I kicked ass), and then a few rounds of Mario Kart (I always lose that one) ... and no headache on Sunday. At least for me. I think Jimmy felt some damage, but he did drink moonshine, instead of Absolut. He's so funny when he drinks more than his usual one glass of red wine. Of course he was playing drums on the kitchen table and telling Adam to go get the bongos and cowbell before the night was over. We just ignored him this time. :-)

"What a cold and rainy day ..."

I guess I should stop getting my weather forecast from NOAA online. After I typed last night's entry, saying we'd have snow and sleet on Thursday, I went in to watch the news with Frances. John Cessarich (area weather expert) was saying we'd get nothing but afternoon rain, mixed with a little freezing rain. Maybe NOAA online is just slow on the uptake. Like me.

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I've been awake for hours, wishing I had a bottle full of Ambien ... instead of the measly 5 or 6 tablets I've got left. I'm saving those for when I REALLY need them.

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Frances received a sad phone call yesterday from a friend at home, letting her know an old friend had passed away. He had been suffering with Alzheimer's Disease for the last many years, and was in a nursing home in Athens, GA. He and his wife were close friends to my parents all through my growing-up years. I remember many late Saturday nights with the four of them laughing loudly, playing games and drinking. I hope that he's in heaven now with my Dad, playing a mean game of cribbage.

Rest in peace, Mr. G.

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"The color of the sky, as far as I can see, is coal grey.
Lift my head from the pillow and then fall again.
With a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather.
A quiver in my lips as if I might cry.
Well, by the force of will my lungs are filled and so I breathe.
Lately it seems this big bed is where I never leave.
Shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather.
Quiver in my voice as I cry,
What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away.
I hear the sound of a noon bell chime.
Now I'm far behind."

"You wouldn't listen if I talked anyway ..."

Having trouble making myself heard lately ... makes me feel powerless and out of control of my own life.

I guess it takes practice to be succesfully assertive.

And I guess I pretty much suck at it.

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Today was more Christmas shopping, and a visit with Grandma F. She was upset because the exterminators were busy at Shady Acres today ... and worked on her room while she was at lunch. Only they didn't finish in time and she had to sit in the hall while they did. She was all out of sorts because they had opened her windows, moved her refrigerator and furniture, and took TOO long. I just kept telling her she was alright ... over and over ... until I guess she took my word for it.

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Tired. A bit stressed over a new development with Jimmy's job ... still don't even know enough to decide whether or not to be concerned ... but he says, "Don't worry" ... so I won't. He'll be home tomorrow afternoon, a day earlier than planned. With snow forecast for the morning hours, and sleet for the afternoon ... his flight may run into some delays.

Goodnight.

"Blue, like the winter snow in the full moon ..."

Cold toes here tonight. Cold nose, too. Weather guy says to expect a "wintry mix" on Thursday. I better go get bread and milk before it's all gone. Hmmm ... I'd rather have a beer.

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I got some major work done today toward all the Christmas shopping. I only have about 5 more things to go out and buy ... and then I have to wait and hope that all the packages arrive on time.

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"Hired Killers" arrived right on time this morning. He took a trap up to the attic, and immediately found a chipmunk in the corner. Yesterday, we determined (with Jimmy's help) that the critter couldn't be in the fireplace ... otherwise I could see him if I opened the damper. Jimmy's idea -- that the critter was in the attic, and had either crawled or fallen in between the chimney pipe and the chimney wall, down 2 stories to the metal firebox -- proved to be correct. When the Hired Killer saw the chipmunk, he asked me for a broom ... I guess so that he could live up to his company name. Much banging around ensued. Luckily for the critter, Killer came down from the attic emptyhanded.

So now there's a trap set in the attic, and they'll be back around Friday to remove said critter. I feel better knowing nothing is going to die, trapped in my wall somewhere.

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Dinner's on ... the house smells good ... cubed steak and gravy, mashed potatoes, and green beans.

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No visit to Grandma F today ... she called to tell me to come and see her when "Bright Eyes" would let me. I have no idea what she's talking about.

"Are you and I so unalike? ..."

Something came down the chimney tonight ... and I'll tell you right now, it wasn't Santa.

I HATE SQUIRRELS!!!!!!

We've lived here since early 1989, and I figure this has got to be Squirrel #Ten that has fallen down the Chimney o' Doom. At least. And of those, eight have fallen down while Jimmy was far away in some other state or country. After the last one, I was under the impression that the chimney had been capped with an impenetrable barrier. I was mistaken. Miss Maggie Belle has been on guard in front of the hearth since early this evening, when the first scratchings and rumblings were heard. Well, I say that ... knowing that it must have made a hell of a noise as it fell ... they always do. But Frances was home alone this afternoon. And she can't hear me talking when I'm sitting right next to her.

So anyway. Grrr.

Past squirrels have fallen all the way through the damper into the fireplace. Those squirrels all escaped out the front window ... after I made barriers to the rest of the house with the furniture, removed the window screens, and shivered for hours with the windows wide open. This squirrel is holed up above the damper, and is refusing to come any further. I guess tomorrow I will call one of three "wildlife experts" in the phone book. Like I don't have anything better to do.

The last thing I need is to have wall-to-wall people at Christmas, all enjoying the odor of dead squirrel wafting through the house.

Let's put the house on the market. Please?

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Grandma F was napping with her head in her own lap, sitting on the sofa, when I arrived to visit today. It looked a bit uncomfy. I changed her sheets, cleaned up a plant that had fallen to the floor, washed dishes, and found a place for her tiny Christmas tree. She told me how to keep merengue (sp?) from falling, and we discussed, once again, how overworked all those Shady Acres helpers are.

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From the comments: "Who the hell is Ron White???"

Kay, I know you've been without a computer for months, but have you forgotten a sweet little thing called Google? If you Google "Ron White", you can learn all about him.

They call him "Tater Salad".

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Yesterday, I was forced at gunpoint to watch an hour of QVC, so I could "pick out the purse I want for Christmas." Sigh. Y'all, I don't want a purse from QVC. Earlier, she had just told me to go shopping for one on my own ... the idea of which, at this time of year, made me want to scream. But then she discovered that QVC was showing an hour of purses ... Maxx Handbags, or some such crock ... "And those are really NICE bags, you know." Dutiful daughter that I am, I picked the least ugly bag they showed. Now I get to wrap it when it gets here, and then give a happy smile when I open it on Christmas morning. Sigh, again.

After she had called in the order, she looked over at me and said, "Are you SURE that's what you wanted?" At this point, a sane person would say, "Well since you asked, no. I really don't know if I will ever use it. I just picked one to help you get your Christmas shopping done without you having to put any real effort into it."

But Mama raised me to be "sweet", and never ever say anything negative to anyone ... except your husband, of course. She modeled it well. And I wonder if I'm ever gonna break free.

Shoot, I'm headed to hell with my attitude. I guess I'll go eat worms.

"I know I tend to get so insecure ..."

I went a little nuts at CVS today. It was Employee, Family, and Friends Day ... whoo. Everything I bought was 30% off. Uhhh ... I stocked up. UP. I bought enough Nyquil for the whole family, should the flu strike. You can't ever have too much Nyquil, people.

It was drizzling and cold when we got back home ... perfect putting-up-the-Christmas-tree weather. So that's done. It would really be nice if I had a room large enough to add a Christmas tree without re-arranging all the furniture.

After trimming the tree, I introduced Frances to Ron "Tater Salad" White. I think she liked him ... though nothing close to the love and devotion I feel for the man. "COO-puns!"

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Didn't get out to Shady Acres today. Talked to her on the phone twice though. Those damned tablecloths.

"I'll be better when I'm older ..."

Even earlier ... EARLIER ... phone call this morning. Grandma F wanted to tell me that someone had found the key to her room, and they told her she should always keep it around her wrist. I reminded her that we had tried to show her how to unlock her door with the key when she moved in, and she never could do it well enough to feel comfortable. So I kept the key, as well as the key to her mailbox. Apparently I dropped them on my way out yesterday ... thank goodness someone found them and turned them in.

So now she wants to keep the door key herself. I took the mailbox key, and luckily we had already made a copy of the door key ... so I still have one of those for me to use, if needed. We practiced again today with the unlocking of the door. Still not very practical.

She wanted me to slice the caramel cake she received for her birthday, and put it into a container. Somebody please acknowledge the maturity and restraint it took for this fat girl to do that ... and not sneak a single taste. It looked incredibly good. She also wanted me to put her pumpkin pie into baggies so she could keep them in the freezer. After all the food re-arranging, we read the weekly letter from home, and laughed about how funny dreams can be. She was telling me that she had been putting on her pajamas, sitting on the sofa ... and had dozed off with one pajama leg on, and one pants leg still on. (Now that's drowsy.) She dreamed about her table-mate's little dog, and dreamed she was wrapping it in a gold chain, until it looked like it had a metal jacket on it. She was both amused and puzzled at the fact that she had dreamed about Millie's little dog.

Then I told her about my dream of Jimmy going to see the doctor, walking through the parking lot buck nekkid. She laughed pretty hard.

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This morning, I was doing a bit of Christmas shopping here at the kitchen table (thank you Internet), and looked up to see that it was 9:40 AM. Frances ALWAYS is out of bed around 8 or 8:30. This morning ... no sign of her. I sat here and got myself so worked up ... positive that she was either incapacitated with a stroke, or was lying in there, already gone. I felt sick to my stomach. I finally screwed up the courage to go and knock at her door ... and she answered immediately. I told her, next time she planned to sleep in, to leave a note or something. Damn.

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Nothing much going on around here today. Just some minor Internet shopping, and a trip to Shady Acres. Looking forward to going to bed tonight, as I dug the down comforter out of the closet earlier this afternoon. Toasty toes for me tonight!