Still waiting to hear from the Cancer Center regarding whether or not we need to drag Grandma out into the daylight tomorrow for the appointment. I actually got to speak to a live person on the phone this morning, so my hopes were raised that I might get an answer today. It's after 3 PM, and I just called again ... to be told that they'd "call me right back with an answer". Still, I believe them.
I would like to go ahead and get the trip to the skilled nursing facility over with for today though. And I'd like to be able to tell Grandma F if we're taking her to the doctor or not while I'm there. Hurry up and wait, Dawn.
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Miss Em was in town yesterday for a doctor's appointment. She was gone again before I got a good look at her though.
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If you missed it the first time it aired, Fox is re-airing the Marguerite "GARGILES AND SLYKIKS!" Perrin episode of "Trading Spouses" tomorrow night from 8 to 10 PM. I only saw the final meltdown the first time it aired, so I can't wait to see the whole thing. That Marguerite, she's a loonytoon God Warrior.
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I had to call the bank this morning to enlighten them about a mistake they made on my statement last month. My records showed the check was written for $20, and they had deducted $200 instead. They advised me to go to my local branch and speak with someone in person. Before I got in the car, I took another look at my records so I could show them everything and get my $180 back.
Uh.
So I make bookkeeping mistakes occasionally. It could happen to anyone.
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Still no call from the stupid Cancer Center. Like they have more important things to do today!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
"If there were no words, no way to speak, I would still hear you ..."
Be my Valentine, dammit!
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It's taken me several years to come to the following certainty: I hate February. It drags on and on and ON. The holidays are over, so the cold weather feels depressing. The neighborhood association dues must be paid before the end of the month. There's a forced "Be Romantic" day. The jonquils poke green shoots out of the ground, and then it snows on them. The car insurance is due. And this year, there's the Winter Olympics, too. Ugh.
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I took some flowers over to Dogwood Acres today ... a pink hyacinth for the nurse's desk, and a red rose in a vase being hugged by a stuffed pink poodle for Grandma F. She smiled. :-)
She was kidnapped today and forced to attend a Valentine's Party, where she received a handmade card and a little stuffed bear. Torture!!!
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Mark my words ... tomorrow is the 15th of February, right? It will be SIX WEEKS before it's March 1st. Stupid dragging February.
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It's taken me several years to come to the following certainty: I hate February. It drags on and on and ON. The holidays are over, so the cold weather feels depressing. The neighborhood association dues must be paid before the end of the month. There's a forced "Be Romantic" day. The jonquils poke green shoots out of the ground, and then it snows on them. The car insurance is due. And this year, there's the Winter Olympics, too. Ugh.
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I took some flowers over to Dogwood Acres today ... a pink hyacinth for the nurse's desk, and a red rose in a vase being hugged by a stuffed pink poodle for Grandma F. She smiled. :-)
She was kidnapped today and forced to attend a Valentine's Party, where she received a handmade card and a little stuffed bear. Torture!!!
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Mark my words ... tomorrow is the 15th of February, right? It will be SIX WEEKS before it's March 1st. Stupid dragging February.
Monday, February 13, 2006
"Just another day in paradise ..."
Brrrr, y'all.
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Grandma F was not in her room this afternoon ... she was still in the therapy room. (This was after 2 PM.) I waited, instead of walking around to where she was. I was pacing in the hallway when she rounded the corner, walking with a walker. When the aide said, "Look Mrs. F, there's your granddaughter," Grandma started crying. She said they had kidnapped her and the police would be picking them up later today.
She sat in her wheelchair while we waited for clean sheets for her bed. She washed her hands so we could do a manicure, and we got her nails nice and smooth again. She drank some iced tea, and settled into her clean sheeted bed ... ahhh, much happier. For some reason, she wanted to talk about her daughter today. She talked, I listened.
I got a really good hug when I left there just now.
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Hoping the snowbound ones are having a safe time on the roads today.
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A friend of Emilie's was sent off to Afghanistan yesterday. I've been thinking of him a lot today. I wish they could all just come home.
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That's all I got.
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Grandma F was not in her room this afternoon ... she was still in the therapy room. (This was after 2 PM.) I waited, instead of walking around to where she was. I was pacing in the hallway when she rounded the corner, walking with a walker. When the aide said, "Look Mrs. F, there's your granddaughter," Grandma started crying. She said they had kidnapped her and the police would be picking them up later today.
She sat in her wheelchair while we waited for clean sheets for her bed. She washed her hands so we could do a manicure, and we got her nails nice and smooth again. She drank some iced tea, and settled into her clean sheeted bed ... ahhh, much happier. For some reason, she wanted to talk about her daughter today. She talked, I listened.
I got a really good hug when I left there just now.
-----
Hoping the snowbound ones are having a safe time on the roads today.
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A friend of Emilie's was sent off to Afghanistan yesterday. I've been thinking of him a lot today. I wish they could all just come home.
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That's all I got.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
"Before I met you, I was F.I.N.E. fine ... "
Got a quick phone call from Adam and Brandy this morning. All is well in NYC. They were watching for the big snowstorm to arrive there later this afternoon, and having lunch on Broadway. I hope they are having a wonderful day!
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Quiet Saturday here ... just popped in here to show you my latest heartbreak.
Here's Steven Tyler and Joe Perry ... a few years ago, to be sure ... but looking every bit the rock 'n roll gods they are. My all-caps CRUSH has always been for Steven, but you have to admit ... Joe and his guitar are worthy. Yes.
Gorgeous.
************************************
Please explain this to me. The picture below was taken after the Grammy Awards the other night.
While Steven still looks like the crazyman I love --- Joe? What fresh hell is THAT? Is that what manorexia looks like? My heart is broken, and I am mailing him a box of homemade cookies immediately. This madness must end.
Friday, February 10, 2006
"You've done your sowin', now you can do your reapin' ..."
Friday. Woot.
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Damn you, Rascal Flatts. Why must you continually reduce me to "the ugly cry" with every song and video you release?
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Was a little disappointed last night to find out that I won't get to enjoy weekly Jeff-Probst-viewing in HD. Survivor isn't, but CSI is. All the better to see the gore and guts, my pretty.
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Grandma F was not talkative today ... cound be because I woke her from some pretty deep sleep. The room was darkened, and both ladies were far away in dreamland. I put away the clean clothes, and straightened things ... then turned on the light and woke her as gently as I could. Would have been just as easy to leave quietly, but she made me promise I wouldn't ever do that. Can she read my mind? Hmm.
The aide met me coming in and asked me to try and convince her to take her shower this evening. Of course when I brought it up, Grandma scowled and said, "That's the best way I know of to get pnuemonia. All that water in my eyes and nose and ears." Sigh.
The nurse brought her afternoon meds in ... she still refuses to take her afternoon dose of Colace. Why? Well, because she has ALWAYS taken only one of those a day. That's why. And apparently, if it didn't happen ALWAYS, it ain't happenin' now. She asked what the Aricept was for ... I told her it was to make her brain keep working right. She swallowed that one down. Just for future reference, the Lexapro is to keep her nerves healthy.
I didn't stay very long today. My cold is nasty, and I couldn't think of a darn thing to talk about. Maybe tomorrow.
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A note to Someone Special: This too shall pass. Take one day at a time, and be strong in yourself. It'll be alright! Treat yourself like the one-of-a-kind treasure that you are. And don't settle for less than you want ... or deserve. :-)
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Damn you, Rascal Flatts. Why must you continually reduce me to "the ugly cry" with every song and video you release?
"Skin"
Sarabeth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well
Since the day that she fell
And the bruise, it just won't go away
So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad
Flips through an old magazine
Till the nurse with a smile
Stands at the door
And says will you please come with me
Sarabeth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white
Something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you
Six chances in ten it won't come back again
With the therapy were gonna try
It's just been approved
It's the strongest there is
I think we caught it in time
Sarabeth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair
Sarabeth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake
For someone to take
A girl with no hair to the prom
For, just this morning right there on her pillow
Was the cruelest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny
Sarabeth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love was holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair
Its quarter to seven
That boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this mornin where his hair had been
Softly she touches just skin
And they go dancin
Around and around without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared
Was a little disappointed last night to find out that I won't get to enjoy weekly Jeff-Probst-viewing in HD. Survivor isn't, but CSI is. All the better to see the gore and guts, my pretty.
-----
Grandma F was not talkative today ... cound be because I woke her from some pretty deep sleep. The room was darkened, and both ladies were far away in dreamland. I put away the clean clothes, and straightened things ... then turned on the light and woke her as gently as I could. Would have been just as easy to leave quietly, but she made me promise I wouldn't ever do that. Can she read my mind? Hmm.
The aide met me coming in and asked me to try and convince her to take her shower this evening. Of course when I brought it up, Grandma scowled and said, "That's the best way I know of to get pnuemonia. All that water in my eyes and nose and ears." Sigh.
The nurse brought her afternoon meds in ... she still refuses to take her afternoon dose of Colace. Why? Well, because she has ALWAYS taken only one of those a day. That's why. And apparently, if it didn't happen ALWAYS, it ain't happenin' now. She asked what the Aricept was for ... I told her it was to make her brain keep working right. She swallowed that one down. Just for future reference, the Lexapro is to keep her nerves healthy.
I didn't stay very long today. My cold is nasty, and I couldn't think of a darn thing to talk about. Maybe tomorrow.
-----
A note to Someone Special: This too shall pass. Take one day at a time, and be strong in yourself. It'll be alright! Treat yourself like the one-of-a-kind treasure that you are. And don't settle for less than you want ... or deserve. :-)
Thursday, February 09, 2006
"Get down girl, go 'head, get down ..."
The Grammy Awards were on last night. And in our house, they were on in HDTV, baby. Oh yeah. Don't know if it was the crystal clear picture, or the Dolby Digital sound that did it, but Jimmy watched the whole thing with me! (He's no fun though ... every time I tried to snark, he shushed me so he could "read the bottom of the screen" ... where they were listing all the awards given off the air.)
So I came here to snark. Here's my list:
* Madonna. Oh Madge, you know I adore you. But please honey, put on some pants. Her eyes looked scary ... several times I thought of Bette Davis' Baby Jane when there would be a closeup of Madonna's face. Aging sucks. But she still has my TOTAL attention when she's on my TV screen.
* Keith Urban is just a big ole platter of yummified hotness.
* There is nothing more adorable than Kelly Clarkson. She's unpretentious, she's real, and she can sing. I loved her even more when I saw her take her purse onstage to accept her Grammys.
* Who is John Legend?
* Green Day, Record Of The Year, Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Yes.
* Sheryl Crow's chest is painfully bony.
* Ellen, introducing Paul McCartney: "This man needs no introduction." Then she left the stage. Perfect!
* When the Linkin Park guy started singing "Yesterday", I wondered if he got all nervous singing that when Paul was in the building. Then Paul walked onstage to sing it with him. I'm all about the Paul Love.
* Springsteen ... wonderful performance. Only when the camera was on his right, the way the lighting was ... well, he looked just like Bob Dylan. Not good.
* Speaking of Paul McCartney ... and why not? To this old lady, one of the highlights of the show was Paul rocking to Helter Skelter. Excellent.
* The Sly and The Family Stone tribute was a steamy mess. Sly needed a wheelchair with a neck support. His mohawk was too heavy. He tried to sing and take part in his tribute ... but eventually you could tell he was just muttering "wtf" while he shuffled offstage before the song was even over. Too funny.
* U2, the big weiners of the night. Eh.
* Kanye West. I waited all night to see the performance of Gold Digger ... love that song. I knew it would involve watching Kanye, since it's his song ... and I was willing to put up with that. I thought I was, anyway. I should have known that his GIANT EGO would ruin it for me. What an ass. I discovered that I enjoy the song on the radio ONLY. That way I don't have to see his smug "Don't I look like Jesus?" face.
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I bet Jimmy is yawning at work today.
-----
I haven't updated since Grandma F's Monday appointment at the Cancer Center. Getting her there was the biggest hurdle. When we arrived at Dogwood Acres, I could hear Grandma in her room, almost screaming "Help me, help me!!" I went in to find the poor CNA trying her best to gently get Grandma dressed and ready for her appointment. Grandma's hands were clamped around the siderails of her bed so tightly, neither one of us could get her to let go. When she saw it was me, she started crying and telling me that the CNA was trying to kidnap her. It took lots of calm talking to get her to settle down. *sigh*
The actual appointment ended up taking the entire afternoon. They drew a lot of blood, and after the doctor took an initial look at it, we were told that she's got Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. And probably has had it for a while. There won't be any treatment ... the doctor said that, even in a younger patient, there is often no treatment given for this particular cancer. He wants to see her again at the end of next week ... I need to call and find out if she really needs to be there, or if the appointment is to hear the final results of all the blood tests. Because if she really doesn't need to be there, I'm all for leaving her where she's happiest ... her bed!
When I went in yesterday, I was stopped by both a CNA and her afternoon nurse ... both wanting to tell me about her latest ornery behaviour. I told Grandma that everyone there is beginning to think she is a crabby old lady. Maybe that will snap her back into a cooperative frame of mind. I think she cares what others think and say about her.
A few days ago, one of the aides told me what they really are saying about her ... "Awww no, I've got Mrs. F again today! I just had her two days ago!" :-( Not good.
-----
Hypochondriac Update: I've got a head cold.
So I came here to snark. Here's my list:
* Madonna. Oh Madge, you know I adore you. But please honey, put on some pants. Her eyes looked scary ... several times I thought of Bette Davis' Baby Jane when there would be a closeup of Madonna's face. Aging sucks. But she still has my TOTAL attention when she's on my TV screen.
* Keith Urban is just a big ole platter of yummified hotness.
* There is nothing more adorable than Kelly Clarkson. She's unpretentious, she's real, and she can sing. I loved her even more when I saw her take her purse onstage to accept her Grammys.
* Who is John Legend?
* Green Day, Record Of The Year, Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Yes.
* Sheryl Crow's chest is painfully bony.
* Ellen, introducing Paul McCartney: "This man needs no introduction." Then she left the stage. Perfect!
* When the Linkin Park guy started singing "Yesterday", I wondered if he got all nervous singing that when Paul was in the building. Then Paul walked onstage to sing it with him. I'm all about the Paul Love.
* Springsteen ... wonderful performance. Only when the camera was on his right, the way the lighting was ... well, he looked just like Bob Dylan. Not good.
* Speaking of Paul McCartney ... and why not? To this old lady, one of the highlights of the show was Paul rocking to Helter Skelter. Excellent.
* The Sly and The Family Stone tribute was a steamy mess. Sly needed a wheelchair with a neck support. His mohawk was too heavy. He tried to sing and take part in his tribute ... but eventually you could tell he was just muttering "wtf" while he shuffled offstage before the song was even over. Too funny.
* U2, the big weiners of the night. Eh.
* Kanye West. I waited all night to see the performance of Gold Digger ... love that song. I knew it would involve watching Kanye, since it's his song ... and I was willing to put up with that. I thought I was, anyway. I should have known that his GIANT EGO would ruin it for me. What an ass. I discovered that I enjoy the song on the radio ONLY. That way I don't have to see his smug "Don't I look like Jesus?" face.
-----
I bet Jimmy is yawning at work today.
-----
I haven't updated since Grandma F's Monday appointment at the Cancer Center. Getting her there was the biggest hurdle. When we arrived at Dogwood Acres, I could hear Grandma in her room, almost screaming "Help me, help me!!" I went in to find the poor CNA trying her best to gently get Grandma dressed and ready for her appointment. Grandma's hands were clamped around the siderails of her bed so tightly, neither one of us could get her to let go. When she saw it was me, she started crying and telling me that the CNA was trying to kidnap her. It took lots of calm talking to get her to settle down. *sigh*
The actual appointment ended up taking the entire afternoon. They drew a lot of blood, and after the doctor took an initial look at it, we were told that she's got Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. And probably has had it for a while. There won't be any treatment ... the doctor said that, even in a younger patient, there is often no treatment given for this particular cancer. He wants to see her again at the end of next week ... I need to call and find out if she really needs to be there, or if the appointment is to hear the final results of all the blood tests. Because if she really doesn't need to be there, I'm all for leaving her where she's happiest ... her bed!
When I went in yesterday, I was stopped by both a CNA and her afternoon nurse ... both wanting to tell me about her latest ornery behaviour. I told Grandma that everyone there is beginning to think she is a crabby old lady. Maybe that will snap her back into a cooperative frame of mind. I think she cares what others think and say about her.
A few days ago, one of the aides told me what they really are saying about her ... "Awww no, I've got Mrs. F again today! I just had her two days ago!" :-( Not good.
-----
Hypochondriac Update: I've got a head cold.
Monday, February 06, 2006
"Could I have been anyone other than me? ..."
We went on Friday to pick up our shiny new High Definition TV Digital Cable Box. Oh, the excitement. We get five, count 'em, five channels in HDTV.
And no, ABC (Super Bowl broadcaster) isn't one of them.
-----
Adam and Brandy came and watched the game with us. We ate healthy Weight Watcher's Super Bowl food ... raw veggies, fresh fruit, grilled chicken, baked potatoes ... yay, us. It was hard to get all worked up over a football game with teams we didn't really care about. We decided to cheer for Seattle, since one of their starters was a former Clemson player. Oh well.
And the half-time show was the suck. I never was a fan of the Stones, even when they were alive. I agree with a fellow blogger, who said this morning, "How about letting the drum corps world champs do the half-time show?" Now THAT would have been a half-time show. Stupid Super Bowl planners.
Favorite Super Bowl commercial: "Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" preview. (one word: JohnnyDepp)
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My future today holds a trip to the hematologist with Grandma F. This should be fun. She was an ornery thang this weekend, refusing meds and tests willynilly. We decided that, should she refuse to go today, that we will not get upset about it. The decision is hers, and if she makes a bad one, and no amount of upset on our part can change things ... then why go through the upset? I wonder though ... when does she go from being seen as a competent adult who can make her own choices to a woman suffering from dementia who can no longer make rational choices for herself?
Because, in our minds, she's already there.
-----
My hands look like I danced with Edward Scissorhands (one word: JohnnyDepp) last night. It's like I forgot how to use a knife. I even impaled my hand on a steak knife while loading the dishwasher.
-----
I watched "Titanic" for the 47th time on Saturday night ... and cried like a baby. Again.
-----
Woke up with a sore throat today ... I'm comforted by the fact that I've felt that "coming down with something" thing for days now, and the sore throat means I'm not a total hypochondriac.
We can stop with the sore throat though. Thanks.
And no, ABC (Super Bowl broadcaster) isn't one of them.
-----
Adam and Brandy came and watched the game with us. We ate healthy Weight Watcher's Super Bowl food ... raw veggies, fresh fruit, grilled chicken, baked potatoes ... yay, us. It was hard to get all worked up over a football game with teams we didn't really care about. We decided to cheer for Seattle, since one of their starters was a former Clemson player. Oh well.
And the half-time show was the suck. I never was a fan of the Stones, even when they were alive. I agree with a fellow blogger, who said this morning, "How about letting the drum corps world champs do the half-time show?" Now THAT would have been a half-time show. Stupid Super Bowl planners.
Favorite Super Bowl commercial: "Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" preview. (one word: JohnnyDepp)
-----
My future today holds a trip to the hematologist with Grandma F. This should be fun. She was an ornery thang this weekend, refusing meds and tests willynilly. We decided that, should she refuse to go today, that we will not get upset about it. The decision is hers, and if she makes a bad one, and no amount of upset on our part can change things ... then why go through the upset? I wonder though ... when does she go from being seen as a competent adult who can make her own choices to a woman suffering from dementia who can no longer make rational choices for herself?
Because, in our minds, she's already there.
-----
My hands look like I danced with Edward Scissorhands (one word: JohnnyDepp) last night. It's like I forgot how to use a knife. I even impaled my hand on a steak knife while loading the dishwasher.
-----
I watched "Titanic" for the 47th time on Saturday night ... and cried like a baby. Again.
-----
Woke up with a sore throat today ... I'm comforted by the fact that I've felt that "coming down with something" thing for days now, and the sore throat means I'm not a total hypochondriac.
We can stop with the sore throat though. Thanks.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
"I used to think I was the only one ..."
(Oh, Raul.)
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Gray skies and bare trees ... the sight from my kitchen table today. Maybe I should take the laptop into the den so I won't be tempted to sing a sad Natalie Merchant song for you.
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Insomnia Update: I fell asleep around 3 AM this morning, and that's better than nothing. I changed my "sleep number" to a rather mashed-potato-like 35, and decided I liked it. Sorta like my own air-cocoon.
Before falling asleep, I watched Turner Classic Movies ... "Cactus Flower" with Goldie Hawn and Walter Matthau. Every year, as Oscar time grows near, TCM shows the better movies. Not that this was a "better movie", but it was one I had not seen before. Fun, in a goofy 1969 way ... I especially liked the disco scene, where everyone danced to instrumental versions of Monkees hits. Yikes.
I think I'll keep up with what TCM is showing between now and March, and record some of the better ones with Jimmy's DVD recorder ... if he'll help me figure out how to program the thing.
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It's Survivor Night! Exciting to only me, I suppose. Most of America has grown tired of The Tribe Speaking, but not me baby. Mainly I just get happy because it means I can see Jeff Probst once a week again. But this season, I'll be cheering on a hometown chick: Ruth Marie ... I can't give her total love because she's a former Gamecock, but we can't all be perfect. She's a mom, in her 40's, and she could kick my ass. Go, Ruth Marie!
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A Twilight Zone Moment, brought to you courtesy of my visit with Grandma F yesterday:
Grandma, laying in her bed and staring at the wall: "I want ... you ... to get that owl picture ... and put on the back ... Made by Geraldine in the 1980's ... and for Jimmy, James ... anytime he gets to feeling ... wary ... he can look ... and those owls ... those 3 owls will be watching. And for Dawn ... Stark (at this point she cut her eyes over to look at me really fast, to make sure I was still there listening?) Dawn Stark ... anytime she is feeling ... you know, wondering ... she can look at the three owls. They will be watching. And put on there ... For Christmas 2005 ... From Grandma."
God bless her heart, she's talking about a large piece of crewel work she did ... it has owls on a tree branch. And back at Shady Acres, she started asking me to find a large piece of white paper, so I could write something on the back of that frame for her. Now, as best as I can figure, she wanted to give it to me and Jimmy for Christmas. Awww.
Except now I won't be able to look at the 3 owls without thinking they are "watching" me.
-----
Oh God ... I hope "Survivor" isn't on at the same time as "Dancing With The Stars" ... just one more thing to come between a husband and wife!
-----
Gray skies and bare trees ... the sight from my kitchen table today. Maybe I should take the laptop into the den so I won't be tempted to sing a sad Natalie Merchant song for you.
-----
Insomnia Update: I fell asleep around 3 AM this morning, and that's better than nothing. I changed my "sleep number" to a rather mashed-potato-like 35, and decided I liked it. Sorta like my own air-cocoon.
Before falling asleep, I watched Turner Classic Movies ... "Cactus Flower" with Goldie Hawn and Walter Matthau. Every year, as Oscar time grows near, TCM shows the better movies. Not that this was a "better movie", but it was one I had not seen before. Fun, in a goofy 1969 way ... I especially liked the disco scene, where everyone danced to instrumental versions of Monkees hits. Yikes.
I think I'll keep up with what TCM is showing between now and March, and record some of the better ones with Jimmy's DVD recorder ... if he'll help me figure out how to program the thing.
-----
It's Survivor Night! Exciting to only me, I suppose. Most of America has grown tired of The Tribe Speaking, but not me baby. Mainly I just get happy because it means I can see Jeff Probst once a week again. But this season, I'll be cheering on a hometown chick: Ruth Marie ... I can't give her total love because she's a former Gamecock, but we can't all be perfect. She's a mom, in her 40's, and she could kick my ass. Go, Ruth Marie!
-----
A Twilight Zone Moment, brought to you courtesy of my visit with Grandma F yesterday:
Grandma, laying in her bed and staring at the wall: "I want ... you ... to get that owl picture ... and put on the back ... Made by Geraldine in the 1980's ... and for Jimmy, James ... anytime he gets to feeling ... wary ... he can look ... and those owls ... those 3 owls will be watching. And for Dawn ... Stark (at this point she cut her eyes over to look at me really fast, to make sure I was still there listening?) Dawn Stark ... anytime she is feeling ... you know, wondering ... she can look at the three owls. They will be watching. And put on there ... For Christmas 2005 ... From Grandma."
God bless her heart, she's talking about a large piece of crewel work she did ... it has owls on a tree branch. And back at Shady Acres, she started asking me to find a large piece of white paper, so I could write something on the back of that frame for her. Now, as best as I can figure, she wanted to give it to me and Jimmy for Christmas. Awww.
Except now I won't be able to look at the 3 owls without thinking they are "watching" me.
-----
Oh God ... I hope "Survivor" isn't on at the same time as "Dancing With The Stars" ... just one more thing to come between a husband and wife!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
"I don't mean to wake you, but I can't sleep again ..."
I thought I might watch 'W' on TV last night, but I didn't. Did I miss anything?
No?
That's what I thought.
-----
So, yeah. Insomnia. It started again in earnest during the worst of the kidney infection, but it's still hanging around this week. Our new bed is so very comfy, and I just don't understand why I can't fall asleep at a reasonable hour. I sleep OK between 5 AM and 7AM. And I can usually fall asleep again between 7 AM and 8:30 AM. But man, I have some freaky dreams in that hour and a half. It's almost not worth the extra sleep.
Surprise ... I'm whining again. What would I write about if I wasn't complaining about something?
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Grandma F was seen by the psych yesterday, and was started on 2 new drugs ... Aricept for the dementia, and Lexapro for depression. It'll take weeks, but I'll be the first to let you know if there's a change.
Jimmy visited with her yesterday after work ... his hair was still smoking when he got home. She was NOT happy. And it didn't help things when Jimmy tried to encourage her to go to therapy. "I WILL GO TO THERAPY WHEN I GET BACK TO GEORGIA!!"
Oh man, I can't wait to see her later today. :-/
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Hey, it's February.
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We watched "Crash" last weekend ... I don't think Jimmy liked it as much as I did. It took a while for me to adjust to the fast pace between seemingly-unrelated storylines. Of course, in the end, they were all related ... and the message was a good one. Loved Sandra Bullock in her role ... she made me cry.
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I have one more episode to watch from The Sopranos, Season 5. I think I'm delaying watching it so that I won't have to wait so long before Season 6 starts. In March, right? Oh, I hope it starts in March. Please let it start in March.
Tony: "Carmela, there's something I gotta confess ... what are you doing?"
Carmela: "Getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face!"
No?
That's what I thought.
-----
So, yeah. Insomnia. It started again in earnest during the worst of the kidney infection, but it's still hanging around this week. Our new bed is so very comfy, and I just don't understand why I can't fall asleep at a reasonable hour. I sleep OK between 5 AM and 7AM. And I can usually fall asleep again between 7 AM and 8:30 AM. But man, I have some freaky dreams in that hour and a half. It's almost not worth the extra sleep.
Surprise ... I'm whining again. What would I write about if I wasn't complaining about something?
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Grandma F was seen by the psych yesterday, and was started on 2 new drugs ... Aricept for the dementia, and Lexapro for depression. It'll take weeks, but I'll be the first to let you know if there's a change.
Jimmy visited with her yesterday after work ... his hair was still smoking when he got home. She was NOT happy. And it didn't help things when Jimmy tried to encourage her to go to therapy. "I WILL GO TO THERAPY WHEN I GET BACK TO GEORGIA!!"
Oh man, I can't wait to see her later today. :-/
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Hey, it's February.
-----
We watched "Crash" last weekend ... I don't think Jimmy liked it as much as I did. It took a while for me to adjust to the fast pace between seemingly-unrelated storylines. Of course, in the end, they were all related ... and the message was a good one. Loved Sandra Bullock in her role ... she made me cry.
-----
I have one more episode to watch from The Sopranos, Season 5. I think I'm delaying watching it so that I won't have to wait so long before Season 6 starts. In March, right? Oh, I hope it starts in March. Please let it start in March.
Tony: "Carmela, there's something I gotta confess ... what are you doing?"
Carmela: "Getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face!"
Monday, January 30, 2006
"Guess who's back? Back again ..."
Where the heck have YOU been?
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Alright, I know ... slacking on the updating. (Thanks for the kick in the rear, Brandy!) The main, true, real reason I haven't been writing is this: I hate to bore you good people. And there has been nothing - really, NOTHING - in my head worth sharing with sane folks lately.
I've recovered from the kidney/uti business. It was slow-going, and I will be the first to admit that I googled "Kidney Transplant" more than once. I didn't think the pain was ever going to disappear. But it did, just like it was never there to begin with.
So last week, I was pretty much useless ... pain in my back, crushing fatigue ... I was supposed to update here too? Forget that nonsense! :-)
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Em came to town today to take the GRE exam. Adam left town today to get back to the beach ... another week in Puerto Rico.
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The Wound Care Nurse pronounced Grandma F's pressure sores healed. Amen.
It was naptime when I got there today, and I don't think she ever got fully awake while I was there. Looked like good sleepin'.
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I've been playing with Pandora.com while I've been sitting at the computer today. If you like to listen to music while you're at the computer, you should check it out. (I might like it even better if I was upstairs at the "big" computer with the better speakers ... or even some headphones.)
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I'm feeling ever-so introspective these last few days. I'm sure nothing will come of it, as usual.
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Alright, I know ... slacking on the updating. (Thanks for the kick in the rear, Brandy!) The main, true, real reason I haven't been writing is this: I hate to bore you good people. And there has been nothing - really, NOTHING - in my head worth sharing with sane folks lately.
I've recovered from the kidney/uti business. It was slow-going, and I will be the first to admit that I googled "Kidney Transplant" more than once. I didn't think the pain was ever going to disappear. But it did, just like it was never there to begin with.
So last week, I was pretty much useless ... pain in my back, crushing fatigue ... I was supposed to update here too? Forget that nonsense! :-)
-----
Em came to town today to take the GRE exam. Adam left town today to get back to the beach ... another week in Puerto Rico.
-----
The Wound Care Nurse pronounced Grandma F's pressure sores healed. Amen.
It was naptime when I got there today, and I don't think she ever got fully awake while I was there. Looked like good sleepin'.
-----
I've been playing with Pandora.com while I've been sitting at the computer today. If you like to listen to music while you're at the computer, you should check it out. (I might like it even better if I was upstairs at the "big" computer with the better speakers ... or even some headphones.)
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I'm feeling ever-so introspective these last few days. I'm sure nothing will come of it, as usual.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
"Call 1 - 800 - WaaWaaWaa - WaaWaaWaaWaa ... "
I came back to un-whine.
I'm a grown-ass woman, and if I want someone to bring me something, I need to express the want, and be done with it. To expect Jimmy to pamper me when I'm sick, and read my mind about what I want for dinner ... when I didn't even really know what I wanted myself ... is immature and whiny.
Bad Dawn.
-----
I am feeling a bit better today. I did go out to see Grandma F this afternoon, and stopped by the grocery strore on the way back. After bringing the bags into the house, and getting a meatloaf in the oven, I will admit that I am done for the day. Beat. Give out. Tuckered. But that's to be expected, I guess.
Grandma F seemed happy to see me. She was angry and "ready to leave this place" though. They keep insisting she go to therapy, and she just will not consider it. An impasse.
She enjoyed some "honey-thick" lemon-flavored iced tea that I took over there for her. I ordered a case online last week, and it came today. Little 4-oz. cups that come pre-thickened ... they seem easier on the taste buds than that crap you stir into regular drinks. She said it didn't taste like tea, but it was good. We got her dentures cleaned up, and she "rinsed off" with a warm washcloth, and I brought her dirty laundry home with me. She got a letter from Shundra too, so we read that.
-----
OK ... I'm going to take it easy while I get some laundry done. Y'all have a good Tuesday night. xo
I'm a grown-ass woman, and if I want someone to bring me something, I need to express the want, and be done with it. To expect Jimmy to pamper me when I'm sick, and read my mind about what I want for dinner ... when I didn't even really know what I wanted myself ... is immature and whiny.
Bad Dawn.
-----
I am feeling a bit better today. I did go out to see Grandma F this afternoon, and stopped by the grocery strore on the way back. After bringing the bags into the house, and getting a meatloaf in the oven, I will admit that I am done for the day. Beat. Give out. Tuckered. But that's to be expected, I guess.
Grandma F seemed happy to see me. She was angry and "ready to leave this place" though. They keep insisting she go to therapy, and she just will not consider it. An impasse.
She enjoyed some "honey-thick" lemon-flavored iced tea that I took over there for her. I ordered a case online last week, and it came today. Little 4-oz. cups that come pre-thickened ... they seem easier on the taste buds than that crap you stir into regular drinks. She said it didn't taste like tea, but it was good. We got her dentures cleaned up, and she "rinsed off" with a warm washcloth, and I brought her dirty laundry home with me. She got a letter from Shundra too, so we read that.
-----
OK ... I'm going to take it easy while I get some laundry done. Y'all have a good Tuesday night. xo
"Life is bigger ..."
Can watching the Panthers die in Seattle cause a kidney infection??!
I gave in to the pain on Sunday afternoon, and asked Jimmy to drive me to one of those "doc in a box" places. There comes a time when you just know you need a damn antibiotic.
So I got one. I took the first one around 6 PM, and settled on the sofa to watch the game. Whooo. Brandy came over to watch with us, and Jimmy scrambled some eggs for our supper. Brandy said that whenever she had symptoms of a UTI, her stepmonster - er, stepdad - used to make her chug a beer ... and she would always feel better. Annie Lennox said it best ... "Who am I to disagree?" So I drank a beer. Since it was the first thing I'd had all day, it was the best Miller Lite ever. And I'll admit, I did feel better. Slightly.
Brandy gave up on the game at half-time, and as soon as she left, Jimmy fell asleep in the chair. I laid there thinking, "If we were watching ballroom dancing, he'd be awake!" After 30 minutes or so of snoozing, he decided it was time to go to bed. By then, the game was pretty hopeless ... so we closed up the fireplace and went upstairs to bed at 9:30 PM. We are old farts.
After going upstairs, I guess the beer wore off. I was in pain all night. Monday was spent wondering when the antibiotic was going to kick in. I felt "ok" ... enough that I thought I could make it through the things I needed to do. But when I'd start to do something, my strength would not show up. I felt like overcooked crap yesterday. And it only got worse as the day wore on.
I took the 2nd dose of Levaquin and waited for Jimmy to come home and "helppppp meeeee" ... only I forgot it was Jimmy coming home, and not Dr. Joe Martin from "All My Children".
We've talked about it before and we both agree ... Jimmy is not a nurturer. Jimmy wants to be left ALONE when he's sick, and he will do the same for you. I, on the other hand, will nurture you until you get well just to GET AWAY from me. And I expect the same when I'm sick. I want someone to bring me food and drink, and fluff my pillow, and hold a hand to my forehead, and look worried.
So back to yesterday ... in pain, frustrated, lonely ... poor Jimmy came home to THAT. He brought a small bag from Wendy's upstairs and asked me if I "wanted any" ... and showed me 3 small, nasty-smelling chicken nuggets. I made a face, he said, "No?" ... and he ate another one. The man brought me his leftover chicken nuggets for dinner. Then he said he had also bought a salad there too, did I want half?
Now to be fair, he HAD asked me what I wanted when I called him, crying in pain, earlier. I had said, "Nothing." This is a man who takes everything at face value. I said, "Nothing" ... he heard, "Nothing". End of discussion.
So I got nothing. When I would have loved a cheeseburger and maybe some fries. Even just fries would have made me feel cared-for. And if he had brought home chocolate ice cream, I would have felt like a princess. I know, I'm fat and don't need to be eating those things. But I was sick. And I needed some nurture, damn it. He then proceeded to leave me alone in my misery until he was ready to go to bed. (Sometimes treating people the way you want to be treated ain't the way to go.)
By that time, I was in some serious pain. Including my right kidney. Not good. (I have had one other kidney infection in my life, and I remember the pain. It was Vicodin-pain. It took weeks to feel back-to-normal.) Part of my tears last night were from the dread of going through that again, and part were from the actual misery. I was torn between heading straight to see a doctor, and the knowledge that I was already taking a strong dose of antibiotic. I knew they could give me some painkiller ... which was a really good reason to get in the car ... but it hurt so bad I didn't want to move.
Around 10 PM, I decided I'd go and call the "Nurse-Line" provided by our insurance company. I was going to ask what they thought I should do, considering I had only taken two doses of the antibiotic. I kept thinking that any minute now, it was going to kick in and I was going to be feeling better.
And as soon as I hobbled downstairs and into the kitchen ... that's exactly what happened. The kidney pain just vanished. Then I cried again because I was so relieved.
Is there an end to this long and boring-to-everyone-but-me story? No, actually. I did sleep for a 3-hour stretch last night, which is a vast improvement over the 3 nights before that. And the pain in my kidney is as good as gone ... it feels like I got punched there, really hard, about a week ago. Just the hint of a memory of pain. I can live with that. Peeing is still no fun, but that has improved, as well. Today I will take Dose 3 of 5, and hope for as dramatic a change as I got last night.
-----
On Saturday night, I watched the Miss America pageant. I used to ALWAYS watch it, back in the day. But in the last decade or more, not so much. Don't know why I settled in to watch it on Saturday, especially since it started at 11:00 PM. But I was so surprised to see that Miss Georgia was a little girl that Adam went all through school with ... elementary through high school. She went to UGA, and I guess entered the pageant stuff there. Anyway, there she was ... Monica Pang ... looking every bit like someone who could win that silly thing. She had the very best talent of all the top 5. She was poised, she was lovely. She lost to Miss Oklahoma. Monica was robbed. She's the prettiest 1st Runner-Up ever. The local news did a segment on her last night ... interviewing her teachers at the high school. They all knew she was "something special". Chuh, right.
-----
I've been feeling bad for teasing Jimmy about his gay TV habits. So I've decided to list all the ways the man I married is MANLY:
1. He knows how to fix stuff.
2. He wears Gold Bond powder.
3. He eats everything with hot sauce on it.
4. He farts and burps with pride.
5. He gets stuff from the basement or the attic when I need it.
6. He used to make stuff ... like bookshelves and tables.
7. He drives a truck. (This barely made the list. You know how I feel about that truck, Jimmy.)
8. He hates to go shopping.
9. He has supported his family, without complaining --- well, not much complaining --- for 27 years.
10. He mows the grass.
11. He takes the garbage can to the street once a week. And he brings it back in when I don't.
12. And seriously, the man knows how to fix stuff.
All of that, and he still enjoys good ballroom dancing on TV. :-)
I gave in to the pain on Sunday afternoon, and asked Jimmy to drive me to one of those "doc in a box" places. There comes a time when you just know you need a damn antibiotic.
So I got one. I took the first one around 6 PM, and settled on the sofa to watch the game. Whooo. Brandy came over to watch with us, and Jimmy scrambled some eggs for our supper. Brandy said that whenever she had symptoms of a UTI, her stepmonster - er, stepdad - used to make her chug a beer ... and she would always feel better. Annie Lennox said it best ... "Who am I to disagree?" So I drank a beer. Since it was the first thing I'd had all day, it was the best Miller Lite ever. And I'll admit, I did feel better. Slightly.
Brandy gave up on the game at half-time, and as soon as she left, Jimmy fell asleep in the chair. I laid there thinking, "If we were watching ballroom dancing, he'd be awake!" After 30 minutes or so of snoozing, he decided it was time to go to bed. By then, the game was pretty hopeless ... so we closed up the fireplace and went upstairs to bed at 9:30 PM. We are old farts.
After going upstairs, I guess the beer wore off. I was in pain all night. Monday was spent wondering when the antibiotic was going to kick in. I felt "ok" ... enough that I thought I could make it through the things I needed to do. But when I'd start to do something, my strength would not show up. I felt like overcooked crap yesterday. And it only got worse as the day wore on.
I took the 2nd dose of Levaquin and waited for Jimmy to come home and "helppppp meeeee" ... only I forgot it was Jimmy coming home, and not Dr. Joe Martin from "All My Children".
We've talked about it before and we both agree ... Jimmy is not a nurturer. Jimmy wants to be left ALONE when he's sick, and he will do the same for you. I, on the other hand, will nurture you until you get well just to GET AWAY from me. And I expect the same when I'm sick. I want someone to bring me food and drink, and fluff my pillow, and hold a hand to my forehead, and look worried.
So back to yesterday ... in pain, frustrated, lonely ... poor Jimmy came home to THAT. He brought a small bag from Wendy's upstairs and asked me if I "wanted any" ... and showed me 3 small, nasty-smelling chicken nuggets. I made a face, he said, "No?" ... and he ate another one. The man brought me his leftover chicken nuggets for dinner. Then he said he had also bought a salad there too, did I want half?
Now to be fair, he HAD asked me what I wanted when I called him, crying in pain, earlier. I had said, "Nothing." This is a man who takes everything at face value. I said, "Nothing" ... he heard, "Nothing". End of discussion.
So I got nothing. When I would have loved a cheeseburger and maybe some fries. Even just fries would have made me feel cared-for. And if he had brought home chocolate ice cream, I would have felt like a princess. I know, I'm fat and don't need to be eating those things. But I was sick. And I needed some nurture, damn it. He then proceeded to leave me alone in my misery until he was ready to go to bed. (Sometimes treating people the way you want to be treated ain't the way to go.)
By that time, I was in some serious pain. Including my right kidney. Not good. (I have had one other kidney infection in my life, and I remember the pain. It was Vicodin-pain. It took weeks to feel back-to-normal.) Part of my tears last night were from the dread of going through that again, and part were from the actual misery. I was torn between heading straight to see a doctor, and the knowledge that I was already taking a strong dose of antibiotic. I knew they could give me some painkiller ... which was a really good reason to get in the car ... but it hurt so bad I didn't want to move.
Around 10 PM, I decided I'd go and call the "Nurse-Line" provided by our insurance company. I was going to ask what they thought I should do, considering I had only taken two doses of the antibiotic. I kept thinking that any minute now, it was going to kick in and I was going to be feeling better.
And as soon as I hobbled downstairs and into the kitchen ... that's exactly what happened. The kidney pain just vanished. Then I cried again because I was so relieved.
Is there an end to this long and boring-to-everyone-but-me story? No, actually. I did sleep for a 3-hour stretch last night, which is a vast improvement over the 3 nights before that. And the pain in my kidney is as good as gone ... it feels like I got punched there, really hard, about a week ago. Just the hint of a memory of pain. I can live with that. Peeing is still no fun, but that has improved, as well. Today I will take Dose 3 of 5, and hope for as dramatic a change as I got last night.
-----
On Saturday night, I watched the Miss America pageant. I used to ALWAYS watch it, back in the day. But in the last decade or more, not so much. Don't know why I settled in to watch it on Saturday, especially since it started at 11:00 PM. But I was so surprised to see that Miss Georgia was a little girl that Adam went all through school with ... elementary through high school. She went to UGA, and I guess entered the pageant stuff there. Anyway, there she was ... Monica Pang ... looking every bit like someone who could win that silly thing. She had the very best talent of all the top 5. She was poised, she was lovely. She lost to Miss Oklahoma. Monica was robbed. She's the prettiest 1st Runner-Up ever. The local news did a segment on her last night ... interviewing her teachers at the high school. They all knew she was "something special". Chuh, right.
-----
I've been feeling bad for teasing Jimmy about his gay TV habits. So I've decided to list all the ways the man I married is MANLY:
1. He knows how to fix stuff.
2. He wears Gold Bond powder.
3. He eats everything with hot sauce on it.
4. He farts and burps with pride.
5. He gets stuff from the basement or the attic when I need it.
6. He used to make stuff ... like bookshelves and tables.
7. He drives a truck. (This barely made the list. You know how I feel about that truck, Jimmy.)
8. He hates to go shopping.
9. He has supported his family, without complaining --- well, not much complaining --- for 27 years.
10. He mows the grass.
11. He takes the garbage can to the street once a week. And he brings it back in when I don't.
12. And seriously, the man knows how to fix stuff.
All of that, and he still enjoys good ballroom dancing on TV. :-)
Saturday, January 21, 2006
"Hearts and thoughts, they fade away ..."
Rainy Saturday here in South Carolina. At the moment, I am stranded here ... Jimmy took my car to the dealership today to have "7 or 800 hundred dollars wortha work done". They brought him back home, since it was going to be a full day's job ... and he just dashed out of here in his truck to go BACK to the dealership. They called to tell him he could come and see something up under the hood. I have no idea. But he was out of here so fast, I think it must be Catherine Zeta-Jones up under there. Oh, and now it's going to cost $1,100. I kept trying to tell him that all we needed to do is add another $110,000 and we could buy that BMW. My powers of persuasion are pitiful these days.
-----
We made a quick trip to Clemson yesterday, to help Emilie get her Internet back up and working. (Her laptop slid off her bed yesterday and crushed the wireless card.) Jimmy wanted to check to make sure it was just the card and not the computer that was messed up ... turns out both are broken. At least the port in the computer where the wireless card goes was messed up. He took a wireless card (?) that plugged into the USB port, and all is well for the moment.
We took Em and Adam T out to dinner ... then parted ways so that they could go and buy groceries, and we could drive back home again.
-----
While I was in Clemson, I began to feel sick. And felt worse and worse as the night wore on. I had all the symptoms of a raging bladder infection (UTI). When we got home, I started drinking water ... and today I feel a bit better where that is concerned. But now I have a headache, sore throat and muscle aches ... I feel like I didn't get enough sleep last night. Ugh. I'm still power-drinking the water, and trying to carry on, my wayward son.
-----
We did make it home in time for Jimmy to watch his new addiction: "Dancing With The Stars". There is something wrong with that boy.
-----
We made a quick trip to Clemson yesterday, to help Emilie get her Internet back up and working. (Her laptop slid off her bed yesterday and crushed the wireless card.) Jimmy wanted to check to make sure it was just the card and not the computer that was messed up ... turns out both are broken. At least the port in the computer where the wireless card goes was messed up. He took a wireless card (?) that plugged into the USB port, and all is well for the moment.
We took Em and Adam T out to dinner ... then parted ways so that they could go and buy groceries, and we could drive back home again.
-----
While I was in Clemson, I began to feel sick. And felt worse and worse as the night wore on. I had all the symptoms of a raging bladder infection (UTI). When we got home, I started drinking water ... and today I feel a bit better where that is concerned. But now I have a headache, sore throat and muscle aches ... I feel like I didn't get enough sleep last night. Ugh. I'm still power-drinking the water, and trying to carry on, my wayward son.
-----
We did make it home in time for Jimmy to watch his new addiction: "Dancing With The Stars". There is something wrong with that boy.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
"This is our lives on holiday ...."
Fast day today. And I don't even know where it went.
Emilie came by for a quick stop, in town to see her doctor. We went to On The Border for some lunch, and then she was *poof* gone again.
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I spoke to the Speech Therapist this morning on the phone. She said, after watching Grandma F at breakfast this morning, that Grandma needs to stay on "honey-thick" liquids. She was, however, going to change her from a pureed diet to "mechanical soft", which basically means no more blender food, but soft foods with ground meats. I think Grandma will enjoy that more.
She asked me what was the deal with her horrible attitude. I told her, "That's just the way it is." I planned to go in this afternoon, with an attitude of my own. I was going to tell Grandma I thought it was silly to protest so much over a few simple exercises, etc., etc. But when I got there, I found Mary Sunshine in Grandma's bed. I don't know what the heck happened, but she was all smiles and agreement today! She had been up to the bathroom (with help, of course) three times already, and was ready to go again when I got there.
After that was done, the CNA told her that the doctor wanted her out of bed as much as possible, and did she think she could stay up until after dinner. (This was about 3:15 PM.) Grandma said she thought she'd be alright with that. She sat in her wheelchair and ate half a cup of pudding that I had brought over for her. She told me that she had tried to cooperate this morning during therapy because she didn't have to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Then she drank a good amount of water, and we went for "a tour". I pushed her all around every hall in the place. We sat and watched the birds in the activity room for a little while. Her nurse, Erica, noticed her as we wheeled by and told her how good she looked today. Grandma said, "Thank you." I could hear the Twilight Zone soundtrack in my head all afternoon.
But it was good. Very, very good.
They drew blood last night to check her iron level, B12 level, and folate level. The doctor ordered this testing after reviewing her last bloodwork and seeing that her hemoglobin was low. Erica said the doc suspected anemia. She said to expect to hear some results from that late tomorrow.
-----
Here's a silly little quiz thing I found on another journal I read online:
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Gotta go now and make some turkey sandwiches for Jimmy to take to his poker game tonight. Just call me June Cleaver.
Emilie came by for a quick stop, in town to see her doctor. We went to On The Border for some lunch, and then she was *poof* gone again.
-----
I spoke to the Speech Therapist this morning on the phone. She said, after watching Grandma F at breakfast this morning, that Grandma needs to stay on "honey-thick" liquids. She was, however, going to change her from a pureed diet to "mechanical soft", which basically means no more blender food, but soft foods with ground meats. I think Grandma will enjoy that more.
She asked me what was the deal with her horrible attitude. I told her, "That's just the way it is." I planned to go in this afternoon, with an attitude of my own. I was going to tell Grandma I thought it was silly to protest so much over a few simple exercises, etc., etc. But when I got there, I found Mary Sunshine in Grandma's bed. I don't know what the heck happened, but she was all smiles and agreement today! She had been up to the bathroom (with help, of course) three times already, and was ready to go again when I got there.
After that was done, the CNA told her that the doctor wanted her out of bed as much as possible, and did she think she could stay up until after dinner. (This was about 3:15 PM.) Grandma said she thought she'd be alright with that. She sat in her wheelchair and ate half a cup of pudding that I had brought over for her. She told me that she had tried to cooperate this morning during therapy because she didn't have to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Then she drank a good amount of water, and we went for "a tour". I pushed her all around every hall in the place. We sat and watched the birds in the activity room for a little while. Her nurse, Erica, noticed her as we wheeled by and told her how good she looked today. Grandma said, "Thank you." I could hear the Twilight Zone soundtrack in my head all afternoon.
But it was good. Very, very good.
They drew blood last night to check her iron level, B12 level, and folate level. The doctor ordered this testing after reviewing her last bloodwork and seeing that her hemoglobin was low. Erica said the doc suspected anemia. She said to expect to hear some results from that late tomorrow.
-----
Here's a silly little quiz thing I found on another journal I read online:
What were you doing 10 years ago? Let's see ... 1996. I was living right here, with two teenagers in high school. I weighed about 30 pounds less than I do today. I was poised on the brink of an AOL addiction that would consume 5 years of my life, and almost kill my marriage and me. I was a "Band Mom", which means I went to a lot of high school football games and marching band competitions. Seems like forever ago, seems like yesterday.
What were you doing 1 year ago? Same damn thing I’m doing right now. Sitting in front of the computer and reading other people's journals. I was poised on the brink of falling off the Weight Watchers diet, and gaining back 20 of the 35 pounds I had lost. Jimmy was jetting off to Puerto Rico, and I spent time every week in a lesbian bar, listening to Adam play drums with Blue Pelican Groove. I was also dealing with a monster depression in my head.
Five snacks I enjoy: Popcorn with Parmesan cheese, chips & salsa, red grapefruit (peeled and eaten in sections like an orange), chocolate ice cream, Lay's Dill Pickle potato chips
Five songs to which I know all the lyrics: "Friends In Low Places" by Garth Brooks, "Galileo" by Indigo Girls, "Vienna" by Linda Eder, "Closer To Fine" by Indigo Girls, "Why" by Annie Lennox
Five things I would do if I were a billionaire: 1. Buy a house on the beach. No, I’d buy several houses on the beach, all together, like a compound. My kids, my sisters, everybody who's anybody to me could have a house there. 2. Buy a BMW 760 Li Sedan. In Titanuim Silver Metallic. 3. Hire someone to clean my house on a daily basis. 4. Pay off the student loans. 5. Buy another Ragdoll kitten. (or two!)
Five bad habits: 1. I bite my cuticles. (Gross, I know.) 2. I cuss like a sailor when I'm driving and other drivers annoy me. 3. I get far too upset over little things. 4. I buy things we don't need. 5. I eat for emotional reasons.
Five things I like doing: 1. Perusing the Internet. 2. Watching TV. 3. Rubbing Miss Maggie Belle's belly while burying my nose in her neck. (She tolerates this as long as a good kitty can.). 4. Reading books and magazines. 5. Cooking.
Five things I would never wear, buy or get new again: 1. I will never wear leggings again. (You're welcome.) 2. I will never buy a McDonald's milkshake again. 3. I imagine I will never have another brand new car again, at least that's what I've been told. 4. I've also been told I'll never have another brand new house again either. :-( 5. "Never" is such a strong and final word, I can't think of anything else!
-----
Gotta go now and make some turkey sandwiches for Jimmy to take to his poker game tonight. Just call me June Cleaver.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
"Up on the airplane, nearer my God to thee ..."
Adam is winging it to Puerto Rico, as I type. Safe travels, son ... and have a good trip!
-----
Golden Globe Awards Snark:
(I know you didn't watch because you knew I'd tell you all about it.)
* Harrison Ford is too old to wear an earring. Only old rock-n-roll singers can pull that off.
* John Travolta said Pierce "Bronson". Ouch.
* Best Acceptance Speech: Steve Carell from "The Office"
* Best Dressed Female: Kiera Knightly
* Best Dressed Male: George Clooney
* Gwyneth Paltrow has adopted a fake Irish accent in the same annoying way that Madonna grew a British one. I think they both need to get over it.
* All of a sudden, I stopped liking Jamie Fox.
* Not a damn woman there wore a bra. Drew Barrymore's nipples were downright distracting.
* "Brokeback Mountain" won Best Movie, Drama.
* "I Walk The Line" won Best Movie, Musical/Comedy.
* The Desperate Housewives make me gag.
* It ended on time.
There. You can thank me for watching it for you next time you see me.
-----
Grandma F ate some applesauce while I was there today. I also took a small fan in, to place by her bed, in an effort to compromise on the room temperature. Her roommate gets too cold, and Grandma stays too warm.
She was really quite angry when I got there today ... "ready to chew nails", I believe she said ... over the whole therapy torture. She was feeling calmer and happier by the time I left. I wish she could just go with the flow, where the therapy is concerned. I think I remember saying that about her when she was at Shady Acres.
-----
The wind is blowing so hard again this evening ... wonder if that branch of doom hanging over the deck will finally come down tonight.
Time to start dinner.
As ever,
Me
-----
Golden Globe Awards Snark:
(I know you didn't watch because you knew I'd tell you all about it.)
* Harrison Ford is too old to wear an earring. Only old rock-n-roll singers can pull that off.
* John Travolta said Pierce "Bronson". Ouch.
* Best Acceptance Speech: Steve Carell from "The Office"
* Best Dressed Female: Kiera Knightly
* Best Dressed Male: George Clooney
* Gwyneth Paltrow has adopted a fake Irish accent in the same annoying way that Madonna grew a British one. I think they both need to get over it.
* All of a sudden, I stopped liking Jamie Fox.
* Not a damn woman there wore a bra. Drew Barrymore's nipples were downright distracting.
* "Brokeback Mountain" won Best Movie, Drama.
* "I Walk The Line" won Best Movie, Musical/Comedy.
* The Desperate Housewives make me gag.
* It ended on time.
There. You can thank me for watching it for you next time you see me.
-----
Grandma F ate some applesauce while I was there today. I also took a small fan in, to place by her bed, in an effort to compromise on the room temperature. Her roommate gets too cold, and Grandma stays too warm.
She was really quite angry when I got there today ... "ready to chew nails", I believe she said ... over the whole therapy torture. She was feeling calmer and happier by the time I left. I wish she could just go with the flow, where the therapy is concerned. I think I remember saying that about her when she was at Shady Acres.
-----
The wind is blowing so hard again this evening ... wonder if that branch of doom hanging over the deck will finally come down tonight.
Time to start dinner.
As ever,
Me
Monday, January 16, 2006
"I have these pictures and I keep these photographs, to remind me of a time ..."
Now then.
I've been doing some thinking (warning!) and have decided that having unstructured time is a real no-no for me ... on a regular basis, anyway. A little unstructured time is good for the soul. But 24/7 unstructured is no good for me. When I was seeing a therapist last year, I began to see how it contributes to my depressive times. And besides that ... I just don't seem to ever get a damn thing done.
Which brings me to my January Lightbulb Moment: I am going to follow a schedule. Yup, I am going to get out of bed at a reasonable hour, and follow a schedule ... one which will allow me plenty of time for my Internet-perusing, reading my books, and other such "selfish" pursuits. But following this schedule will also ensure that I'm up and dressed with the rest of America, and getting some chores done too.
This probably sounds like I've lost my mind to you working-folks ... but the whole schedule thing is difficult for me. I can always find something to entertain my mind, and I can go from one time-wasting experience to the next, without so much as a passing thought toward what I SHOULD be doing.
So wish me luck. Organization and productivity can't be too far away.
-----
Grandma F has written another song for her famous Broadway musical, "The Physical Therapist Is The Devil." I think she's going to call it "I'm Strong Enough Now".
Today she told me all about how she didn't need to go to the therapy room ... she could do all those exercises in the hallway. I am perfecting my sympathetic "Hmmm", which I do in between each verse ... y'all should remember to ask me to do it for you the next time you see me.
She did tell me a cute story about how she lost her glasses for 3 days once, and then found them hanging in a tree outside. She had been working in the yard, and they wouldn't stay up on her nose, so she took them off and hung them in the tree. Only she forgot that part when she couldn't find her glasses. I think they call that "CRS". ;-)
-----
Nice weekend ... Michael and Patti came ... and when we weren't eating, we talked about food. Not good. Not good at all. But that Pasta Milano was soooo good. Twice it was good, since I ate the leftovers while I watched an old movie on TV Sunday afternoon.
The movie was "A Place In The Sun", with Montgomery Clift and Elizabeth Taylor. I enjoyed watching Shelly Winters play the poor, pregnant girl that Montgomery Clift wanted dead and gone ... never knowing (until last night) that Shelly Winters passed away on Saturday at the age of 85. I liked her in "The Poseidon Adventure", and she made me laugh as Roseanne's blustery old grandma back in the 90's.
-----
Carolina Panthers are on their way to the Championship game against the Seattle Seahawks next Sunday. I was worried they may not make a good showing against the Bears yesterday, but man. The Bears' quarterback was weak. And he uses too much sunscreen. (That boy is PALE.)
-----
Golden Globe Awards tonight ... gonna watch to see what everybody's wearing. I've been doing it since 1985, why stop now?
I've been doing some thinking (warning!) and have decided that having unstructured time is a real no-no for me ... on a regular basis, anyway. A little unstructured time is good for the soul. But 24/7 unstructured is no good for me. When I was seeing a therapist last year, I began to see how it contributes to my depressive times. And besides that ... I just don't seem to ever get a damn thing done.
Which brings me to my January Lightbulb Moment: I am going to follow a schedule. Yup, I am going to get out of bed at a reasonable hour, and follow a schedule ... one which will allow me plenty of time for my Internet-perusing, reading my books, and other such "selfish" pursuits. But following this schedule will also ensure that I'm up and dressed with the rest of America, and getting some chores done too.
This probably sounds like I've lost my mind to you working-folks ... but the whole schedule thing is difficult for me. I can always find something to entertain my mind, and I can go from one time-wasting experience to the next, without so much as a passing thought toward what I SHOULD be doing.
So wish me luck. Organization and productivity can't be too far away.
-----
Grandma F has written another song for her famous Broadway musical, "The Physical Therapist Is The Devil." I think she's going to call it "I'm Strong Enough Now".
Today she told me all about how she didn't need to go to the therapy room ... she could do all those exercises in the hallway. I am perfecting my sympathetic "Hmmm", which I do in between each verse ... y'all should remember to ask me to do it for you the next time you see me.
She did tell me a cute story about how she lost her glasses for 3 days once, and then found them hanging in a tree outside. She had been working in the yard, and they wouldn't stay up on her nose, so she took them off and hung them in the tree. Only she forgot that part when she couldn't find her glasses. I think they call that "CRS". ;-)
-----
Nice weekend ... Michael and Patti came ... and when we weren't eating, we talked about food. Not good. Not good at all. But that Pasta Milano was soooo good. Twice it was good, since I ate the leftovers while I watched an old movie on TV Sunday afternoon.
The movie was "A Place In The Sun", with Montgomery Clift and Elizabeth Taylor. I enjoyed watching Shelly Winters play the poor, pregnant girl that Montgomery Clift wanted dead and gone ... never knowing (until last night) that Shelly Winters passed away on Saturday at the age of 85. I liked her in "The Poseidon Adventure", and she made me laugh as Roseanne's blustery old grandma back in the 90's.
-----
Carolina Panthers are on their way to the Championship game against the Seattle Seahawks next Sunday. I was worried they may not make a good showing against the Bears yesterday, but man. The Bears' quarterback was weak. And he uses too much sunscreen. (That boy is PALE.)
-----
Golden Globe Awards tonight ... gonna watch to see what everybody's wearing. I've been doing it since 1985, why stop now?
"I'll be back ..."
Just a quick note ...
I've decided to go back to my old routine of updating here in the late afternoon or early evening. Hopefully, it will mean I can be more productive in the morning hours of my day ... instead of sitting here trying to clear the cobwebs and write.
Y'all have a good Monday, and I'll type more later.
I've decided to go back to my old routine of updating here in the late afternoon or early evening. Hopefully, it will mean I can be more productive in the morning hours of my day ... instead of sitting here trying to clear the cobwebs and write.
Y'all have a good Monday, and I'll type more later.
Friday, January 13, 2006
"Talk about things and nobody cares ..."
I was going to do this week's Friday Five, but the questions this week are crappy. I guess it's not easy to come up with five great new questions every week, but The Friday Five ain't what it used to be.
God, that sounds stupid. I'm 12.
-----
Jimmy got home safely last night.
-----
I'm going to act a bit like a housewife today, because Michael and Patti are driving up here tonight. I know it's pretty well documented what a procrastinating, lazy-ass I am ... but when faced with the prospect of "other people" coming to my house, well, I've been known to grab a dust rag. That's the plan today. That, and running over to sit with Grandma F for a while. And a quick trip to the grocery store.
-----
I sure do wish I had something else to write about so I wouldn't have to get off my butt and do all that stuff I just wrote up there.
FINE.
God, that sounds stupid. I'm 12.
-----
Jimmy got home safely last night.
-----
I'm going to act a bit like a housewife today, because Michael and Patti are driving up here tonight. I know it's pretty well documented what a procrastinating, lazy-ass I am ... but when faced with the prospect of "other people" coming to my house, well, I've been known to grab a dust rag. That's the plan today. That, and running over to sit with Grandma F for a while. And a quick trip to the grocery store.
-----
I sure do wish I had something else to write about so I wouldn't have to get off my butt and do all that stuff I just wrote up there.
FINE.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
"You're broken when your heart's not open ..."
Just spent a very frustrating morning looking at health insurance options for Emilie. (She was dropped from our group plan on January 1st because she's 23.) From everything I've been reading, it looks like the chances of her being approved are slim to none, based on her medical history ... and even if she IS approved, she'll have a $5000 deductible, and a monthly premium equal to 2 car payments.
I should really get past all the speculation by actually talking to an agent. I filled out one of those online forms on Tuesday, and have been flooded with e-mails and phone calls since then. Maybe today I'll pick one out of the crowd and talk to them.
I did read today that Starbucks offers nice benefits to all of their employees who work over 20 hours a week. Something to keep in mind as a last resort, maybe.
-----
Speaking of jobs ... hope your 1st day at work went well, Em! I can't wait to hear the details. xo
-----
Heyyyy Brandy! I'd be more likely to fall for that comment you made on the last entry if I had never seen your reaction to Baby Evan's unbearable cuteness. :-) I know I'll have to wait, but I'm fairly certain I'll have a Grandbaby one day!
Also, I don't know if that last entry seemed as if I was complaining about being a Mom ... but if it did, I messed up getting my point across. Because even though life really never got around to being "normal" again after the kids were born, I would never wish to go back and change anything about my "career choice". My children made me who I am. They formed my heart. And I can't imagine my world without them in it.
So just to clarify ... I ain't complainin'!
-----
I didn't write yesterday because there is absolutely NOTHING going on around here. And my brain is on Winter Break ... it happens every year about this time. I can't come up with an interesting topic of conversation to save my life.
I did drive Jimmy to the airport at an ungodly hour yesterday (and will stay up late tonight to go and get him from the same place). That was about it for excitement.
I visited with Grandma F, and we read a letter from her friend back home. The wound nurse came in while I was there, and re-stressed the importance of staying off her back when she's in bed. It makes me wonder though ... what happens when the skin on her hip bones starts to break down? She is really just skin and bones now, and I'm sure all the 'side-laying' will begin to have an effect.
-----
I have typed and deleted so many sentences in this space over the course of the last 15 minutes ... I give up. I tried to tell you about the 3-part PBS documentary I watched this week. I wanted to tell you about the good book I'm reading. I even backspaced over a sentence describing Maggie's latest silliness.
It all seemed too boring for human consumption. Ahh ... now there's a good phrase to describe me and my life this January!
I should really get past all the speculation by actually talking to an agent. I filled out one of those online forms on Tuesday, and have been flooded with e-mails and phone calls since then. Maybe today I'll pick one out of the crowd and talk to them.
I did read today that Starbucks offers nice benefits to all of their employees who work over 20 hours a week. Something to keep in mind as a last resort, maybe.
-----
Speaking of jobs ... hope your 1st day at work went well, Em! I can't wait to hear the details. xo
-----
Heyyyy Brandy! I'd be more likely to fall for that comment you made on the last entry if I had never seen your reaction to Baby Evan's unbearable cuteness. :-) I know I'll have to wait, but I'm fairly certain I'll have a Grandbaby one day!
Also, I don't know if that last entry seemed as if I was complaining about being a Mom ... but if it did, I messed up getting my point across. Because even though life really never got around to being "normal" again after the kids were born, I would never wish to go back and change anything about my "career choice". My children made me who I am. They formed my heart. And I can't imagine my world without them in it.
So just to clarify ... I ain't complainin'!
-----
I didn't write yesterday because there is absolutely NOTHING going on around here. And my brain is on Winter Break ... it happens every year about this time. I can't come up with an interesting topic of conversation to save my life.
I did drive Jimmy to the airport at an ungodly hour yesterday (and will stay up late tonight to go and get him from the same place). That was about it for excitement.
I visited with Grandma F, and we read a letter from her friend back home. The wound nurse came in while I was there, and re-stressed the importance of staying off her back when she's in bed. It makes me wonder though ... what happens when the skin on her hip bones starts to break down? She is really just skin and bones now, and I'm sure all the 'side-laying' will begin to have an effect.
-----
I have typed and deleted so many sentences in this space over the course of the last 15 minutes ... I give up. I tried to tell you about the 3-part PBS documentary I watched this week. I wanted to tell you about the good book I'm reading. I even backspaced over a sentence describing Maggie's latest silliness.
It all seemed too boring for human consumption. Ahh ... now there's a good phrase to describe me and my life this January!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
"I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve ..."
I love you too, Emilie. :-)
-----
Jimmy came through the door last night, with excitement in his voice ... haven't heard that in a long while. He is being sent to Texas for a 1-night stay this week. Poor man has been home for a month almost. Think of the agony!!!
-----
Patti sent me an e-mail this morning, the subject of which has been on my mind for months ...
I became a mother when I was barely grown myself ... some people have told me that I was nowhere NEAR grown at the time ... and I used to think that if I could just get past the point where they would sleep through the night, everything would settle down and get back to normal. Later I would think that once they could walk on their own ... my life would be so much easier. And surely after they started school, life would calm down a bit. About 10 years ago, I'd observe people whose children had reached young adulthood, off to college or living on their own, and think, "Wow. Now THAT must be when a parent can finally relax. "
Are you seeing the pattern of delusional thinking here?
Maybe because I started the whole thing so young, I never really grasped the concept that it's never going to be "the way it was before". I spent YEARS of my life thinking that the passage of time would make parenting easier.
As Daddy always used to say, "Too soon old, too late smart!" I think I get it now. It ain't gonna be gettin' easy. Not now. Not ever.
Now here's the timely e-mail I got this morning from Ms. Patti:
-----
Somebody said, "It takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby."
Somebody doesn't know that, once you're a Mother, "normal" is history.
Somebody said, "You learn how to be a Mother by instinct."
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
Somebody said, "Being a Mother is boring."
Somebody never rode in a car being driven by a teenager with a Learner's Permit.
Somebody said, "A Mother can stop worrying after her child gets married."
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a Mother's heartstrings.
Somebody said, "A Mother's job is done when her last child leaves home."
-----
Thanks Patti! :-)
-----
Jimmy came through the door last night, with excitement in his voice ... haven't heard that in a long while. He is being sent to Texas for a 1-night stay this week. Poor man has been home for a month almost. Think of the agony!!!
-----
Patti sent me an e-mail this morning, the subject of which has been on my mind for months ...
I became a mother when I was barely grown myself ... some people have told me that I was nowhere NEAR grown at the time ... and I used to think that if I could just get past the point where they would sleep through the night, everything would settle down and get back to normal. Later I would think that once they could walk on their own ... my life would be so much easier. And surely after they started school, life would calm down a bit. About 10 years ago, I'd observe people whose children had reached young adulthood, off to college or living on their own, and think, "Wow. Now THAT must be when a parent can finally relax. "
Are you seeing the pattern of delusional thinking here?
Maybe because I started the whole thing so young, I never really grasped the concept that it's never going to be "the way it was before". I spent YEARS of my life thinking that the passage of time would make parenting easier.
As Daddy always used to say, "Too soon old, too late smart!" I think I get it now. It ain't gonna be gettin' easy. Not now. Not ever.
Now here's the timely e-mail I got this morning from Ms. Patti:
-----
Somebody said, "It takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby."Somebody doesn't know that, once you're a Mother, "normal" is history.
Somebody said, "You learn how to be a Mother by instinct."Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
Somebody said, "Being a Mother is boring."Somebody never rode in a car being driven by a teenager with a Learner's Permit.
Somebody said, "If you're a good Mother, your child will turn out 'good'."
Somebody thinks that a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
Somebody thinks that a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
Somebody said, "Good mothers never raise their voices."
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window.
Somebody said, "You don't need an education to be a Mother."
Somebody never helped her fourth-grader with math.
Somebody never helped her fourth-grader with math.
Somebody said, "You can't love the fifth child as much as the first."
Somebody doesn't have five children.
Somebody doesn't have five children.
Somebody said, "A Mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books."
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
(Or swallow a refrigerator magnet. Right Emilie?)
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
(Or swallow a refrigerator magnet. Right Emilie?)
Somebody said, "The hardest part of being a Mother is labor and delivery."
Somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the fist day of kindergarten ...
Somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the fist day of kindergarten ...
... or a plane headed for military boot camp.
Somebody said, "A good Mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back."
Somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
Somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
Somebody said, "A Mother can stop worrying after her child gets married."Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a Mother's heartstrings.
Somebody said, "A Mother's job is done when her last child leaves home."Somebody never had Grandchildren.
Somebody said, "Your Mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her."
Somebody isn't a Mother.
Somebody isn't a Mother.
-----
Thanks Patti! :-)
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