Thursday, February 22, 2007

"Her face is a map of the world ..."

Another day ... BEEP BEEP BEEP. The weather is supposed to be very nice indeed today, so I'm planning to take a walk to escape from the noise for a bit.


Tomorrow I have my official 9 Month Appointment with Dr. Bour. When I went in at 6 months, his assistant Katie gave me a tiny bit of grief that I wasn't losing "fast enough". She said I should have lost a certain percentage of my excess body weight by that point, and I hadn't. I was feeling quite crappy after talking with her, because I was feeling pretty good about things until she opened her mouth. When Dr. Bour came in, he did nothing but praise my progress. I asked him if I was losing too slowly, or if I was behind in my progress ... and he said "HELL NO!" So I don't know why Katie gave me such a hard time, but now I'm already dreading seeing her tomorrow.

I've been at the same weight for over a week now ... I really can't remember how long I've seen the same number on the scale every morning. And because I weigh on a different scale in his office, AND with regular clothes on, I always weigh anywhere from 3 to 5 pounds heavier there.

The good news is, according to my scale (and in my nightgown), I have lost 110 pounds since my operation ... and 131 since last February. And if I could ever stop comparing myself to others in my support group, who are younger than me and losing FASTER than me, I could feel 100% of that incredible accomplishment. I'm 22 pounds away from the goal Dr. Bour set for me. My mind can't even wrap around that fact ... that I'm 22 pounds away from "normal". After 27 years of being way above "normal", this is all uncharted territory!

(I would also faint dead away if I ever got a sincere compliment from my husband. He told me a few weeks ago, that he didn't feel he needed to tell me I'm getting smaller, or that I look pretty ... after all, isn't that why I had the surgery? Isn't that what I expected to happen? .... *Is that how ALL engineers think??* I decided, after that little exchange, to stop wishing he'd tell me I look good. Maybe I'll hear it one of these days from a complete stranger.)

Bad news? The skin. Oy. It's wrinkled. And "hangy". And I can hide the majority of it in clothes, thank God. And the main wrinkled hangy that's on public display at all times ... my turkey waddle ... has almost stopped being an issue for me. I have ALMOST reached an acceptance point with my chin and neck area. Maybe because I can't see it, unless I'm looking in a mirror? And the belly wrinkles, and the ass wrinkles, and the old lady boobs (sorry, kids) ... they can all be hidden under clothes. My one BIG issue is .............. my inner thighs. They look like melted candles. Like elephant skin. Like gravity was just increased 75%. (sigh)

I'm planning a fun trip to Myrtle Beach on my birthday weekend with 7 other Upstate WLS girls ... and we're meeting a bunch of other WLS folks from eastern SC while we're there. For the most part, I'm excited and looking forward to it. I don't think I've ever taken a trip by myself (unless it was to visit family), so this will be a new experience for me. And I really DO want to wear a bathing suit. The hotel we're staying in has a huge indoor pool area with multiple hot tubs, and even an indoor "lazy river" ... which sounds like it would be the perfect place to sip on an all-day cocktail.

So anyway, the bathing suit shopping MUST commence. As much as I dread it, I have to get out there and find something I can live with.

All this, and a shaved head, too. EEEK!

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