Monday, April 10, 2006

"It's hard to say it, time to say it -- goodbye, goodbye ..."

Here I sit, a normal Monday morning ... and I don't know what to do with myself. It feels totally foreign to NOT be going to see Grandma F today.

The funeral was Saturday morning, in her hometown in south Georgia. The flowers were pretty, the stormy weather held off until we were ready to head back home again, and the time with family and friends was needed and treasured. Grandma had planned everything before she got sick, and we didn't have to make any decisions about her funeral. She had even chosen the songs to be sung. All we really had to do was show up.

On the afternoon of her death, I was there. I do have the assurance that she went peacefully and with no pain, because I saw it with my own eyes. We had all told her in our own ways that it was alright for her to go. But in the last moments of her life, there I was ... tears flowing onto her hands, and begging her not to go yet. I thought I would feel only relief when her death came ... relief for her, and for us. But instead all I feel is loss. It's really hard to say goodbye.

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze and starts
for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come
to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says;
"There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull
and spar as she was when she left my side
and she is just as able to bear her
load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone
at my side says, "There, she is gone!"
There are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad
shout; "Here she comes!"
And that is dying.

We are all better people for having known her.

Thank you, Grandma.


Sunday, Jimmy and I went to check out the kids' brand new house. We helped a bit ... Jimmy helped hang a ceiling fan in the bedroom, and install the washer and dryer. I went shopping with Brandy for a few things they needed, and then unpacked a box or two. The house is oh, so nice. Spacious, clean, and beautiful. Even the things they had in the apartment look new all over again in the larger rooms. I'm very happy for my kiddos, and proud of them, too.


Speaking of kiddos ... Emilie, you are enough. Don't ever forget that. I love you.


Amy said...

Hi Dawn,
Not sure if you remember me, but I am Amy, Brandy's cousin from Huntersville. Please know that our family is thinking and praying for your family. We know that this is a very hard time. Please let us know if there is anything at all that we can do.

Dawn said...

Hi Amy,
Of course I remember you!
Thank you so much for taking time to leave such sweet thoughts here. Your prayers and your thoughts are very much needed and appreciated.
Feel free to pop in here again soon, and say hello. :-)
Thanks again, Amy.