"Sick sick bit, just can't quit ..."

"American Idol" spoilers ahead ... that's my official warning to you slowpokes who haven't seen the show this week. Now I'm covered. No whining. (Good LORD, the things I do for you people. I do and do and DO.)

Anyway, was it just Emilie and me who were aghast and slightly disillusioned when TWO of the three judges (the musical "experts", remember?) had no idea who 311 was? I understand some of us elderly folks in the world DO fall behind on the latest trends ... it's hard to keep up with what's hot right now --- wearing your hoodie "hood" on your head or not ... purse the size of a small piece of luggage?? ... bald women?? ... Chuck Taylors or flipflops?? -- all that and I still have to remember to take my Geritol and eat prunes. It's too much.

Back to AI. So Tuesday night, out jumps Blake, and he starts singing "All Mixed Up" by 311. I sat up in my chair, and said, "HEY! It's a popular song! Finally!!!" I get so sick of hearing all the older stuff. (Although my Mama feels exactly the opposite ... when she recognizes the song, like that one time Fantasia sang "Summertime" ... she's so happy. All the other stuff, she's hearing it for the first time.)

So Blake did a 311 song that's "only" about 10 years old ... and RANDY (the judge who knows everything) says, "New song to me Dawg ... I'm not familiar with that one ... blah blah blah." Em and I looked at each other with confusion, but we knew Paula would straighten him out. Paula said, "Yeah ... don't know that song at all .... but you looked great singing it ... blah blah blah."

Wha?? I can't even remember what Simon said, because I was now deep into trying to figure it out. Aren't those three supposed to be all up in the popular music scene? I've lost faith in Paula Abdul, y'all. I was standing strong beside her as she was raked over the "she's on painkillers, she can't sit up, she's slurring her words" coals. I was still her girl. Maybe I was a little jealous. Dunno. Now I'm forced to rethink my Paula-love. Disillusioned, I tell ya.

Sick. I'm sick. American Idol watchin' is the The Devil. Save me, y'all.

Oh. oh. oh! Thank you America, for sending that Antonella chicka packing last night. She chose the one song that's so damn easy to sing, even I sound good when I sing along with it in the car. To quote the brilliant Simon: "You've gone as far as you can go in this competition". Penthouse, here she comes.

But America. WHYYYYYYY is that little boy/girl Sanjaya still sitting there? I know he's young, and I know his hair is better than mine ever was or will be. But damn. To get rid of Sundance just because he tried and failed at a Pearl Jam song was so harsh. He got extra credit from me, just for singing something from Pearl Jam. It brightened my night considerably, amidst all the Stevie Wonder and John Mayer. Don't get me wrong, I love me some John Mayer. Only I don't like Sanjaya singing it. (shiver)

It's bound to happen, but I'll be sad to see the local boy, Chris Sligh, get the boot one of these days. Aside from the fact that I'm getting the vibe that he wears a "WWJD" belt buckle, he seems like a fun guy, and I hope he goes far in the competition.

Here's my expert opinion on the Final Two: Melinda Doolittle and Lakisha Jones. They are both amazing. On Wednesday night, I watched Melinda's entire performance with my mouth slightly hanging open ... so fixated was I on her totally polished and professional TALENT. If another Taylor Hicks wins this year, I don't know what I'll do. Don't mess this up again, America. Fuckers.