"Drive until you lose the road ..."

Grandbaby-In-Progress Report:

Tiny bones in Baby's ears are in place this week. The backbone (along with the back muscles) is stronger now — strong enough, in fact, to enable Baby to work on straightening his or her head and neck even more. Baby's crown-to-rump measurement is between four and five inches in length, and weight is hovering around three ounces. Eyebrows and eyelashes, fingernails and toenails are all growing. In the next few weeks, Baby's movements will be felt by Mom! More developed facial muscles may lead to various expressions, such as squinting and frowning.

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It took 3 painters about 4 hours to completely paint the master bedroom and bathroom yesterday ... walls, windows, doors, and trim. It feels great to have it done. Now I'm forced to wait until I'm finished with helping my Mom before I can get started on replacing the carpet.

Hurry up and wait ... story of my life.

Went out yesterday afternoon and got new blinds for the windows, towel rods, faucet, light fixture and drawer pulls for the bathroom. Updates are good, especially after 18 years of the same old stuff.

"I just need time to walk it off ..."

I need another weekend to recover from my weekend.

We made it to GA in time for the visitation at the funeral home. It was good to see Laura ... and a bit surreal to see my cousins. How they've aged in the last 15 years! Meanwhile, I have stayed exactly the same. Yup.

The funeral on Saturday was as nice as a funeral can be. Even more cousins ... even more aging.


We drove home Saturday night after lots of hugs from family members we won't see again until the next funeral.


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On Sunday, Emilie and I spent a couple of hours at Freedom Weekend Aloft. We went mainly to see the Disc Dogs. We also saw lots of people spending money on worthless crap. And we got really hot. (89 degrees and sunny plus a crowded, un-airconditioned shuttle bus between parking and FWA fun equals My First "Eww I'm Hot And Sweaty" Moment of Summer 2007".)


Memorial Day was a flurry. Emilie joined me at Friend Kathy's house for a cookout. Lots of friends came, and the tables overflowed with food. Very nice time ... although, between the hike in the sun on Sunday and the time in the sun at Kathy's, now my scalp is red. It's so charming when it peels, too.


Did a little shopping after the cookout, came home and cooked out some more. The food was better at Kathy's. My grill needs an exorcism. I had 3 great steaks, and within 5 minutes (on low!), they were blackened beyond recognition. Ruined.


I spent the evening preparing for the painter. He called yesterday to say he'd be here early today. Whoo hoo!


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And so, today I have 3 painters in my bedroom. Happy to report, they are working like mad.


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I forgot to mention that Jimmy is suffering through a bout with the flu. He spent yesterday in bed, and would probably be there today, if it weren't for the painters. He's infecting the kitchen now, but will hopefully spend the good part of the day in the guest room. Emilie is planning a trip to the lake house in 10 days, and my Mom is depending on me to be there for her knee surgery a week from yesterday. Neither one of us wants to deal with the flu! We've begged him to keep his mucous to himself. We want him quarantined.

"Things we cannot change ..."

Irene Payne's obituary

Em and I are heading to GA in a bit. We'll return after the funeral tomorrow. Jimmy's flight arrives from Puerto Rico tonight, he'll be forced to fend for himself until we get back.

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Still no painter. I spoke to him on Tuesday, and he said he'd "try" to get out here in the next few days. Whatever.

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Safe and happy cruising, Adam & Brandy. Yes, I'm jealous ... but I'm also really happy that you both have a chance to get away. I hope you love the Glory as much as I did! Emilie and I will take care of the Fat Cat while you are gone, so no worries about home. See you when you return!

"A change would do you good ..."

What a difference a year makes.

All week long I been doing the “This time last year I was…” thing.

This time last year I was in a lot of pain. I had no idea I'd be in ICU before the night was done. Emilie was telling me last night about how she felt that night a year ago, when they came back from dinner to find me unconscious, with a blood oxygen level of 20. I'm incredibly lucky that my surgeon was there in the hospital that night. I owe an awful lot to the man who rerouted my digestive tract. I believe he also saved my life. (I hope I can still say this in 25 years ... I hope the long-term effects of malabsorption don't prove to be a deal-breaker.)

The fact that I spent almost a month in the hospital ... the fact that I had to make it through countless days of "NPO" (Nothing by mouth. Nothing.) ... the fact that I had to endure IV nutrition, a chest tube, pneumonia ... none of those facts change THIS fact:

This time last year I weighed more than 300 pounds. And today I weigh 179. (Hopefully on my way to 168 or so.)

It might take years for my brain to get used to this.

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Of course, I was told before the surgery that at, or around, the one-year mark is where the REAL work would begin. I'm talking about the fight against regaining. The body is remarkable in its ability to adapt. My intestines will begin-- and probably have already started -- to absorb more calories from the food I eat. I will have to practice portion-control, because my "pouch" will get bigger as time goes by.

In other words, the further out I am from the gastric bypass surgery, the harder I will have to work to maintain the weight loss.

Just like everybody else.

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No news about my Aunt today. She's in a lot of pain. I know her children are, too.

(Thanks, Amy. xo)

"Clarity, peace, serenity ..."

(The pictures on yesterday's post were taken during Emilie's trip to Ohio last week.)

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I got a new cell phone yesterday. This happens about every two years, as I become eligible for a much-reduced price to replace my current phone. My husband HATES this ... he thinks everything ought to last forever. But after two years, it's fun to get the latest bells and whistles.

Only it takes this old lady months to learn how to use new bells and whistles.

My New Toy:

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Mom called me late yesterday afternoon to tell me that my Aunt Irene is dying. She's been in the hospital or in rehab since just after the New Year, recovering from heart bypass surgery ... and it's been a grim picture since then. But really, none of us were prepared for the news the doctors gave my cousin yesterday ... that my aunt's organs and systems were shutting down, and there's no hope for a recovery. She's on a respirator, and my cousin made the decision yesterday to keep her there, until the other kids could make it there to say goodbye to their Mom. I'm thinking it's only a matter of days now.

My mother is worrying about Uncle Charles (Mom's brother). He has Parkinson's Disease, is in his 80's now, and is about as feeble and frail as you can get. I know that losing his wife of over 50 years will hit him pretty hard.

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When I was a child, Aunt Irene always made me feel inadequate. We were the Poor Relations of the family. They lived in a much nicer home and neighborhood than we did, and my cousins got to do all the activities that we did not: tennis lessons, horseback riding, gymnastics, etc.

But we were always together on the holidays, and sleepovers at my cousins' house were common. She gave a bridal shower for me when I married Jimmy. She kept up on Family News, and has never failed to send me a card when I was sick or in the hospital.

I know now that most of my feelings of inadequacy came from my own head. While Aunt Irene came across as snobby and judgemental, she really was just dealing with her own demons. Aren't we all?

Our family will be a lot smaller without her.

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I realized last night that I have nothing to wear to a funeral. My wardrobe consists (literally) of several pairs of jeans, and a couple of khaki crop pants. Today I will find a decent dress.

"Everything around her is a silver pool of light ..."

"Born under a bad sign ..."

If there are any Canadians lurking aboot, Happy Victoria Day. (I'm so glad my son isn't there to help you celebrate.)

Speaking of traveling family-members ... Jimmy arrived safely in Puerto Rico last night. Living near the airport has definitely been a convenience over the last 18 years of his travels with his job.

Em's flying in from Ohio tonight. Sounds like the wedding was unbelievable, and I can't wait to hear all the details.

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Yow. Last night's Sopranos episode had me in tears. I may have cried over a scene or two before, but I don't remember it. AJ's suicide attempt was some powerful acting, for both Gandolfini and Iler. When Tony said, "You're alright, baby", I was wrecked.

Of course, there were the usual chuckles -- Little Carmine talking about T's "alteration" with Coco (ouch, that hurt) ... and "... on the edge of a precipice at a major crossroads" ... Sil reading "How To Clean Practically Anything". Classic.

Carmela wins the title of Queen of All Hypocrites with her line, "Do you know what it's like to spend day after day with someone who is constantly complaining?" Sheesh, Carm. Dur.

Sad that there won't be an episode next Sunday. Sadder still to realize I'll be in GA when the final two episodes air. And apparently, they don't offer HBO in Columbus GA.*** I will have to drive to LaGrange to watch it with Sister Laura, I guess. That, or I'll have to pay my husband to NOT ERASE the DVR before I can get back home to see it. Crap.

(*** Of course HBO is offered in Columbus ... it's just that neither Sister Kay or my mother subscribes.)

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The usual mundane Monday activities are on tap for today. You?

"She's got the power to be ..."

10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color: I usually say green, but I like blue, too.
Favorite Food: Shrimp. Or steak. Or carrot cake.
Favorite Month: October
Favorite Song: Right now, it’s "Love Today" by MIKA.
Favorite Movie: Shirley Valentine. It's FINALLY been released on DVD. Yay!
Favorite Sport: College football ... Go Tigers!
Favorite Season: Fall
Favorite Day of the week: Wednesday. (I picked that one out of the hat, can you tell?)
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Coffee. Or Butter Pecan. Or Blue Bell Banana Pudding.
Favorite Time of Day: 3:24.

9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: Anxious.
Current Taste: Peppermint aftertaste.
Current Clothes: Blue jeans, lime green shirt (Talbots size 3x, and yeah, it's too big).
Current Desktop: The blue, blue sky with the green, green grass that came with my computer.
Current Toenail Color: Some hot pinkish-reddish stuff from my last pedicure at Tips & Toes.
Current Time: 2:42 PM.
Current Surroundings: Adam's Room ... will we ever stop calling it that? It's really now a guest room/computer room/treadmill room.
Current Thoughts: "My digestive tract is so screwed up. I should probably just stop eating altogether."

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: Andrea Corman ... the first Jewish person I ever knew. I thought she was SO lucky to have matzo bread in her house.
First Kiss: Jimmy LaPaz. Ew.
First Screen Name: Zora59.
First Pet: Tico, the Siamese-mix kitten ... who was smooshed under a car tire, after Andrea Corman's parent's party guest left their house one Saturday night in 1966.
First Piercing: Ears, in 1971 or so ... a neighbor did it for me. She numbed my ears first by having me clip a clothespin on each ear until I couldn't feel my lobes anymore. Then she poked a sewing needle through them, and put a pair of earrings in. It's a wonder I didn't die.
First Crush: Bobby Sherman, 1970. Actually I had a crush on Batman, as played by Adam West, several years before that. Yikes!
First CD: I don’t remember. But my first 45 RPM record was "These Boots Are Made For Walking" by Nancy Sinatra.

7 LASTS
Last Coffee: I haven't had coffee in a few weeks. I have no idea why.
Last Drink: I have a huge glass of ice water right here next to me.
Last Car Ride: Yesterday. I drove to the tanning bed, and back home again.
Last Kiss: I haven't had my last kiss yet.
Last Movie Seen: I woke up at 3:30 AM today and couldn't go back to sleep, so I went downstairs and watched Notes On A Scandal. I thought it was scandalously good.
Last Phone Call: Emilie called from Ohio this morning.

6 HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: Nope.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yep.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Nope.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Nope.
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yep.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: Nope.

5 THINGS
Thing You’re Wearing: Did we not just cover this one up there in the "9 Currents" section?
Thing You’ve Done Today: Laundry.
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: "Hung Up" by Madonna, on my earphones.
Thing You Can’t Live Without: My iPod (of course I could live without it. I just don’t care to try.)
Thing You Do When You’re Bored: Catch up on my DVR'ed stuff.

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY
1. The bathroom.
2. The family room.
3. The laundry room.
4. The deck.

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
1. Jimmy.
2. Laura.
3. Kay.

2 CHOICES
1. Black or White: I love black, but man ... the cat hair really shows.
2. Hot or Cold: Hot (First time in my life, I prefer hot to cold now. I have lost my insulation.)

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
I'd like to attend my grandchild's 40th birthday party.

"Don't burn the day away ..."

My week is disappearing at warp speed. Whatever that is.

I returned the rental contract for our week at the beach in September today. I tell you, it's the carrot that is dangling in front of my nose lately ... the idea of a whole week at the ocean with my favorite people. September 15 can't get here soon enough. And there better be no damn hurricanes that week.

Does this not look like a little piece of heaven? It does to me ....

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Still waiting on a darn painter to e-mail his estimate. How long could it take?

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Poker night for the engineers tonight. This has been a week of "no cooking" for me, and I have to admit, it's not that bad.

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More lyrics from a Dave Matthews Band song that spoke to me during my treadmill time this morning:

Come sister, my brother

Shake up your bones, shake up your feet

I'm saying open up

And let the rain come flooding in

Wash out this tired notion

That the best is yet to come

But while you're dancing on the ground

Don't think of when you're gone

Love, love, love, what more is there?

'Cause we need the light of love in here

Don't beat your head

Dry your eyes

Let the love in there

There're bad times

But that's okay

Just look for love in it

"Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life ..."

I'm so sadistic. After an entire week of daily posts, I decided to leave you hanging until Wednesday afternoon for your "What Dawn's Worrying About Today" update.

Sorry 'bout that. Where were we?

Oh yeah ... quiet weekend. We had dinner at Adam & Brandy's house on Saturday night, to celebrate Mother's Day. Sunday, Jimmy and I got a few extra pieces of furniture out of our bedroom, down the stairs and OUT of the house. That felt good. Then I sat my ass in front of the television and watched "The Queen" and "The Pursuit Of Happyness". Enjoyed both of them, but I think I liked "The Queen" a little bit more than the other one.

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I've had two painters come by to look at the bedroom and bath ... still waiting to hear back from one with his estimate. My hope is that maybe the painting will be done by the end of next week.

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Em's off in Ohio this week ... and I miss her! She's called a few times, and is having a really nice time though, so I'm happy she was able to make the trip. She's in love with the town of Dublin, Ohio. And a particular young man who calls that his hometown.

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Got a call from my Mom this morning ... her knee replacement will happen on Monday, June 4th. I guess I need to start making arrangements now ... I told her I would come for the surgery, and stay for as long as she needs me to be there afterwards.

... I will survive.

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Baby Update:

Head to bottom, the baby is about 3 1/2 inches long — about the length of a lemon — and weighs about 1 1/2 ounces. Baby's body is growing faster than its head, which now sits upon a more well-defined neck. By the end of this week, the arms will have lengthened and will be in proportion to the rest of the body. (Baby's legs still have some growing to do, though.) Baby is starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair all over its body (called lanugo). The liver starts secreting bile this week, a sign that it's already functioning properly, and the spleen starts contributing to the production of red blood cells. Baby's also producing and discharging urine into the amniotic fluid, a normal process that will continue until birth. Mom still can't feel the baby's movements, but the hands and feet (which are now half an inch long) are more flexible and active. Thanks to brain impulses, little facial muscles are getting a workout as Baby squints, frowns, and grimaces. Baby can grasp now, too, and may be able to suck a thumb.

I wonder if Little Bit has any CLUE how much he or she is already loved.

"To love them so much it hurts ..."

Amy. thanks for the wonderful comment you left me on yesterday's entry. You are the best. :-)

And heyyyy Dianne! Thanks for letting me know about your doc ... We are going to try out the group that Adam & Brandy use, since they are right down the road from us. Hope to see you soon, Friend.

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This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's alright honey, Mommy's here."


Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.


This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.


For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.


And all the mothers who DON'T.


This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see.


And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.


And for the mothers who lost their baby in that precious 9 months that they will never get to watch grow on earth, but one day will be reunited with in Heaven.


This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.


And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?", they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.


This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner.


And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.


This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies.


And for all the mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.


This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.


For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."


This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school.


And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.


This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook, and their daughters to sink a jump shot.


This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.


This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.


This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.


This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or children, and gave their time, attention, and love ... sometimes totally unappreciated.


For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.


For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.


For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.


This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.


What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?


Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?


The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?


The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?


Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?


The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation ... and mature mothers learning to let go.


For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.


Single mothers and married mothers.


Mothers with money, mothers without.


This is for you all. For all of of us.

(Author Unknown)



Happy Mother's Day.

"I could be wholesome, I could be loathsome ..."

I swear to you this: Learning to "let go" is one of the, if not the, hardest lesson life is trying to teach me. I don't know if all parents have such a difficult time with the whole "I'm A Mom, But My Kids Are Adults 101", but holy crap. I ride the short bus to school every day for this class.

Add to the mix the fact that I've lost almost 140 pounds in the last year, and am struggling to figure out why this has changed some aspects of my personality, and left others exactly where they've always been. I feel "younger" and a little more "part of the world" than I did for the last 20 years. But I have to stop and think about how weirded-out I'd be if Frances started wanting to go out with friends every weekend, or listening to hip-hop, or using language that'd make a sailor blush. I'd be angry. And even at my advanced age, I'd want her to get back in the Mom Box. That's where she's always been, damnit, and that's who she is to me. (Speaking of Frances, she saw an orthopedic surgeon yesterday, and will have her knee replacement surgery sometime in the next six weeks. She'll learn the exact date in the next week or so.)

And then I always seem to be adding the cherry on top: I can't stop with the advice-giving. My kids are adults. I raised them well. They don't want -- or need -- the constant hints and tips on "How To Live Your Best Life".

Gaaaaah. I'm hopeless. I'm really sorry yesterday was so crappy, Em. I won't stop trying.

I need to start doing my homework so I can finally pass this class.

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Amy, my primary care doc is a disappointment, in every way.

I keep saying I'm going to find a new one, but let's not forget: I'm the Queen Of Procrastination in all things. Anyway, he's basically useless with the medical stuff ... one of the reasons it's been over a year since I've even been to his office. The last time I did see him, he was sending me to Weight Watchers, and trying different anti-depressants, so I thought he'd be blown away by my weight loss.

I should have known. He played it very cool, telling me I looked good, in his monotone-doctor-voice ... AFTER I told him I'd had weight loss surgery. I guess, in hindsight, it wouldn't have been very professional of him to come in and say, "JESUS! You lost weight!", like I wanted him to do. Heh.

He asked how I liked my surgeon, saying he had several patients who needed the surgery, but he didn't know about any of the surgeons around here. WHA??? I mean, you're a physician in an area that has THREE surgeons who do this type of surgery. If you had patients who "need it", why wouldn't you take an hour or two and FIND THE FUCK OUT??!! (There I go with the non-Mom language. Sorry.)

He was nice, but he lived up to his reputation of "useless". I couldn't even count on him for a little excited reaction to my weight loss. Maybe he feels the same way my husband does: "Hey, isn't that what the surgery was SUPPOSED to do??!!"

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Heyyyyy Melissa!

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Finally: Whew. Blake and his beatbox survived to sing another week.

"The path of least resistance is catching up with me again today ..."

That was the worst episode of American Idol I've ever seen. Barry Gibb has not aged well, "blessch hissch heart". He reminded me of the SNL-version of Sean Connery. And a monkey. The vocals all sucked, even my beloved Blake. Of course, Melinda didn't really suck. But it was boring. And the advice Paula gave her was ridiculous ... something like "Forget the technical part of singing for once!" Brilliant, that one. She looked like she tripped and fell into a bucket of makeup last night.

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Speaking of music, my new favorite iPod downloads (in no particular order):

~ Brandi Carlile: "The Story" (entire album) This one is the soundtrack to my life on the "black days". I love her voice.

~ Mika: "Life In Cartoon Motion" (entire album) Too much fun.

~ Regina Spektor: "Samson", "Fidelity" and "Hotel Song" Again, with the beautiful voice and haunting lyrics.

~ Amy Winehouse: "You Know I'm No Good" and "Rehab" She makes me want to light a cigarette and order a double bourbon, no ice.

~ Mat Kearney: "Nothing Left To Lose" Just a pretty song.

~ Augustana: "Boston" See above.

~ P!nk: "I'm Not Dead" (entire album) When did Pink become P!nk? She is AWESOME. I would leave my husband for her, if she looked at me twice.

~ Jenny Owen Youngs: "Hot In Herre" It's acoustic, she's white, and she totally COVERS Nelly's song. (Oh yes, she does.)

I heartily endorse every single one. LOVE them.

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Heading to the mall in a bit ... Em is spending next week in Ohio for a wedding in her sweetie's family, and will need a hostess gift, at the very least. A rehearsal dinner dress is needed too.

Yay. Mall.

"You bring me hope, I'll see you soon ..."

I have a doctor's appointment this morning with my primary care doc. I haven't seen him since I weighed 330 pounds. I have to admit, I'm looking forward to seeing his expression during that first hello. After that, not so much.

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I was waiting for the big announcement to be made over at Fat Cat's house before I said a word here about the momentous and joyous event that has begun in our family. I guess this is it. I think they are both so busy with work and life right now, blogging has taken the 3rd row seat in their mini-van. (They don't have a mini-van.)

But yeah, y'all. HELL yeah.

If the anticipation continues to grow ... by the time November gets here, I'll be wearing appliqued sweatshirts that say "World's Best Nana" and knitting the 50th pair of booties. (Just go ahead and shoot me if I let my hair go grey and then perm it. Promise.)

The official due date is November 14, 2007, and according to my research, our grandbaby's head is about a third the size of its body right now. The baby has fingerprints already! Amniotic fluid has been swallowed, and the urinary tract is functioning. The baby is about 3 inches long, and weighs about an ounce. And yes, about once a week, I will keep you informed about the growth and development of the first baby in our family in over 20 years. I can't help myself.

And for the record: LB and TH are going to be the most incredible parents. I may burst with the pride.

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Check out my friend Kathy... the link is in the sidebar over there. Her "Thoughts and Other Junk" is brand new, and maybe if she knows we're all reading, she'll update more often. I'm sure she'll use that free time between her full-time job, raising her beautiful daughter, keeping her lovely home, maintaining her happy marriage, and shopping with ME to keep us all entertained with her opinions and ideas. (I know you love me, Kathy.)

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Amy ... you are so sweet with your comments. I know I have a few other readers, but you are the only one who consistently lets me know you're out there. Thank you!

"I don't shine if you don't shine ..."

I gots nothing to "blog". Weekends are pretty much void of bloggable stuff around here lately.

Jimmy worked on his lawnmower ALL weekend. Adam flew in from Canada on Saturday, hopefully to stay awhile.

I didn't feel completely healthy most of the weekend. I'll keep the details to myself ... and you'll thank me. I made things infinitely worse by eating a bowl of banana pudding last night. Oh, Sweet Baby Jeeezis. I made everyone promise to slap the shit out of me, should I ever attempt to eat a serving of dessert EVER again.

This week brings with it a new determination to eat right and exercise more.

I start over every single day.

"Why don't you like me? ..."

While watching the local news last night, I was visited by Grandma F.

I could hear her voice in my head, as plain as day, saying, "Dawn, I told you this would happen!" Seems that a fire broke out at Magnolia Place nursing home on Tuesday afternoon . Nobody was injured, but all the residents had to be moved into other facilities while the cleanup takes place.

I'm glad she's in heaven, where there are no smokers and dope fiends. No fire drills, either (I hope).

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As predicted, Chris (Don't I Look Like Justin Timberlake?) Richardson was sent home last night on Idol. And only a little less predictable ... Phil Stacey sang his farewell song, too. He seemed like a really nice guy (hell, Chris did too), and had the foresight to choose an excellent song for his last AI performance ... "Blaze Of Glory" works well for going out with a bang.

Amy, if you'd like to see just a snippet of each performance, they are now available for download here. You have the ability to watch a portion of each performance without actually paying for it. (Click on "preview".)

And let me go on record, here and now, with my confession that the Robin Thicke Love Train left me sitting on a bench at the station. Ewwww. So very NOT my cup of Earl Grey. Me no like.

Another "Aaarrrrghh Moment" from last night: A sign in the audience: "Blake Your #1!". Do the schools not teach the distinction between "your" and "you're" anymore? Because this is becoming far too common for my teeth ... I am grinding them to nubs every time I see it. I can understand an occasional slip-up or typo, but I see at least one instance of this particular grammar mess EVERY day. (As if I have any room to criticize grammar messes, with all my incomplete sentences and my love of the ellipse. Pot: "Kettle, you're so damn black!")

Third Moment: The "Idol Gives Back" recap ... STOP it. At least there were no Bush family members on my TV last night.

Not much excitement left in this show for me now ... Blake, LaKisha, and Melinda will all end up with recording contracts, despite who actually wins.

Final note: Richie Sambora is still easy on these old-lady eyes, even after all these years.

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Interesting article I read online last night -- "Survey: 10 jobs moms work would bring in $138,095 a year" ... had me dreaming of the car I'd be driving if I actually earned a paycheck for 20 years in the Mom Business.

Naaaa ... the rewards are all in the hugs, people. Let me try and remember the last hug I got ... hold on ...

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... I'm only teasing. I get at least one hug a week these days. And back in the day, when I was actually doing all the "mom jobs", I was totally overpaid ... my kids were THE BEST at showing me love. (smile)

Speaking of kids ... This week is sooo slow for me, and I'm hoping it's moving along a little faster for you, Adam. We miss you!

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"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." - Robert Orben

"Shot through the heart ..."

American Idol Nonsense:

I'm not a huge Bon Jovi fan (so shoot me), but this was one of my favorite shows. He gave really on-the-money comments about everyone's performances,

AND he's pretty.

More evidence that it doesn't matter WHAT genre of music they hand to Melinda, she will make it look easy. She is such a professional. But my favorite performance last night was BLAKE. I watched the entire song with a huge grin on my face. Then I APPLAUDED when it was done. And then I had to rewind the DVR so I could watch it all over again. "That was the BOMB, dawg." I guess there were some people out there who hated it, because he had the nerve and the talent to actually change up a classic Bon Jovi hit ... but his rendition of "You Give Love A Bad Name" is something I might actually download. And I'm picky about what goes on my little iPod.

Sad to say, Jordin was the only one who had a really bad night. She used the excuse that rock music was out of her element, but then Melinda came along and proved you don't have to be a rocker to sing it well. And again, Phil is pissing me off by improving every week. I so don't want to like him. Lakiki and Chris did great jobs last night, too.

Oh, and shut up, George W. Bush. Now you have time to film a spot for American Idol??

Two people get sent packing tonight ... glad I don't have to be the one who decides. Based on this week's singing, Chris and Jordin should leave. But since the votes will be combined with last week's votes, it'll likely be Chris and LaKisha.

In a perfect world, it'd be George and Laura.

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I did get some flowers planted over the weekend, and so far, no squirrels have uprooted a single one. I have to keep an eye on them, several times a day though... the squirrels in my yard hate me. The feeling is mutual.

The cat-hair tumbleweeds are threatening a takeover today, so I'll be dancing with my Dyson in a little while. I live a movie star life, yes indeed.

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What's up with the 90-degree weather during the first week of May? Ohhhh yeah. Al Gore 'splained that already.